help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

08457 90 90 90

Samaritans - completely anonymous.

Will you ring them - please?

please?

Even your inlaws realise that your dc's need you, they are offering help, take it. So how are they going to be better off without you? They are little and they are going to grow up thinking you diddn't want them. They will think that you don't love them, don't do that to your children. Get help now, recognise the help that is being offered and take it. Please.

please dottymum?

Yes good idea.
08457 90 90 90
Samaritans
Give them a ring just to talk to someone about how you feel.I think you really need to talk right now and get the help you need.

please ask for help..you already did when you started this thread..you called it help

now take another stab at letting yourself ask for a little more help

ring the Samaritans or the sane i gave below

lots of us here have felt like you, you are not useless

dottymum can you at least try to decide that you will not make any permanent decisions until you are feeling better and more yourself. You,ve just had a baby , your four year old is being awful and your husband has left - you would be pretty weird if you weren't feeling shit. You don't sound like you've let anyone down.

At least keep your options open - I am worried that if you let the children go and then try to get them back you may not be able to. although now you may feel that you can't cope, if there's the slightest doubt in your mind that you might regret giving them up then don't do it - I'm sure you'll regret it.

Seek out help - you're probably knackered if nothing else. Your health visitor will have come across loads of women who are in difficult situations and won't judge you. Mine recommended Homestart - they are voluteers who come to help you when you have young kids - i had a woman who used to come in once a week - she would mind the baby downstairs whilst I went upstairs and had a good sob - it helped me a bit. You are not alone.

I really, really hope that things get better for you - just tell somebody how you're feeling. I wish I lived nearer so that I could help.

the samaritans are wonderful... i have called them once or twice at a low ebb....wonderful, they just listen and help.....please call them...xx

dottymum why dont you give yourself a certain amount of time to get better before you make this decision. If you see your GP or HV and in 6 months still feel the same then fine, but you are not in the right place to be making these decisions now.

Of course you dcs need you, as others have said how will they feel when they grow up and think you have left them.

Please please get some help before you let them go.

We could meet for a chat if you want, we are quite close. Kids could play while we talk, just to get some support and feel there is someone there for you.

You are worth something, you have strangers worrying about you, people really do care.

Please don't make any rash decisions now when you're feeling so low, give yourself time to come to terms with your new baby & your husband leaving - most of us can't cope with just one of those things but to have both and 4yr old playing up must be impossible. Give yourself a break, you're only human! You have had so much good advice on here, don't ignore it...

apologies if i am overreacting but dottymum you sound suicidal and you are hanging on until your dc's are safe. please stay on this thread and talk to us or even better call samaritans or your gp - you can get through this and be happy again - your children DO need you now and in the future.

Did you see your father today?

Dottymum, first I want to send you the biggest hug. You sound so sad and it breaks my heart to hear it.

Your childern need their Mum more than anything else right now. Your DD has lost her Dad and is about to lose her Mum too. You say she is already struggling emotionally. She will be bereft without you.

My DD1s Daddy died when she was a baby, she has no memory of him but carries his loss every day and it is so tragic and painful to see. Please don't put your children through that.

You sound like such a wonderful Mum, inspite of your problems, you want to put your children first.
But they need you to be with them, either in this country or with you inlaws.

Please get help tonight.

All the mums here are willing you to get help. Feel their love and support and find the strength to pick up the phone. PLEASE.

aww dotty ((((Hugs)))) the biggest massivest hugs hon. my heart goes out to you.

please bear in mind you've jsut had a baby hormones are everywhere. please don't do anything hasty. see your h/v, and GP, perhaps a long holiday with the inlaws till after xmas, you really need some support, and if the inlaws are happy for you to go as well then please go with your children, they need you - your NB son needs you.

I really think you have PND, and obviosuly a lot on your plate. please talk to someone in RL if you feel you can't talk to us here, but we will as always be here for you incase.

.

more words of support for dotty....please

hope you are still reading this dotty....

I shall be thinking of you over night

Here is a number you can ring tonight

it is there to help people just like you, you can talk and receive real practical help

Hope Line
38 Regarth Avenue, Romford, Essex RM1 1TH
tel: 0800 169 2169 (open 24 hours every day)
fax: 01708 745 229
24-hour crisis and advice and helpline. Open to all who are experiencing mental distress.

This is so heartbreaking to read. My DD acted much the same way when her Daddy left. She was 2 then. Her little bro didnt come along til she was 4 and she reacted the same if not worse then so you are having a double whammy of it. I so, so, so feel for you

She is acting this way because she loves you and feels secure enough to act out how she is feeling.

Your little boy needs you too, it hasnt been long since he was a physical part of you.

Please go with them, PLEASE.

Wish I could help.

dottymum Please dont give up. You are the only mum your DC are going to have. They will miss you as much as you will miss them.

You have said in one of your post that your DD wants to see her daddy. Just think how she is going to be if you go out of her life too. She is going to be wanting you even more!!! Can you hear her saying " I want my mummy! I want my mummy!" I bet she runs to you every time she is hurting. You can give her what she wants, "her mummy" Your H wont even give her "her daddy" Dont be like him. You are loads better than that!! You have hit a very hard time in your life. There is loads of help you can get.

If the inlaws want you to go out there, why not go. Have a break from all this. Call it a holiday. This is just what you need. They are will to look after your DC and YOU!!

I have a great Step mum who ovewr the last 2 nearly 3 weeks has been helping me as I have not been well. ( other mums will tell you this too) Her name on here is HNtree. She was great for me.

Your inlaws could be what you need right now.

Help is what we all need from time to time!

Please Pleaes Pleaes dont give up!!

dotty, I have never heard a child say they wished their parents had given them up, but many who struggle with the knowledge that there parents did just that. If you had a choice and in a years time you could either be happy, back on track and your dcs with you, or unhappy and without them of course you would choose the first option.

So please just try it, give yourself a chance to get better.

All your messages talk about doing the best for your children, you are a good person and a good mum. Is there anyone around for you? Is there anything I can do to help, talk on the phone, meet up, babysit?

I am really worried about you. Even if you do let your dcs go Thursday come back to MN or contact me, you will need support more than ever if that happens.

dottymum - are you there?

Hi Dotty, still thinking of you. Here if you want to talk. xxx

Please please don't give up. This is so heartbreaking. You are in a horrible place right now, but others on here have been there and come through. Please please believe us.
Please just try and go with them, and let PIL take over when you are there, so you can just sit and think. This is really important having that time to think.
thinking of you all the time sweetie

Dottymum, which country do your PIls live in?

Do you have a passport for the baby? or your dd?

it's over 2 hours since your last post. Please please please post again. my heart goes out to you xxxxxxx
Know so much how you feel, as do lots of others, wish i could help in anyway, but live miles away up north.

I cant belive so much has changed in a few days, ive had pnd AND MY EX LEFT ME!I know how u feel evn tho they are diff circumstances! PLEASE DOTTY MUM SO MANY PEOPLE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU! you just dont want tyo be aropound, but each day gets better, but you need to tell your doctor or confide in a feind nearby! i was a shamed and pretended all was gud, and then 1 day i cracked! im so much better now, i do get dark days, but u must try and be strong the cloud will dissapear, and the hole will be filled in thinking of u! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo