ok dottymum - i've just read this whole thread - was on point of going to bed but i had to post here, i hope you read it.
i want to be really, really honest so changed my name, sorry ladies i hate doing it but sometimes it means you can help more imo
dotty first of all, as so many people have pointed out, you are clearly suffering from severe post-natal depression and you cannot make any sensible, rational decisions about giving up custody of your children while in this state in your head.
you need to do the following:
a) contact your GP or health visitor as soon as you can to say how depressed you are feeling and how you cannot currently cope on your own with the children. they will give you real and positive assistance and take it extremely seriously. they will give you antidepressants too and quite possibly some low-dose tranquilisers, sounds like you definitely need both. this should be your first step, right now, regardless of what else you then do. it is an emergency; make an emergency appointment; if need be, go to a&e. you are not worthless and you deserve to be helped.
look at it this way - if your biggest fear is that they will take the kids away - well, you're threatening to send them off to another country, so what could be worse? at the VERY WORST CASE they will suggest that the children stay with a family member (or foster family if there was no suitable family in UK) but their main priority is to keep mum and children near each other and to support you in your role as primary carer
b) get some practial support for you from family and friends. if your immediate family are not being too helpful or sympathetic, call on friends with children, MNers, anyone at all who could give you a break even for an hour or two. you must be EXHAUSTED.
c) get some emotional support for you while you try to deal with your husband leaving. you don't give any details which is fine but bear in mind it could be temporary and even if it isn't, he has punished you enough, you just need now to look after yourself and the children as best you can and not punish yourself more by splitting your family up. it is FINE to ask for help, my god you certainly need it, and you will need to start dealing with your emotions sooner rather than later..
think about the children, your new baby needs his mum and your daughter needs you more than anyone if her dad has just left, you may feel you are worthless and useless and nothing but honestly, trust me, THIS IS NOT TRUE, it's your state of mind, your hormones, your sense of worthlessness because your dh has just abandoned you so horribly, you are not thinking straight here and you need to recognise that.
it is hardly ever in the best interests of the children to be separated from their mum.
you say you and your daughter are very close. if you were a terrible mother, this would not be the case.
please, please seek some help.
if you've got a week to play with, at least explore the options i laid out above.
my own personal situation is uncannily similar to yours except that my daughter is 3 and i'm pregnant now. but my partner isn't around. i dread getting into a similar mind-set to the one you are in now, but i realise i might, i suffered with very bad PND myself after my daughter was born.
the thing is to recognise you are ill
surrender to that, and seek help.
it is not your fault.
you can get better. the children can get their mum back who they love and need.
please, please, nobody can do this for you. if you can't get yourself to the doctor, i'm sure someone from MN who lived near would go with you, or a close friend.... or failing that, sod it, get the doctor to come to you! they will, where a tiny baby is involved.
i promise this can work out ok for you all.
sending you thoughts and prayers.
truly hope this helps.
please keep posting.
xxx