help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

I have just spoken to my dh's cousin who is a GP and he has said there is not a lot I can do without knowing her address.

Even when I told her I would fully support her desicion to send the chuildren and I would help her do it she said no and she needed to do it on her own.

I really believe she is hanging on until Friday and then she will give up.

Dotty, if you are reading this I am really sorry I said I would call the police, I was just worried about you and that was a knee jerk reaction. you can absolutely trust me, and I will keep calling you to make sure you are ok.

Please please let me help you.

Please dont call the police or social services, I feel really pressirised and bullied. I should never have posted here or asked for help. I knew it would backfire

sorry dotty...don;t want to scare you or do anything bad...but the thought of you not being with your kids is so awful...please let kezza help, please xx ((((((hug))))) this is not to hurt you or cause you pain..but to see you get well.......

we canlt do that as we don;t know where or who you are.......it is not to bully you..but to help...i promise....

we are all depseratyl worriued and dion;t know how to help

honestly .......

Keep posting dotty, everyone is on your side, we just care, no-one will do anything you ask us not to.

honestly dotty.....so sorry....

Dotty, I absolutely promise I will not do anything you dont want me to do. I am just so worried about you.

I am here for you, and if you decide to send the dcs I will help you. You will need someone even more when they are gone.

I truely know how hard it is to ask for help and I have never been in such a sad situation as you. When you feel like this you feel like a burden, but if that was true everyone here would have walked away by now and they havent.

When we spoke last night it really seemed like we got on. You even ended up giving me advice on a child after a miscarriage so in actual fact you helped me as much as I helped you.

I need to go back to my gp next month to discuss ttc again so would appreciate talking to you more about this.

I will email you my mobile number.

me too dotty.......

i have to go and do a few bits while LO is asleep..so will check in soon.....

everyone here is rooting for you....xxx

Hi Dotty

I know it's inredibly hard for you. Thinking of you at the moment in the difficult choices you are making.

I hope we can help practically.

xxxx

dotty, please understand no one's trying to bully you, or pressure you, no one's going to force you into doing anything you don't want to, we're just pleading with you to reconsider, meet with kez - or anyone else your mum can she pop over, if not kez how about aother mnetter?

thing about your little girl, you really do need some extra support, and remember you'll have these bad days same as you'll have those fantasic good days you've been talking thru with us. main thing is not to give up.

you're doing brilliantly you're a real strong lady, have a chat to your GP or h/v and take things from there.

Dotty i have only just seen this.
i was a social worker and justw anted to reasure your that there is nothing they can do with justbeign given a sheet ogf paper printed from the web.

I woudl also ask that people not mention calling SS or anything like that again as Dotty is clearly distressed at the thought. i understand your only trying to help and you are all deeply concerned (as am i and i have only skimmed)

sweetheart i don't know where you are but i am begging you to give your local NCH family centre a call. they will have someone there for you to discuss things with. it does sound to me as if you are dperessed, and the break down of your relationship would not have helped that obviously.

you are not a bad mother, your children will notbe taken from you and no one will do anything you don't want them to. but you do need to talk.
your HV will be bale to give you details of the local NCH if you don't know it already.

please don't stop posting here. we may be strangers but there are many MANY mners with real experiance of what you are going through and others who can offer more specialised support.

if you are worried about contacting any official then please by all means contact me on

Fattiemumma @ msn dot com

who are those folks who come into your house as well and help out, kinda a sure start thingy? they give you general help around the house etc and support, but are not there to do everyhting, thewy might be worth finding out about

I think time is against Dotty she is trying to do a huge amount in a very tight framework..by Thursday..it would be an uphill task in any circumstances preparing to emigrate after a birth on their own without help never mind coping with dperession and separation

It is very daunting..just try to take little steps, and please don't try to clean the house just do the essentials

munz your thinking of Home start. they would be very good but for the fact dotty is leaving.

as zippi says. do the very bare minimum required, dont bother tidying..your leaving the country, eat take out so no need for shopping or extra washing up..try not to worry about the small stuff - Ds will be fine and your dd giving him his dummy shows she is more accepting of him, things are easing between them and she is trying to help with him.

Last work from dotty was that the kids are going on their own.

I dont really know what to do now and feel slightly overwhelmed that a trip to parenting site has left me feeling so resposible for someones health and wellbeing.

I am not going to post again until I have spoken to dotty again. Dotty I dont want you to think I am talking to you and then repeating it all here, you can trust me.

I will call you again later for a chat. I have every faith in you as a person and think you are totally worth my time and effort, so be prepared for more calls from me

thanks fattymumma......just so hard to know what to do..

kezza...you are a trouper.....xx

dotty........best of luck whatever you decide..i can't offer or say more than i have done already.....but i hope you get well and that you ahve a futire with your kids.....x

the airline would not allow two children of this age to travel alone so don't panic.

Kezza i think its fantastic that Dotty has found someone she feels comfortable to discuss these things with and i hope that you are able to get ti talk to her.

that's the one fatty - will they not be able to help out in the short term or do they take longer to get going?

there is usually a waiting list, and assesment, then they have to match with a volunteer and get a initial meet organised. the whole process could take weeks or even months

The dc's won't be on their own, their auntie was going to come and collect them.
Darling Dotty, how my heart goes out to you alas your thinking is so distorted at the moment, how I wish you could see that.

Please try not give up now, you have made so many little steps. Try and build on those although you feel desperate and devoid of any energy or will...confusion and greif are so draining.

Thinking of you....x

Morning Dotty, just checked in to say goodmorning and saw how things are , you must recognise that this a just a bad day, you're bound to have them, don't forget how far you've come in a few days and you haven't had any more help or support than you have on here (I think) it's amazing to think you've done so well, imagine how much better you'd be if you got the AD's it seems you need? Think of the decisions you made when you were feeling better and try to hold on to that. Please phone Kezza, if there's a day when you need a friend, it's today. Thinking of you all today as always, good luck!

Are you ok Dotty? Hope you have spoken to Kezza.

xxxxxxxxx

Kezza, it's hard being in your position, but try not to worry, you've got everyone's backing, we're here for you aswell.

Dotty, hope you're having an OK day, would love to hear from you.

((((((((hugs to you both)))))))))

Ive just spoken to Kezza and she is coming over on Monday to my place to help me pack. Ill go with the children, despite how hard it is to actually get out there.

Im sorry for worrying everyone. Ive really been struggling.

Ill get counselling nd ads when Im out there. Ive spoken to family and they are sorting an appointment for the week after I get there.

I might well wibble in the meantime, but Im sure I can stay strong enough to actually get out there with the kids and get help.

I love dd very much, and we have spoken and had a big hug, and i love ds too. I need both of them as much as they need me.

Wonderful Dotty

Im glad your accepting help from Kezza, she sounds very genuine, & you need all the help you can get. Its one of the most difficult times in your life-to move, without having the difficulties you are facing at the moment.
So dont expect too much of yourself & take each day slowly.

Your very brave, strong & a couragous person, it takes Guts to do what you are doing. Give yourself a big pat on the back darling-Your'e doing well.

Keep us posted, we will all together see you through this.

((((((hugs)))