help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

It doesn't sound strange, because these feelings can be overwhelming. With help and friendship and support you can be the person you want to be for your children.

This is just too sad for words - I so wish I could say something profound that would make you re-think your situation.

Unfortunately I'm too shallow for profound thoughts

Agree with Zippi - DM, please don't do this without trying to get yourself some help. You deserve it and so do your kids.

You are the the most important person in their lives and I'm sure the reverse is true. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to get some help.

In fact although it doesn't seem like it to you at the moment, you are undoubtedly very much the person your children need, love and want..

did you see there is a mumsnetter called kezza who does live in your area who wants to help if she can and those of us who are further away want to help too.

You do sound depressed, that makes decisions so hard even making tea or getting out of bed is an effort but it can be turned around and life built back up bit by bit

Im so sorry. Its all far too late now.

Thank you for caring everyone.

I dont want to leave them, they are the most important people, the only people in my life. I adore them both. My son is not yet 4 weeks old, and I know he needs me. My daughter and I are very close. I love them so much. But I know Im not good for either of them. Ive let them down.

Its better this way. I dont know if Im depressed or what, perhaps Im thinking clearly, not being selfish for once.

I want to be able to go with them, but I know I shouldnt. Sticking to the original plan is best for everyone. its better I do this and then just disappear from everyone's life.

Im sorry for worrying people. I was feeling so alone. I really am sorry. Please dont worry. The children will be very well cared for by their paternal family. I cant carry on anymore, this is the only way to do this.

Wanting to disappear is something which I've experienced myself and your feelings of being pathetic and useless. It's never too late to change plans however impossible everything seems, it just takes a few words to delay things. Don't think of time stretching ahead think of one day at a time.

dottymum - please can I CAT you? I once felt exactly how you are feeling. You are not alone!

Your baby is only 3 weeks old, he definitely needs you. Is there any possiblity that your dc's grandparents would mind your 4 yr old for a couple of weeks so you can get back on an even keel?

Dottymum - as Carmenere suggests, is there a temporary situation rather than an all or nothing scenario? Would the paternal grandparents consider looking after the children or at least your 4yo until you sort yourself out?

You just sound so terribly sad....and your decision will surely exacerbate that.

It really doesn't sound like a 'good' solution for any of you.

Message withdrawn

dottymum - i made a similar decision to you, I thought it was best that my ex's family took my son. It isn't too late, I got counselling and AD's and got my son back - he is the best thing in my life. Is there anything I can do to help?

Dottymum, a couple of things:
Firstly, I'm on the other side of London, but would happily come and look after either or both of your DCs for a few hours some day if that would be of any help.
Secondly, I think you mentioned on some other thread that you use the Little Herons emergency childcare in Canary Wharf...does that mean you work in Canary Wharf? If you do, and work for one of the financial institutions there, I think most of them offer an Employee Assistance Program, which offers confidential advice on pretty much anything - get the number from your HR department (or tell me where you work and I'll get it for you).
As has been said before, you are not a failure, your DCs love you, and it is not your fault you are feeling like this.
Let me know if I can help.
xxxx

so glad you have come back

please let us help you......i was hospitalised with PND...i felt i had damaged my son and he deserved a better mother........of course, i hadn't.

he is 7 now and a wonderful , caring ,sensitive boy...certianly showing no sign of beign harmed by my being ill......

call the samaritans , they can help you, even just talking it throuigh.......

and don;t be sorry.......we are all here to help and support...xxxx

wish i was nearer.. am 200 miles away or i would be so there with you ....

You sound really depressed with very distorted thinking, and of course you will still be hormonal, so soon after giving birth.
GP and health visitor will only support you, they will want you to keep your children.
Can you not turn the situation with in laws abroad as a temporary break to give yourself a breathing space?
Don't know what else to say, except your message really tore at my heartstrings, along with everyone else on this thread.

dottymum

who is going abroad with the chidren are your in laws in the Uk at the moment? When are their flights booked?

If someone could come and see you and talk things through would it help?

There are so many ways you could start to tackle your difficulties without lsoing your children..honestly they need you

could they come here to help?

Their auntie is coming over to pick them up. Father in law spoke to me and said he was happy for me to go out there to live, even long term and stay with them and the children.

They are booked for Thursday. I was meant to be getting them out on Monday, but it was too short notice. Father in law has bought me a ticket as well. I cant go. I just dont want to exist anymore.

I cant think about anything. I just want them safe and settled, then i can disappear. I have no life left now. Its all too late for me.

Its all ruined. Whatever I do will be wrong. I wont cope whatever. this way i keep a bit of dignity and my children are safe. I worry Ill hurt myself and wont be able to stop myself and then that would leave them here, noone to care for them. better they go as soon as possible. I can hold on in the meantime, and when they are safe, it doesnt matter what i do

PLEASE talk to someone. Will you let me CAT you honey? Please?

Dottymum- you are obviously an intelligent woman.

Read your posts.

You are ill.

You need help

I don't know what to say. Its a huge thing to decide when you are feeling low.
I think you really do need to see your gp or hv. your children do need their mum.

if you phone your out of hours doc or go to a&e..they willl get you help NOW

do not not not do anything .......your babies need you and they need you to be well...you can get tthrough this...please.....i have been at that point...you can come back form it

Dottymum please don't give up.Their is help out there for you.
Could it be postnatal depression? You can get help and im sure turn your life around and live happy with your children.

there

You are ill sweetheart - and so often people in the dark place you are in, just can't see that.

If your mind is made up about your children, well so be it.

But you must get help for yourself. Nobody should feel as worthless as you sound.

Please.

Dottymum

Have you felt depressed before? These feelings can be overcome and you have not ruined anything..

please could someone come and see and you?