awful shock. not sure I want to be here.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello.

I was going to namechange but can't be bothered.

Just received a very upsetting email from a close relative (not the relative being abusive. I get on with them and love them. It's just the email contained some very upsetting news).

The last few years have been hard. My parents split up and there were lots of complications. Just as it looked as if things might get better I get this bomshell.

I am sorry. I know that I am being irritatingly cryptic but I have to get something out now or I will take an overdose or cut or something (I have cut in my life but have an urge to now). This is something which could destroy our family. I have already been struggling with depression but am on tablets and coping day to day. Generally feel ok. Now this. If I can think of ways to put details up without identifying myself I will but this is terrible and I am so sick of it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I mean peaceful.

[RachaelAgnes]

Hi Raft
Just want to add my support, will be on and off here much of the night, til about 06:30, so if you want to chat, an put your thoughts out there, I'll be here to 'listen'

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Thank you Rachel.

I have some professional support but I am not sure my doctor knows how bad it is. I suppose I could tell him. Tbh I didn't need too much until today.

[ADHDNoodles]

Hey, just wanted to give you my support and hand holds.

I don't really have any good advice, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Watch that appearing to cope thing. People want to help but can't if you are pretending to be OK

[ChubbyKitty]

It might be good to tell your doctor, even if it's just for a RL ear to listen. Or there might be some extra help he can offer you while all this is going on.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Thank you ADHD

MrsTerryPratchett I know what you mean. I don't exactly pretend to cope but I think it would upset people if they knew how I really felt and I don't want to hurt anyone. If anyone had hurt me deliberately it would be different (I can be pretty blunt when I want to be).

[ChubbyKitty]

MrsTerryPratchett is right, appearing strong in troubling times can do more harm than good as others may tend to lean on you as a pillar of strength iyswim?

[RachaelAgnes]

It's probably worth a visit to your doctor, even if you feel you're doing ok at the moment, if it has the potential to upset you further, your doctor will already be on board.

Take support where you can in RL, and if possible, try not to take on everyone else's feelings to help them cope, you have to be gentle with yourself.

If you have any tried and tested coping mechanisms, now is the time to start putting them in place

[ChubbyKitty]

Racheal has said what I meant!(thank you)!

In times like this, it's good to have support in place for if/when you do crumble, rather than crumbling first then trying to get help as that may put more strain on you.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

My doctor does know a bit about it. I am on fluoxetine. I am now developing really bad bruising. Is that normal on fluoxetine does anyone know? I have been on it before and not had any problems.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Prevention is better than cure I agree. My doctor told me to come back before I got my ESA note (it was due 2 months after the appointment) but I forgot When I got my ESA note the doctor asked how I was and I said fine because I was then. Just about.

[RachaelAgnes]

It's not listed as a side effect, so it may be worth getting your bruises checked out

[ADHDNoodles]

While you still have a clear head right now, copy this, write the phone numbers you need on a sticky note to put on your computer, and book mark the link. That way if you feel overwhelmed in the next few days, minutes, hours you have some emergency tools on hand and in plain site for you.

Crisis Online Chat

Assistance/Hotlines:

US Hotlines:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Hotlines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]
b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I bruise very easily anyway so it might not be anything but will check it out just in case.

Thank you ADHD. Have copied and pasted all those numbers. I am really embarrassed about this. Thank you everyone who's come on here.

[RachaelAgnes]

No need to be embarrassed.

Sometimes it's easier to get your thoughts straight by getting them out of your head and written down, where better than somewhere like this, where you have folk to help you think through them.

Confusion, hurt, the desire to help and protect others are all normal - you have to be careful to not let your concern for others welfare overwhelm you and your health (both mental and physical)

Are you in the UK?

[gertiegusset]

Just wondering Raft have you posted before?

[ChubbyKitty]

Don't be embarrassed, I don't think anyone here thinks bad of you for feeling this way and no one from the services that have been posted and your doctor won't either.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Not posted on mental health no although I lurk a lot.

Yes in the UK.

[RachaelAgnes]

In that case, Raft, is there any chance you might be able to get some sleep tonight?

I know you must feel like your brain is spinning, but rest will help you deal with your day tomorrow

If not, I'll still be here!!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Don't be embarrassed. Everyone needs an ear sometimes and it took me until I was a lot older than you to learn to ask.

[BOFster]

I'm just up for a minute between dreams- so sorry to hear you're feeling desperate. Can you drink some sweet tea and listen to something suitably interesting-yet-boring to distract yourself like this radio podcast? It is the sort of thing that works for me when I'm having a dark night of the soul and I just need to get through to the morning without doing something stupid.

I hope you feel stronger in the morning x

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I will sleep eventually but not yet. I am a night owl anyway

I want to give up but am trying really hard not to. I know it would hurt people but I am hurting.

I am trying to read to distract myself.

[RachaelAgnes]

Tell me about what you're reading

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

everyone.

I have some TV on in the background and am doing some breathing exercises.