Dh is away and yet again, I'm sinking...

[Ikeatears]

I'm struggling. Again. My brain feels overloaded and I'm so, so tired. The horrible thoughts are back (although they're just thoughts and I have no plans)
Dh is away for a couple of nights with work and even when I'm well, I find it hard but when I feel like this it's just so overwhelming. My plan tomorrow is to take the kids to school then go back to bed. I just want to shut out the world and stop my brain from thinking. I am so terrified that I'm going backwards and that I'll end up in hospital again. I couldn't go back there. They'd have to section me first.
I am a complete failure as a wife and as a mother. I really, truly hate myself.
I'm sinking again aren't I?

Had the morning from hell - crying under the duvet till mid-day and DP not here. But picking up now - this sometimes happens - very weird. How's everyone else?

Oh no, I'm sorry you had a bad morning
I'm not too bad today, getting some rubbish side effects (nausea, light-headed, dry mouth, tremor in my hands) but hopefully they won't last long.
I'm feeling very grotty for at least an hour when I wake up which I think is the quetiapine but at least I've had two full nights' sleep now.
Got two weeks sick note and I'm hoping this has just been a blip and I can go back after that.

You seem much brighter Ikea

SO pleased you got to the celebration - well done. Really glad to hear you have slept.

My mood is ok but I have had a blip of sorts but support worker has been around and really helped.

Just catching up after a couple of days away. Awesome news that you made your dsd's party, you must feel so good Great too that you finally have several layers of support. I need to get to know my gp but not ready for that yet after the "pull yourself together" one I saw a couple of weeks ago. I got confused initially as our crisis and home treatment team is the same thing but I finally realised yours are 2 different teams
Had a reasonable time away with dd - tiring and now my feet hurt (lots of walking) but a plan is finally beginning to come together.
Nana hope you have a lovely time with your dsd.

Hi willow nice to see you back. Yes, the crisis team (I think) are part of the community mental health team. The Home Treatment Team are one of the services that they refer to (also IAPT, inpatient services etc) They could have referred me back to HTT but the fact that I am already accessing step 3 (intensive) counselling through IAPT made her hesitate. I can't be with both services at once and she wanted to avoid me being signed off IAPT I think and give new meds a go first.
I've been given the crisis number and I know I can contact my GP or my counsellor if things get out of hand.
Having a bit of a wobbly day today but I remember this happened after I came out of hospital last year. I had a couple of 'high' days then I slumped. This time, I think the relief of getting help boosted me and now I'm coming 'down' a bit so to speak.
I'm struggling with the quetiapine a bit. Knocks me out completely at night but I'm so groggy in the morning. I fainted yesterday and almost again this morning. Hopefully, my body will adjust over the next couple of days.
Yes, try a new GP, I can't tell you the difference it makes to me psychologically, just knowing the support is there, should I need it.
I'm glad you've had a good time with dd, lots of people have recommended walking to me but I'm yet to build up to it.