awful shock. not sure I want to be here.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello.

I was going to namechange but can't be bothered.

Just received a very upsetting email from a close relative (not the relative being abusive. I get on with them and love them. It's just the email contained some very upsetting news).

The last few years have been hard. My parents split up and there were lots of complications. Just as it looked as if things might get better I get this bomshell.

I am sorry. I know that I am being irritatingly cryptic but I have to get something out now or I will take an overdose or cut or something (I have cut in my life but have an urge to now). This is something which could destroy our family. I have already been struggling with depression but am on tablets and coping day to day. Generally feel ok. Now this. If I can think of ways to put details up without identifying myself I will but this is terrible and I am so sick of it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

No and they only way they got me that appointment was by seeing the locum.

Blimey!

MInd you I was very spoilt when I was in the UK - I actually had a nice old-fashioned surgery that was pretty small, and I could usually get an emergency same-day appt, or get seen within a few days/week for non-urgent stuff. There were only 3 GPs in that surgery, their catchment was quite small, that helped.
When I moved house, I actually moved just outside their catchment but the GP surgery local to me was massive and awful; so I begged and begged to be allowed to stay. I was literally 100ft outside catchment - the other side of the railway line, and the railway was the cut off. Made life so much easier having good access to a GP!

I was just reading on another thread that serotonin levels dip at night, maybe that's contributing to your diminishing mood levels as it gets later - when do you take your fluoxetine?

I haven't got any complaints against my surgery in terms of service etc but there have been cuts all over the place and GP surgeries are suffering for it. There is no way I could afford to go private. I can't complain about the level of care. It's the waiting times.

I take mine in the morning. I have considered taking it later at night.

I haven't taken my tablet today. Am a bit scared to.

I hope the fear has passed and you've managed to take your tablet now Raft. Now is not the time to be adjusting medication doses without a doctors say so. Hope today has been a bit better and you have found some distractions that are pleasurable

Meanwhile, I found this...

No. Not taking it. I think it might be doing something bad. I saw my dad today and we had a cream cheese and salmon bagel at Starbucks I've discovered that I still have an appetite it's just less extensive. I have lost a little bit of weight but nothing dangerous

I have been tired today but I always am recently. Have had quite a pleasant day . Am just going to read the 10 things about you.

Married

Took my tablet.

Feel tired and alert. It's ridiculous. Bit like being drunk. I have not been drinking.

Depressed. V depressed. Going to look at my bank account and go to bed fairly soon. Am lookign forward to tomorrow so holding onto that.

Is your bank account likely to cheer you up or depress you further? Or is it just something you have to do?
Glad you had a nice bagel with your Dad - I used to love cream cheese and smoked salmon bagels, before I went wheat free - don't think you can get GF bagels, or if you can I've never seen any!

You can get GF bagels.

It's depressed me further. I am going to look again in a bit. I am waiting for my ESA. It is more likely to come in tomorrow to be honest but I am hoping.

It is my birthday and I have no money.

Oh honey, that's no good! Bloody banks, bloody people who are supposed to pay you on time etc etc.

Are you seeing family for your birthday? will that be better or worse for your mood? Or was seeing your Dad today because of your birthday?

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

yeah I know, that's possibly not the most appropriate thing to say just now but still! xx

Thank you. Yeah I saw my dad today for my birthday.

I'm seeing my mum and brother tomorrow for a meal. That will be nice. There are some issues but I will not discuss them because I just want to have a nice meal. There are other things we can talk about. I am looking forward to seeing him. We are going for a Thai meal.

I am looking forward to tomorrow but I still feel depressed. Why do I feel depresed? I took my pill. I am so crap.

I think I knew the money was more likely to come in tomorrow. I don't really need any today. I just want some. xx

It might just be because it's night time (and the serotonin levels drop), it might be that your fluoxetine levels dipped that little bit more because of the delay in taking your pill.
Do you find you get insomnia with the fluoxetine? A friend of mine did, but she had to live with it (she was taking the fluoxetine to counteract the side effects of some serious hormone meds she was taking, her doc didn't want to give her anything else to counter the side effects of the fluox!)

I don't know. I don't think so. It is a bit difficult getting to sleep but I manage it when I can.

I have done something really stupid.

Ooh bugger. Just realised how that might sound. I haven't done anything. I nearly did but I didn't. I have made myself a cup of tea. I was going to have some kalms but I can't find them so I have had two squares of dark chocolate instead. I have got 5 HTP but don't want to get serotonin syndrome.

I am doing deep breathing exercises.

I don't have to get up early tomorrow so I will still get a decent amount of sleep.

I am getting my hair cut tomorrow as a birthday present from my mum It needs it!

Glad you clarified - my heartrate has settled down again now! good job I was arsing around on Faceache and didn't see that for a bit!

What are you having done to your hair - just a trim or re-styling/colour?

Oh I'm sorry I can't say what it was on here but I am ok. i am not hurt. Promise. I am a bit ashamed now.

Pixie cut

Don't be daft - nothing to be ashamed of!

Oo lovely with the pixie cut idea - it would never suit me, sadly as my face is completely the wrong shape for it and my hair would go frizz central - I have no patience with hair products or even driers, so it's easier just to avoid short cuts!

I very rarely use a hair dryer or products lazy I don't get frizz. I have a lot of thick fine hair. My face is heart shaped with big eyes and a small nose and chin so I look better with my hair short/off my face. Too much hair overwhelms it.

I am going to bed . I don't know why I'm still up. I' going through so many mood swings I can't decide how I feel. It's a bit scary.

Good night/morning. xxx

NIght - hope you're sleeping now xx

Hi. I am all right.

I have had quite a nice day. Bit low now but I am sure I will get over it.

I have had my hair cut.

Help! I need advice. I have had a bit of wine. Not much. I daren't drink much now but i don't know whether to risk taking my prozac. Any advice? Xx