awful shock. not sure I want to be here.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello.

I was going to namechange but can't be bothered.

Just received a very upsetting email from a close relative (not the relative being abusive. I get on with them and love them. It's just the email contained some very upsetting news).

The last few years have been hard. My parents split up and there were lots of complications. Just as it looked as if things might get better I get this bomshell.

I am sorry. I know that I am being irritatingly cryptic but I have to get something out now or I will take an overdose or cut or something (I have cut in my life but have an urge to now). This is something which could destroy our family. I have already been struggling with depression but am on tablets and coping day to day. Generally feel ok. Now this. If I can think of ways to put details up without identifying myself I will but this is terrible and I am so sick of it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

xxxxx

[Sijeunessesavait]

Raft
I hope you will manage a good night's sleep tonight

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I'm all right. I forgot to take my rescue remedy. I think that calms me down.

[marriednotdead]

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Feeling a bit hyper why why why what is wrong with my brain/ I was going to go to bed knew i had to go but i suddenly had a lot of energy so didn't. now still have energy but depressed. i am going to try and read in bed.

i am fed up with myself.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

No too poor at the moment

I think my muscle mass is ok. I am fairly fit. I managed to eat some chicken today which wasn't too bad.

I am now on buscapan which is helping a bit,

[Thumbwitch]

- well make sure you don't lose muscle mass, which might be one of the things that the acetone breath is suggesting - ketosis can be breakdown of fat tissue though so could be good! Keep up your protein intake, that will save your muscles. Did you get any Complan or similar?

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Oh don't worry Thumb you concentrate on getting better and come back when you're ready.

I know. It's a bit alarming but I am very far from fading away

[Thumbwitch]

Oo Raft - acetone breath isn't a great thing, I'm sure you know that - but so long as you're managing to eat a bit more you should be ok.

Sorry I've been a bit quiet the last couple of days, I've got a cold/bronchitis and it's really taking it out of me in terms of reading and comprehending stuff, so I've only done easy things.

Glad you're taking the things you should be and hope that they take effect very soon xx

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Here is an update.

I am struggling now but am taking medication soon so will be ok.

I have multi vitamin tablets.

My breath is smelling a bit nail varnishy which is annoying but I am discovering food which I can eat more easily.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello Married and ta for the link.

Goodnight

[marriednotdead]

Hello

Thought I'd pop by to say goodnight and hope that you sleep well.If you are bored or can't, I can usually find something to entertain me on here

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I have written a to do list for tomorrow. It isn't much and I don't know how much I'll get done but I think it's nice to have a framework. I won't beat myself up if I don't accomplish everything on it

I am feeling pretty tearful now but I have made a small plan of action:

Soon (probably after I post this) I will take some rescue remedy. I have decided to start exercising again as well. I go for a walk every day but I want to start doing some toning and yoga exercises. I am aiming for four times a week at first but I will see how it goes.

Thumb I read your post and thanks for the advice and link which is very interesting I know a bit about vitamins. I will buy some multis when I can afford it. I am trying to eat as healthily as I can.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Waves.

Sorry. cant post more.

[Thumbwitch]

I hope you got some benefit from the rescue remedy and managed to get to sleep too x

Another thing that might be an idea would be to do a food diary - I know you're not eating much but it would be interesting to see if there are any foods you eat that increase the "bad" feelings, iyswim.

Also, if you're still not eating properly, get yourself a multi vit/min supplement - some B vitamins in particular are linked to depression, as is low iron, and low vit D. Also lack of certain essential oils (omega 3) can be linked too.

www.nutri-facts.org/eng/topic-of-the-month/detail/backPid/94/article/micronutrients-and-depression/ this article talks about some of them.

It's important to get a multi, not individual supplements, because that way you won't throw the balance out of other micronutrients.

Something else to try, anyway :)

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

am not ok not by a long way but i have taken a rescue remedy and made a cup of tea and i hope to get to bed soon.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello.

I am ok. I have a physio appointment tomorrow.

Thumb I forgot about the mood chart Thanks for reminding me.

It isn't so much that graphs aren't my thing it's just that I can't understand them. I'm dyspraxic. Maybe it's a spatial thing. Are graphs spatial? I don't know.

Walks off rambling to self...

[Thumbwitch]

PLeased that the appt went well, and the increased dose should take effect in a few days.

Have you tried the mood chart at all? I know you said graphs weren't your thing but it's something else to concentrate on. Get pretty colours and shizzle and make it look good. If you like that sort of thing of course - I'm a bit of a stationery addict so pretty much any kind of excuse to buy new stationery makes me happy!

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

I am not very patient

I am ok today. Thanks Sij

xxx

[Sijeunessesavait]

Glad you were properly heard, Raft, and the increase in meds will help to keep you going until you are referred for some counselling.

Meanwhile concentrate on being kind to yourself, and know that you can and will get better. It will take time, though, and patience!

xxx

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hiya,

I wasn't nervous. Luckily I'm ok with doctors etc. Think I'm just having stomach problems.

Doctor was quite helpful and very nice. It's probably bad depression. I will be having my more in depth analysis in a couple of weeks. She has upped my medication dose. I agreed to it as temporary thing. I know I need to talk to someone but it will help in the meantime.

[Thumbwitch]

Oh no! I was out at playgroup - a rain-drenched affair, as it turned out.
Hope that you are asleep now - are you a wee bit nervous about your appt in the morning?

Sending soothing sleepy vibes your way just in case.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Can't sleep. Feel ill.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Thank you Thumb and Married

[marriednotdead]

Crossing my fingers that tomorrow's appointment brings you some much needed hope and direction