I drank almost a full bottle of lactulos due to the fact I've gained weight :(

[Goodheartflyinghigh]

Hello. Thanks for reading.

Yes. I'm serious. No I'm not joking. Yes I understand this was a bad idea. But I am very logical person but I had a moment were I weighed myself. Realised I'd gained 4 lbs. And I started boiling over. I grabbed the bottle poured it into a cup and downed it. This was 2 hours ago. I've had lactulos before but usually the correct amount and didn't start working till next day. In this case I've been sat on the toilet for 30 minutes going like water.

I was just so angry. I have weigh in at my gp tommorow and I've put on 4lbs!!! I'm so upset. And no. I'm not shallow. It's not even about how I look. This is just not going well. I don't abuse laxatives usually. Only done it once before recently maybe three weeks ago. But didn't drink this much. When I was younger I had extreme issues with making myself sick. But don't do that now. I have no idea why I did this with lactulos. Or how I lost that much control to drink that much. Now my tummy is killing me. You wouldn't believe I'm a mother. ( no my kids didn't see me do this they are with there dad) but I'm not a teenager anymore. So I shouldn't even Consider doing this. But I didn't even think.. What is going on.

I hear you . I'm way to fat for extreme weight loss to be a concern. This is how it escalated when I was a kid. It was great. I could starve all Christmas and New years. Get back to school and all these well done. Spured me on even more. A year later I was in kids clothes. It happens so fast . I don't think il ever have that kind of will power again.

Look at what has happened when 4lb of the 2 stone came back on. Please use this as a wake up call. Take this weight loss and focus on getting any more off slowly and sensibly. Use this as a boost before you do it properly. Do NOT use whatever you did as a lifestyle choice. You won't say how you did it because you KNOW it's a bad idea. You are saying the right things, listen to yourself.

I'm so sorry op I've had clients who have gone down this route and it's brutal...I'm fully aware at the level of distress you are in

Please understand this is an eating disorder which has its basis in control and emotional processing. That makes it horrendously difficult and you need professional help

I really do understand the embarrassment but it will be short lived....it's going to take a lot of courage to ask for help but you need to do it

The underlying reasons could be many and nothing is so black and white as to have a single answer but you need to be honest about it .....it's not about weight loss it's about managing something inside you and control when you feel you have none

Look into eating disorder services or speak the go... easy for me to say but you can do it....ask for help

I need to loose weight as I'm 4 stone over weight right now but I'm doing it slowly and sensibly and it is staying off. It can be disheartening when the scales don't go down fast but it's sustainable and healthy. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't want to be in that bad place anymore. I've got your hand to pull you if you want out.

Not big and not cleaver. You are very right. Why do people say things like " wow if this is true then how did you do it" in all honesty the fact they don't believe it makes me feel even better. Because the fact that I am useless at everything else. To be able to do something that seems so extreme and can't happen it's unreal. Means I'm doing something no one else can. Or when the nurse says ' wow this is unusual I've never seen someone lose weight so fast' and I'm thinking " aww thanks what a lovely thing to say. " why am I so messed up in the head. Why do these things seem like a good thing? That I can push myself to such a huge level of discomfort. I felt like I was going to die. But I didn't stop till I reached my two stone goal. (my first goal was 1 stone but I lost thst so fast. It wasn't enough) is it just me with this problem with challenging myself. This isn't a game. Why do I think this is a challenge I have to complete. Do other people have this similer thing?

I'm way to fat for extreme weight loss to be a concern. This is how it escalated when I was a kid. It was great. I could starve all Christmas and New years. Get back to school and all these well done. Spured me on even more.

This is my story as well. PM me if you want to. There is a way out. You don't have to fall down that rabbit hole again. You sound like you are wrestling with yourself right now. Let others help you fight and you can win. I promise.

Euripidesralph- your right. I crave control. Over my self. It's ironic Ive been controlled by two people in my life. To extreme. I fought thst. And now.. I want to control myself even more extreme. And even worse.

Not big or clever. Il be honest. The reason I'm not saying how I did it . Is because I know.. There will be someone. Who has gone out of there way to Google quick ways to lose weight. And if they stumbled across this. And read through all the whole post just to find one tip. I'd never forgive myself. I woild nor want someone to suffer how I did. Thars because I care for everyone. And I have trolled through the whole Internet the when I've been desperate. To get weight off. I'd never do thst to someone. And tell them how I did it. As I do know it's wrong for them. Whether I believe it's wrong for me. Is a different matter

Not clever. You are doing amazing.! Yiu should be really proud of yourself. And I'm glad your doing it healthily thars really great

For me it was a challenge I could win when I felt like I could do fuck all else. My life felt out of my control and this was something I could control, something I could feel great about, something I could achieve. After all everyone wants to loose weight right? People often look at you enviously when you drop a noticable amount of weight and if you are still big no one thinks it's a problem. They just tell you that you are amazing. It doesn't help.

You need people to tell you that you are amazing for being you, not for being thinner.

I'm not going to congratulate you on loosing so much weight but I will congratulate you when you beat this. I will congratulate you when you do it sensibly and I will congratulate you for every damn step you take to get there.

And that's the trouble...it becomes self feedback spiral.....the unfortunate thing is that's why people need help out of it because it feeds in itself and is almost impossible to just force yourself out of it

Please believe me it's nothing to be ashamed of....so many people have the same responses over different things....my speciality was in addiction and the responses from my female clients were often around food

The thing is if other people controlled you....naturally you seek a way to get control back....it's sort of logical but the impact those people had have affected your ability to identify what healthy control is

Its almost like needing to recalibrate a system .....finding a way to reset what your subconscious sees as healthy ....hope that makes sense

Any eating disorder or addiction professional will be massively supportive and honestly they will not find you unusual they will want to support you....I honestly think you are incredibly strong for posting when you realised things were off....that's a he'll of a step

I cried like hell in front of my gp. I told them everything. I got on the b-eat forums and got some support. I don't do a proper restriction diet as I can't. It is far too much of a trigger for me.

I eat: cereal or toast for breakfast. I eat salad, sandwiches or similar for lunch. I eat a decent meal for tea, often things like curry, fajitas, chilli, meat & veg, bolognaise. I snack on fruit, yoghurts mostly but I also eat something like a kitkat or crisps or some other crap each day. If I cut sugar out totally it ends badly. I just reduced my portions slightly (I eat somewhere in the middle of what I used to eat and what the diet books say to eat) and reduced the amount of sugar.

After I recovered from eating nothing I started overeating as comfort. It's been all kinds of fucked up. Where I am now is working for me. I've also started running. I can't run properly but it clears my mind and really helps more than anything else.

No advice to add, except that I think you need to confide in your GP because your situation sounds quite scary and dangerous.

I'm not congratulating you on losing weight. You tried to cheat and put your health at risk.

I'm sad to read that you slept next to a heater with a jumper on to sweat out some weight last night, especially after overdosing on laxatives. I thought some of what I said to you yesterday might have sunk in. This shows me that you don't realise how serious this is, you are in the grips of an eating disorder. Why so desperate to show the nurse you hadn't gained a couple of pounds? Think why you are so desperate for her approval. I really think you need to stop weighing yourself or getting weighed.

Please seek help, it won't go away. Of course you feel awful today after what you put your body through. You must feel like you have the world's worst hangover and I'm willing to bet you haven't eaten today. That's hardly a recipe for a good mood.

If you can't get better for you, do it for your kids. They need a happy, healthy mum regardless of her weight.
You show such a caring compassionate attitude to others, try to extend that to yourself.

Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh on that last post, I just wanted to try make you see how irrational you're being.
It might help you to look at some of the threads in the eating disorders section of this site. You are not alone in how you're feeling.

Not harsh at all. I thought what yiu said did sink in. I kept drinkinf water like I think you asked me to. I was desperate not to gain weight because it made me feel like a failure. I hear everything your all saying thank you x

I'm sorry I've made yiu feel sad. This wasn't my intention. And I questioned posting this because I also feel bad that it's not instantly clicked and I'm saying ' wow I'm getting better from today onwards. I feel bad. About that. But I want to be honest and today is not the day I'm doing to get my head out of my ass :(

I thought I did good by drinking water last night. Thanks to you guys. The frame of mind I was in. I was planning on pooing all that out and not drinking one drop. Because I was trying to lose water weight. But because of u guys I decided that was a bad idea. But then I had my electric heated on all night with my jumper on and covers over me to compensate. In my head I thought this would be better. See when I try to do something better. It sometimes ends up being worse. I just don't know. It makes sence at the time. And despite sweating all night only a minor budge.

Ok it's not your fault you feel like this. I think you realise it's not healthy and you're in a horrible place at the moment.
Treat yourself today to a nice pampering bath, paint your nails or do something nice for yourself. Allow yourself a healthy meal and stay away from the bloody scales!

Going * not doing

I fully know this is a mess. That's why it's confusing my I can't snap out of it. I was ment to have someone over to do my hair today. But I've rang to cancel because I don't diserve it. With a 4 lb gain. How and why would I treat myself to a pamper when I've done nothing to diserve it? I've achieved nothing this whole week. I promise il stay away from the scales this week. And not weigh for either a few days. Or till Monday next week. Just before my official weigh in. That's something? X

OP, this is a slip up. You dont have to be back in your eating disorder, you can still be recovered, but I think you need to see someone with experience of ED rather than just your doctor/nurse, who tbh, sounds like shes really triggering you.

Once youve had an ED, its always there, even if youre in recovery, its like any addiction, but its up to you to keep control of it. You can get healthy a good way, or you can swim straight back into your ED, which you KNOW is not a good or efficient way of even losing weight, let alone making you healthy or happy. xx

I think its good you realise this is a problem and good for sharing it honestly.

Not big and not clever. This is my story as well. PM me if you want to. There is a way out. You don't have to fall down that rabbit hole again. You sound like you are wrestling with yourself right now. Let others help you fight and you can win. I promise."

You know.. What a lovely person you are to offer to talk in pm. That really does mean alot. And though I would love to. I know that is not a good idea. Because yiu are doing so. Amazing.. I'm like poison. I do not want to trigger you in any way. But at the same time. It's nice to hear someone who understands and gets it. And for that I'm completly and utterly greatful. And it means so much. It is a lonely and miserable existence. Can't leave with it can't live without it. Right now.

Clangboing thanks so much. It is hard to be so honest. Always want to down play it. And I also realise how stupid it sounds as I type it out :) I know one day after I've lost maybe 5 stones. Il get my head straight. Or maybe il wake up next week.