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Original poster

help

397 replies

dottymum · 11/11/2006 03:38

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

OP posts:
lulumama · 18/11/2006 17:03

great news dotty.....really delighted to hear that.....stay strong..and you are doing so well....xxx

MammyM · 18/11/2006 17:06

Dotty, thankyou so much for letting us know how you're getting on, we're all thinking of you. Like the others said, it's hard enough as it is despite how you're feeling, you're doing really well, not so sure I could do it.

fizzbuzz · 18/11/2006 17:20

So glad to hear from you Dotty.

When I was in your position someone said to me "think of it as a pendulum"

At first it swings madly back and forth, your emotions are everywhere all the time. You can go from despair to feeling OK in 5 minutes, and back again.

Gradually the pendulum swings slower, until you have days rather than seconds or minutes.

Eventually the pendulum stops, and you are OK again. Believe me, one day you will reach that point, and you too will be OK.

Thinking of you, and checking for postings all the time.

xxxxxxx

fizzbuzz · 18/11/2006 17:20

So glad to hear from you Dotty.

When I was in your position someone said to me "think of it as a pendulum"

At first it swings madly back and forth, your emotions are everywhere all the time. You can go from despair to feeling OK in 5 minutes, and back again.

Gradually the pendulum swings slower, until you have days rather than seconds or minutes.

Eventually the pendulum stops, and you are OK again. Believe me, one day you will reach that point, and you too will be OK.

Thinking of you, and checking for postings all the time.

xxxxxxx

TiggersBestFriend · 18/11/2006 17:29

Dotty,
I haven't posted on this thread before but I have been following it from the start and just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you and your darlings every day.
I think you are wonderful mother and such a strong and courageous person to have been through so much and to keep going day by day.
I cannot begin to imagine how hard it has been for you.
I am sure there are many more like me who have been reading this who have not posted for whatever reason, but who care about you just as much and wish they could help in some way.
I hope you can draw strength from the thought of all those people out there who are wishing you well and have you in their hearts and prayers xxx

rainbowgirl · 18/11/2006 17:36

yes same goes for me Dotty; i'm feeling too negative myself right now to come up with words of wisdom and comfort but i think you are an amazingly strong woman and your dc are lucky to have you as a mum and you've got a huge amount of support from MN behind you, hope the rest of the weekend goes ok for you xx

zippitippitoes · 18/11/2006 17:55

if you want another pair of hands on monday, then i can try and be there too

otherwise thinking of you and hope you can keep going

2ndtime · 18/11/2006 18:06

Just sending you love and prayers.xx Take care Dotty.xx

juliaplustwo · 18/11/2006 18:58

Thank-god, NO thank mumsnet for you Kezza, we're here to support you to.

munz · 18/11/2006 19:21

dotty - glad you came back hon, please stop worrying about worrying us lot, you just look after you and those babies of yours, let us worry about ourselves! lol.

remember you're doing a fab job, you are a good mummy, even thou it might not feel it now. you'll have your good days and your bad ones, the thing is to recognise they're bad and think ok I can do this, tomorrow's a brand new day and one less sleep for you and the children to have before starting your new life.

i'm glad your family are supporting you every step of the way - and you get some help abroad - and even when you're ther if you have the net MNet will still be here as a sounding board.

I really am so pleased for you, you are a strong lady, you can do this, please just believe in yourself a little.

might it be better if you do the bare minimum cleaning wise so it's liveable, get your bit's together for leaving and then get your mum into do a bigger clean once you've gone - will prob be easier that way as well as then it will stay nice and clean as opposed to when little ones are there playing with toys etc and it getting all messy again - mine's only 9 months and he's bad enough so with 2! lol. might be an option thou, and one less thing for you to worry about.

remember thou, little steps, break the day down if you have to - work in mornings and afternoons if that helps you. take things one stage at a time

ImaVeryMerryChristmasFairy · 18/11/2006 21:38

Dotty - hang on in there...you are being amazingly strong, far stonger than I think I could ever be.

xxxxxx

Mell2 · 19/11/2006 09:44

Well done Dotty. If you need another pair of hands on Monday (or Tues & Wed) before you go, let me know. I can get the tube to Dag East & Heathway if you are near there.

Take care xxx

MammyM · 19/11/2006 11:37

Good morning Dotty, how are you today? I'm not going to post so often anymore to give you some breathing space, but please know I'm still thinking of you all, take care.

clemsterdarcy · 19/11/2006 11:55

One day, one step, one breath at a time Dotty.

You're allowed to be up and down.

Don't be afraid. Don't be embarrassed.

Just be you -- wonderful, coping, brave you.

LOL x

fizzbuzz · 19/11/2006 13:05

Clemster,were you a poet in a previous life? Shelley or Keats or someone? Or are you just a professor of english? Your posts are very calming and soothig.

Dotty still thinking of you.....xxx

zookeeper · 19/11/2006 14:36

Yes I love Clemster's posts- they're very soothing and loving - make me feel better too!

rainbowgirl · 19/11/2006 18:15

dotty hope you're ok xx

lulumama · 19/11/2006 18:16

hi dotty......hope you are doing ok...xxx

lissiew · 19/11/2006 18:39

i've just scanned this thread, and i was in tears. pnd is the most debilitating illness, and i feel for you. i know you feel bullied and stressed out but for every 2 bad days youll have 1 good and eventually you'll forget what the bad 1s are like.will keep checking in were all here x

fussymummy · 19/11/2006 20:03

dotty I've just read some of the posts on this thread with great sadness.

You really shouldn't be going anywhere with a new baby and a c/section scar that hasn't healed properly yet.

You are desperately ill and will need anti depressants.

Maybe a short time in hospital will help you.

You need to speak to your GP and HV a.s.a.p.

At present i'm coming out the other side of the black hole that you feel you're in.

Does your area have a Post Natal Depression group????

They would help you so much.

Have you thought of temporary foster care instead of the drastic measure of leaving the country.

You could call for help right now if you wanted to.

I feel for you so much and i really wish i could be there to help you.

There are so many of us on here who are willing to stay in touch and help you through this awful time in your life.

Will you get the care from a midwife in another country????

Will your children get all the immunisations they require???

So many people have been where you are now.

I really want you to know that i as a mother will be with you all the way with support and kind words, if you'll let me.

Please take care with whatever decision you make.

Keep your little ones close to you always.

Thinking of you. xxxxxxxxx

clemsterdarcy · 19/11/2006 21:01

I had a tough day today too Dotty ... and you know, thinking about you out there, soldiering on, getting through the day allbeit with a heavy heart just helped me so much to cope with it all.

I'm so glad that you're there. Thank you.

Let's try to rest. Try to visualise better days that are just around the corner.

We're going to be just fine. We're going to be happy once these clouds pass -- let them sail by.

xx

MusicLover · 19/11/2006 21:06

hi Dotty

Still thinking aobut you. Hope you are coping ok.

take care
keep strong

(((hugs)))) x

2ndtime · 19/11/2006 21:49

Just want you to know I'm still thinking of you.xx

Original poster
dottymum · 20/11/2006 09:55

Hi...I just found my dd Brit passport...after 3 days looking for it...at the bottom of the toys in her room..she said she was playing going to disney with it....I had to laugh..which is prob a good sign.
I have good days and not so good ones. Im gettign close to leaving now, which is helpgin. Whatever doesnt get done before I go, just doesnt get done. Now I just have to pick up the emergency passport for ds, and Kezza is coming to help me pack up and tidy. Made mum promise to come and clear out the flat when I leave.
Spoken to dh..seems like some major miscommunication. We are meeting him out there, and hopefully can at least talk. I feel a lot better for speaking to him

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 20/11/2006 09:59

Hi Dotty

I hope you have a good day today with Kezza. Only a few days to go and hopefully you will feel more sorted by the end of the day. Do leave the unimportant stuff.

Glad you've had some contact from dh.

xxx