I drank almost a full bottle of lactulos due to the fact I've gained weight :(

[Goodheartflyinghigh]

Hello. Thanks for reading.

Yes. I'm serious. No I'm not joking. Yes I understand this was a bad idea. But I am very logical person but I had a moment were I weighed myself. Realised I'd gained 4 lbs. And I started boiling over. I grabbed the bottle poured it into a cup and downed it. This was 2 hours ago. I've had lactulos before but usually the correct amount and didn't start working till next day. In this case I've been sat on the toilet for 30 minutes going like water.

I was just so angry. I have weigh in at my gp tommorow and I've put on 4lbs!!! I'm so upset. And no. I'm not shallow. It's not even about how I look. This is just not going well. I don't abuse laxatives usually. Only done it once before recently maybe three weeks ago. But didn't drink this much. When I was younger I had extreme issues with making myself sick. But don't do that now. I have no idea why I did this with lactulos. Or how I lost that much control to drink that much. Now my tummy is killing me. You wouldn't believe I'm a mother. ( no my kids didn't see me do this they are with there dad) but I'm not a teenager anymore. So I shouldn't even Consider doing this. But I didn't even think.. What is going on.

I'm not beinf snippy. No I'm not trying to lose weight to attract attention. Neither was I losing weight when I was younger to attract attention. I said that spures me on when people notice I have lost weight.

But everything that happens behind closed doors is not for attention. It is purely because I hate myself. Sorry for that mis understanding.

I don't give a crap who notices or who doesn't. I don't want rescuing either. I stupidly wrote this post because I was an idiot with the laxatives. I honestly don't need anyone to swoop in. I've explained things really wrongly.

Thanks every second counts :) I hear what youe saying. In regards to mental health issues I know what I'm working with :) il figure it out. I've realised were I went wrong. Il fix it. :) Thanks for helping.

Why I'm receiving a depo shot? I'm not sure I understand the question. The answer would be... To prevent pregnancy right? And the added bonus of not getting a period. I don't want those.

Your not minimising my eating disorder because I don't currently have one. It was a set back. But thanks to you all. I've realised I was being an idiot. And I'm going to fix it :) read my post back and it doesn't sound good at all.

Thank you Olivia for your help. You are an extremely nice person. And I apreciate your efforts and patience. Honestly I have taken everything into my head. And I'm not taking those tablets from the gp. Neither will I take the laxatives.

I wasn't being sarcastic. I'm trying to say the right thing. I apreciate all the help. Everything I've said has made someone think I don't feed my kids right. And the gp would do the same. It's made me realise I've not been doing the right. Thing I'm not offended or upset. I've drank to much coffee and I'm typing fast lol. I'm sorry if I come across moody. Honestly I'm not. I'm so aware how crazy this all sounds

My point is that you need to feed yourself as well as you feed your kids. Even if, through disordered thinking, you don't feel you deserve it, they do deserve a healthy and happy mum x

Yes I know I hear the frustration. It's been a day and a half. And because I'm not ready to engage or something people think I don't want to change. So I say it's sorted and it comes across like I'm being sarcastic. I don't know what to say. . I'm trying. Your saying it seems I'm not ready to engage with the help I had.
A. Someone said make sure you drink last night when I wasn't planning to. I did.

B. Someone said don't take laxatives anymore I have agrees and decided to stop.

C. Stop taking the slimming pill.

I agreed and I won't be taking them. Yet I'm not willing to engage with the advice given? I'm really sorry to hear that.

Stick. You are very right :) I do appear very happy. I don't think il ever be happy like this. I'm very sorry if I mis understood what you said. I'm very scared of people doubting my capabilities as a mother by how I treat myself.. I wouldn't that a dog how I treat myself.

Wouldn't treat a dog how I treat myself *

What is depot. A depo injection? For contraception?

Oh right sorry I'm abit confused now. I ment depo not depot

Sorry about that. I don't even remember mentioning but I ment depovora (?) depo not depot

No other than my dodgy eating I am perfectly stable. No suicide intent no risk of self harm none of that. :) sorry for the mis under standing.

I agree you need to take it a day at a time, but you've been there before with ED and you're not a teenager with no responsibilities, any more.

So far, I've spotted:
Severe calorie restriction (ie under 1000kcal per day)
Drastic weight loss targets
Use of pills (which I know you say you're stopping)
Going without eating.
Taking laxatives
Not drinking so you don't weigh water.
Making yourself sweat out water.
A belief that the normal healthy food you feed your children will make you put on weight.

Collectively, that's not the thinking of someone who isn't struggling with ED, right now. You need to get well before you get too far in

I'm not unhappy. I'm just numb actually.

Your not minimising my eating disorder because I don't currently have one. It was a set back

You are obsessing with your weight, how you feel because you told you need to lose weight or have lost but feel challenged to lose as much if not more next time instead of recognising their cynicism, no matter at what cost. Unless you learn to manage your diet sensibly and lose gradually you will be stuck in this battle of self abuse , yoyo of weight loss then gain and never achieve your long term healthy goal. Sorry it screams eating disorder to me but you can only admit it when you are ready.

But I've gained 4 lbs back. Eating less than what one of my kid eats. So proves I gain weight when trying to eat right. My metabolism has slowed down so much you see. And the sweating myself out was the first time I did that. So and I won't do thst again. But I 100 percent agree I made a mistake doing all that.

Thank you every second counts. I understand. I have several mental health diagnosis. I was with CAMHS from young age. N then have seem people as an adult. I do have issues with being extreme due to my mental health issues. I suppose one sets of the other.

A screw has been missing since I was 8 years old :p. I know it's not funny. But that's just when I started with beinf extreme and obsessive in nature.

You lost two stone in two weeks, that's very extreme loss. Inevitably, when eating normally again you put some back on.

If you ate normally and healthily every day, you'd be a similarly healthy weight as your kids.

But you know this. Your disordered thinking is pushing the logic away.