help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

I guess that your PILs live quite a long way away, it is a week until your flights. That is time you need to use to step on to the road to recovery..beginning today.

I shall be around all day.

xxx

Morning Dotty.

Those dreams are typical anxiety dreams. They are very common when the brain is strugling to cope with whats going on in real life. They are in no way a reflection on you parenting skills. If anything they highlight the fact that your fear of losing your children is paramount.

If I knew where you lived I would be knocking on your door this afternoon.(even though I live in Yorkshire). Please get CAT and let anyone of us know where you are so we can help you.

If you are afraid of going to your GP or HV in case they take your children away (this will not happen) then why are you sending them away? Even if they went into respite foster care in this country they would be close to you and you could see them often, until thet came back to you.

If you kill yourself, your children will grow up with that terrible loss and carry that burden with them every day of their lives. Please dont do that to them.

They need you to get help and get well to be the wonderful mum you are to them.

I have cried for you and your babies and the terrible situation you are in because I feel so impotent and unable to help. All of us at MN feel the same. Please let the power of our support for you help you ask for help in RL.

Just one phone call and things will start to get better. I have never had PND but so many MNers have and are still their witty, wonderful selves with happy children. You can get through this. Please phone your Gp or any one of the helpline numbers on this thread.

Dotty - you can email me on [email protected]

to receive CAt mesages go here log on and change cat messages from other mns from block to yes

dottymum,

I've posted on the other thread that has been started and linked to this one.

I live in Romford and am offering to come and meet you, I have a car so I'll come to you, unless you would meet somewhere central (maybe town centre?) I have 2 DS's, one is nearly the same age as your DD, so they could keep one another company.
You don't have to talk to me, I could be someone to just sit with and be company if you like.
I've had PND, and I really understand what you have written.

Please don't be alone, please let me know what I can do and I'll be there. email: mumatuks AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk if you like to. You can just have my phone number if you don't want to meet and I'll listen to you.

oops here

Morning Dotty,
Read the thread last night, & could have cried myself. You were the first thing I thought about when I got up.
Please, please listen to all the Mnr's who have shown great concern for you.
I only wish you had the immediate support from your family,because I think they have contributed to you feeling this way, aswell as you having PND of coarse.

Oh dear, dear, I just dont know what else to say, I find it easier to say it in person.
I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel somewhere, although it will look ominous at the moment.

Just had to come on ere I let you know how worried I feel for you.

Please let us all help you. Talking, really does help.

(((((hugs)))))))

Ive got to go to the solicitors for 11 today. dh is pushing for things to be resolved quickly so he can get on with his life.

tomorrow ive got to go up to london to get ds's passport. dd has one.

...i appreciate the offers. Im just too scared to do anything in real life.
Im so sorry for all the worry i caused.

Oh Dotty, I feel so desperate to help but so helpless at the same time.
My work email address is [email protected] and my home email address is [email protected].
Please, please, please email me if I can help in any way.
I finish work at 5 tonight and will have to pick up my boys from their dads but I could be with you by about 8pm and I will do that if it will help but you will have to let me know exactly where you are.
I know you are feeling really desperate right now but as everyone has said - there is no shame in asking for help and anti-depressants will make you feel so much better.
Taking your children away from you would be the absolute last thing that social services would do.
When my husband was still living with us, we had social services round because my husband was a drug user and because I was suffering with post-natal depression, my doctor and health visitor both raised concerns.
After just one visit from social services, they signed us off with no monitoring or anything because they could see that I was getting the support I needed from the doctor and having weekly visits from my health visitor.
I too was terrified that my babies would be taken away from me.
My husband no longer lives with us and is fighting his own demons with depression and alcohol - we are still close though - and I live in a much calmer, steady and reliable world with my two gorgeous boys.
My children are my life and yours could be your life too if you would only let people help you.
You can not do this on your own - you have to get the help you so desparately need.
Please phone your doctors this morning and don't fight the depression on your own - after a couple of weeks of AD's you will start to feel better and in the mean time, if you would only let us know where you are, I'm sure there are several mumsnetters in your area (including myself) that will do anything they can to help you.
Please, please, please do this for your beautiful children - don't let them grow up without you.
Love and prayers,
Lindsey

what are you scared of don't be....

sorry that was all wrong, meant to say what is it that scares you?

Will talking help?

oh dotty please please hon, tell your DH to bugger off for the minute. you need your children right now, they need you, please honney your DD is to little to understand what's going on properly. please go with your children to your inlaws and get some proper help.

it's OK to be scared, it's OK to be unsure and to dislike your children at times. it's all OK, you are not alone in this we will all be here to support you if we can't be there physically we will listen.

Please see your H/V - when is she visiting next time, as you will need to tlak things through with her, even if you do decidede to go ahead and let the children go, your H/V will still need to know, so please please tlak to her, she's there to help you, and NO one will think any less of you.

((((Hugs))))

Actually (sorry Munz) rather than tell your husband to bugger off, you should remind him of the fact that whatever has gone on between you, he still has a responsibility to his children. PLEASE talk to him, tell him to pull his weight (or if you feel you can't talk to him email me his details and I will)
I agree that the solicitor should be lowest on your priorities list right now, but your husband could, and should, be helping you.

What are you cared of? Or do you just have a general feeling of fear? About your future? Your children? Yourself? Ad's will take thisaway I promise.
Dotty, my mum died whilst I was pregnant. I was devastated and absolutely terrified. Of what I couldn't tell you, but I was. AD's got me through. I had to see social workers because I was in such a mess. All they wanted to do was help, support, and ensure baby stayed with me.
Still miss mum, but medication has changed everything, and feel much better.
Please believe us all when we say people,(even social services) will only want to help.
You are coping with such a lot at the moment, feeling how you feel would be pretty normal,but if you just reach out one hand to someone, all the rest of the help will follow

Dotty

If you see the gp or ring the local crisis Hope Line or your HV, you are still the person in control..nobody is going to take decisions away from you. Help you get will concentrate on helping you to stay with your children.

Have you your own solicitor?

Ive got to go. I dont want any more trouble from him. If I go and do this, then he should be placated and it will make my life easier.

Ill deal with it today and its over with. there is no point prolonging things. I had no idea he had wanted out for so long, and the least I can do after making him so unhappy is to get out of his life.

Ive not cheated on him, not hurthim, I dont know why he is so angry with me. Ive looked after the kids and tried to care for him too.
Doesnt matter.

I jsut have this feeling of dread. LIke if I do anything else now something dreadful will happen. I jsut want to hide. Im sorry. I know Im not right at the moment.

Got to go in a little while, it will take ages to get up there with the two kids and its raining which doesnt help matters

DottyMum,

I'm still here, my offer still stands from my previous posts.

Don't worry about changing your mind and having the help offered by many Mnetters.

BTW, you are alot stronger than you think, especially as you have your day planned out, even if you are feeling like cr*p.

Don't do anything rash, your children love you and need you more than anything you know. xx

the feelings of dread and a kind of ominous presence are something that anti depressants can help with quite quickly, maybe lift that feeling in a few days...although obviously the underlying depression and all your problems take longer, but that panic and anxiety and oppression fear of you don't know what can be lifted relatively quickly.

Do come back on mn after you see the solicitor

Dotty, please phone one of these anonymous crisis lines - you have nothing to lose and potentially much to gain.

I wish with all my heart that you would do this.

sorry dotty my comment was misunderstood, all I ment was tell him you can't think about the divorce or anythign other than you and your children right now they are your proprity and getting you better.

I am so sorry that it came across wrong.

dotty, also if you know your not right, then please don't do anything hastym by way of your children. see your sol if you really must today, tlak eith your h/v and keep talking things thru, she will probably suggest AD's but again those are OK. you've a lot on at the minute. (((hugs)))

Please contact someone. Remember no one is going to talk you into doing anything you don't feel happy with..

There really is no need to rush ahead, flights can be changed plans altered, nothing is done that can't be changed

And please make sure you have a passport too and go with your children if they go

Dotty, I am begging you, please do not give your children away. When this depression eventually lifts you will never ever get over giving your children away.
I know you believe it is for the best, but sweetheart, they need you...

Dotty, I am begging you, please do not give your children away. When this depression eventually lifts you will never ever get over giving your children away.
I know you believe it is for the best, but sweetheart, they need you...

sorry, posted twice

but am really really begging you...