Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

See I'm back already!! Just wanted to say thank you to Vicar Ed and Bugsbasset for your lovely kind words, which provide a much needed ego boost, as depression can make us forget who we once were! I think Vicar that it was just you and me for a little while, and of course it is your thread.

It certainly is "an revoir" and not "adios" - anyway Vicar I definitely need to find out what happens in the world of work for you!!

Oh thank you to you too CinQ for your kind words too and anyone else I've forgotten!

afternoon everyone.

glad to hear that nana - will look forward to your visits. x

lucy - the procrastination and lack of clarity are definitely linked i think to depression - i think its something we have all had in common here. Definitely see a different gp with regard to the coil - i know your DH has concerns but there are other methods that might make you feel better.

im at doctors this afternoon. worrying a bit. not quite sure how to convey what happened on saturday. (when i lost the plot completely)

ive not phoned work. im procrastinating on that too.

Oh Nina so so pleased to read your post. For two reasons in that you are going to be staying with the thread ....and the head monster is in a coma

Hope the weather holds for your family visit to the Emerald Isle and you rest lots and enjoy the family time together.

Lucy Am sure hormones play a bigger part in womens depression /anxiety than realised by the docs . I know one of the ladies here posting has similar trouble . Seems to me that fluctuations cause an imbalance .......but there is little time between periods to recover equilibrium before the Pmt starts again.
Damn exhausting . We can send men to the moon but cant get real good research in to why so many ladies suffer far more than they should hormone wise .

I just cannot get the get up and go to do anything related to housework or garden . So it depresses me that my environment is messy and chaotic . I know once I get my house clean again and garden sorted it will lift me . Good word procrastination . I am for sure its biggest fan . Need good boot up the butt. This cant go on .

Vicar maybe you will be back from the doc as I type. And feeling better and supported . No job is worth a lovely wife and mum to feel so low as you did lovely lass. But hey go with the flow re work and see what they come up with maybe . Nothing to lose and dont fret . You know and we know that you did your job well . The probation period you passed superbly and dont forget it . The top brass have not a leg to stand on . Stand your ground re lack of mentoring and support from senior officers . a hug [unmumsnetty one of course]

Waves to all

I went to see my counsellor, it was a lady i saw a few years back and it was ok, it was just an assesment really. I ranted somewhat about the college and she said tht she has many clients from there! and that it has a notorious reputation for mistreating their staff. She also put my mind at rest somewhat over the reference situation. So again i feel a bit vindicated and a little bit less useless.

DP has just been offered some work with an agency, i wont relax and believe it until he goes out the door to do it but this could be a bacon saver, its only 6 weeks duration but with a possibility of extension. Like i say though, i wont count my chickens.

Colouringinqueen, could you come to my house and clean my kitchen please? I have still to load the dishwasher from last night Glad you feel better for seeing your counsellor.

Ed how is your neck today ?

Bugs - hello - oh i so hear you regarding the state of the house, its the same for me and DP, our house looks like its inhabited by squatters, and thats on a good day - We keep saying we will sort it out, do we do it? do we bollocks - every year the same. I think both DP and myself are coming to breaking point with it though so im hoping tthat we can kick that bastard procrastination in the teeth as well.

Its funny (well not funny at all!) that you have suffered as a result of lack of support Vicar, why is it that people in management treat people this way. and more to the point? Why are they getting away with it?

Hi,
please can I join you? I haven't read all the threads becauser I'm having a rought time and can't concentrate much. Sorry.

48, married with 2 DSs. Had depression all my life, since adolesence and have spent soooo much of my life and my energy trying to fight it alone with endless self help books, with the result that I must be the world's biggest underachiever (went to oxbridge, got a good degree but never earned as much as the minimum wage - never felt worth more.) Had severe PND after birth of DC and after a few trials with failed drugs ended up on Citalopram, which worked wonders for five years until earlier this year.
The side effects are just too much for me now. I sleep 12-14 hours a day. I'm now 25lb overweight, having never been overweight before. And I get nothing done. Achieve nothing, day in day out, much the same as when I was depressed. Today I have walked 3.5 miles with a friend first thing, then come home to do a mountain of work and done none of it. Not even picked up the report I'm working on.
I desperately want to come off the ADs but am scared.
Sorry for being a newbie who comes on and offloads but i saw the title of the thread and thought, yes please. I need help. Don't know what to do for the best for my DC and DH (who is long term unemployed with worries of his own!)

Hi there patchy - Ive not been on this thread long either, but have been getting support from mnet or a lon time. I know where you are coming from with the degree thing, i feel exactly the same, its to do with low self esteem. I am hoping to change that. Maybe it is time to change your AD, or at maybe come off? I would be careful about doing that though as i came off citalopram against medical advice about three years ago and now back to square one - with diazepam thrown in for good measure.

I too get fuck all done during the day, but i did much the same when i wasn't on the tablets, so i put that down to the anxiety and depression. Anxiety is my bigger problem although now i know im battling depression too it all sort of makes more sense.

Have you done any counselling at all? Do you think tht might help you come off the pills? I don't think a counsellor will want to work on coming off meds directly, but if you could sort your head out you may well find you don't actually need them anymore?

How old are your children? I have two, 22 and 7, bit of a gap, both girls :)

Thanks for replying Lucy.

Is there ever any end to it? Pretty sure I shouldn't try to come off the ADs right now as I'm feeling low any way. I'm just soo tired of living a half life, of not achieving what I could or should: earning a proper living, keeping fit, keeping my house in good order, having a lively social life. I'm tired of everything being a struggle and borderline coping.

What I hate most about depression is the glimpses of the person I'd be if I didn't have it. I hear so much about the people I was at uni with - publishing books, and making films, becoming QCs and running the country. Not that I want to be doing what they are, just to be doing somehting as worthwhile. Hmm.

Thanks for the suggestion of counselling. Not sure it would suit me. Whenever I've tried it before, I get so panicked by how they pry into your background that I never want to return. If only I could lose the weight and get my physical energy back, I'd be happy to stay on ADs forever.

DC are 10 and 11, both boys, very happy and lively and bright. But I know one of them will suffer depression, I recognise it in his personality and have done everything I can to try and stop it happening to him. He gets plenty of attention and support and is made to feel worthy and deserving of a good life. But can you protect children from what's bred in the bone? My DF had severe depression throughout my childhood, his mother had it before him and was so debilitated by it that her kids grew up hating her (she was a lousy mum) and were totally estranged from her. So there is progression through the generations. I love my dad and we're close. He was very difficult but he was also loving. I try to be a very good mum and do all the things for my DC that weren't done for me as a child. Just hope it's enough.

Of course its enough!! The thing is, how do you know that your friends who are off living these amazing lives are actually happy? writers are notoriously depressive and if they're running the country, lets face it, they aren't doing such a great job

What would you like to do? Can you think of ways to make it happen - do you work? If not, could you volunteer in an area of interest? I did that and it did improve my confidence. Then i took on a job and was screwed up by my shite employers.

It sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on yourself - I am starting to come to terms with the fact that actually i wont be persuing my previous career and starting to think of other things i might like to do.

Thanks so much for replying again, Lucy. LOL at the ones running the country. yes, they're not doinga great job, but they must have so much self confidence and physical energy just to do it. that's what I admire, not the end product!

A few people have said to me recently that I put a lot of pressure on myself. Not quite sure what else could be done to try and get out of a bad rut. Is there a way out without pressure?

You're right of course that these people in the public eye aren't necessarily happier, but at least they are using some of the skills they were born with. It's the endlessly frittering away of time that gets me down. I run my own business, which I really enjoy usually, but could work ten times more with better energy levels. The money coming in is minimal because I get too sleepy to work more than two hours a day while the Dc are at school, and can't focus when they are home.

cbt doesn't need to include discussion of your past, patchy (hello btw) - it's more about changing thought processes and patterns of behaviour. it's the therapy of preference so is relatively easy to access both on the nhs and privately.

I have made a right arse of myself - the emails have continued! the county training manager has been very dismissive and has really got my back up grr

generally I'm feeling like I can't go on. if there was some way of waking up tomorrow as somene else, I'd be there like a shot. I really am disgusting.

hellesbelles - i can't help but notice an underlying trend here - bloody managers, they seem to rule by making people feel insecure and crap, at least that is how mine worked, after a while you end up believing them. Fuckers! Taking a step back from my crock of shite, i think i did ok actually.

I hope no one minds me posting on here. I have read this thread and identify with so much that has been said.

I have suffered from depression since adolescence. Grew up in an extremely abusive household, I was terrified of my dad and his temper which he regularly took out on me, my siblings and my mum. Witnessed a lot of horrific DV against my DM which has left so many emotional scars. I always wished my childhood away, desperately looking forward to the time I could escape and make a life for myself. Went to uni and achieved a first, got my foot in the door at a great company and then things started to unravel and my depressive episodes became more frequent. I lurched from one abusive relationship to the next, found I couldn't cope at work so I 'job hopped' a lot and basically have made a massive mess of my CV. Things came to a head two years ago when I had a breakdown and tried to take my own life - since then things have been really, really hard.

I've been on all sorts of different AD's, had CBT, am currently having psychotherapy and am under the care of the local well being service but I just feel in a rut and the depression isn't lifting. I feel a failure and frustrated with my life; I had such high hopes and I feel I have achieved nothing.

APatchyLass - what you said about hearing how others are now doing well for themselves has really struck a chord. When I hear about my uni friends in high flying careers I feel frustrated. I know if it wasn't for my illness I could be doing similar sorts of things and it makes me very sad. It doesn't help that my dad always says: "If you didn't have depression you could have been so successful. You've ruined your chances now." Thanks dad, really helpful!

Anyway, sorry for the essay. It helped to write that down and, again, I hope you don't mind me gate crashing this thread!

Hi everyone esp new people, sorry I'm not going to namecheck everyone as feeling very foggy this eve.

patchy and cappucino I so understand what you mean about feeling like an underachiever. I am also an oxbridge graduate (a good conversation stopper I tend to find) and feel v inferior compared to my peers. Sorry to hear you're both having such a tough time.
Lucy my burst this morning has been followed by a crash this eve Glad your session with counsellor was helpful. I completely get what you're saying about thinking about doing something different. I can't see me going back to marketing, but am enjoying learning to paint.

Helles so sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish today. I've read your brilliant advice on other threads and you sound like a lovely person. Hang in there.

I'm really hoping my worse mood the last couple of days is hormone related. Otherwise I think I'm going to have to try another AD. Have been on Fluox for a while now and altho I was a bit better last week, I think that was also because I did pace myself better and there weren't any extra stresses...

Sending much sympathy and warm wishes to everyone x

Helles your distress is palpable. Oh my you are not disgusting . That inner voice that says these awful things needs evicting .......but the beast is sneaky and hard to shake I truly know.
You are a valuable kind lady . You work hard for others . You have integrity .

Bullies are all around us and that training manager is a perfect example. Do not let these people into your mind or soul for one second . Not long until Easter break and some restoring of your spirit . New life and spring around the corner.
I have lived long enough now to see karma . Not revenge at all . Just if you treat people badly ........then it comes back to you . Thinking of you .

Hello apatchylass and Cappuccino

So many of us of all ages and different lives struggling . our lovely Vicar started this thread . I feel at home here . Hope you do too .

helles - you are really truly not seeing yourself as others do. You are being undermined by idiots. Dont let anyone make you feel like this - they are not worth it - you worth 100 of them. believe it. its true.

easter is nearly here, and a rest. a rest from work. a rest from people who dont make you feel better.

bugs is right about karma btw....hang on in there lovely.

I saw gp. Ive still heard nothing from work - i was meant to phone occy health today - will do it in next day or so. GP gave me another sick note but with the view that within this period something should be sorted for me to get back to work - she thinks that being off is now causing me anxiety. I cant go back until they call this case conference - which no one seems to be in any rush to do.

im going to the stables tomorrow. sod it.

Im also taking a stand with DD. Her not talking to me like shit lasted all of 2 days - she wanted her navel piercing on Friday, i booked it, tonight i had the audacity to ask about college and got a mouthful of abuse.

i said "carry on and..." so she thought she would fill in the blank and say "yeah yeah, im grounded"

i said no. im not taking you on friday. simple.

and im sticking to it. im cancelling it tomorrow. She will throw a strop but i need to make a stand and say enough is enough. Ive become so passive, everyone is walking all over me. I need to take some control back. Starting at home.
am bracing myself for the fall out.

Good for u vicar re: your DD. Sounds like exactly the right decision. I know what you mean about being passive - discipline (without wishing to sound like a victorian school mistress) has slipped a bit here too and it doesn't help anyone... Stand firm drink wine Good luck!

thanks colouring

i meant to say welcome also to the new posters.... a warm welcome.

well done vicar stand firm with her.

i dont really know what happened or when, but i never used to let my kids treat me like shit.....

somehow ive ended up in this position.
a few weeks ago i accidently dyed 2 of her t shirts blue.....she told me to fuck off and die....she threw the hugest strop ever. there was absolutely no reasoning with her - not even DH could talk to her.

and i ran out to boyes for dylon and apologised and dyed them back.....wtaf?? when did i get like this?

my mate yesterday said she would have put them in the bin. end of.
i felt guilty doing that. i paid for them. i felt i had to put them right. when i did she never said sorry.

ive no idea whats happened to me. if DD threw a tantrum at a 3 yr old i used to ignore her until she got over it.....somehow between then and now ive turned into a simpering idiot....

Evening all.

I shall start by saying welcome to the new faces.queen, queen, patch, lucyellens and anyone else I've forgotten.

Manic day here so I've only skimmed the thread. Hang in there *helles. 2 more days to go before a rest.

Stay strong and firm vicar. I'm having problems with dtd1 at the moment and her total disregard for me, for others and material possessions. Will post more tomorrow.

Waves to everyone else. I will try and grt to grips with the rest of the thread. Right noe I'm shattered. Couldn't get to sleep last night till nearly 2am vecayse of pain. Up at 8. Spent the day tooing and froing and sitting in various medical waiting rooms with friend and her dd.

Now I'm in bed. My neck and shoulders hurt. But I'm going to gave a positive day tomorrow baking easter cupcakes with the dcs :)

Evening all.

I shall start by saying welcome to the new faces. queen, queen, patchy, lucyellens and anyone else I've forgotten.

Manic day here so I've only skimmed the thread. Hang in there *helles. 2 more days to go before a rest.

Stay strong and firm vicar. I'm having problems with dtd1 at the moment and her total disregard for me, for others and material possessions. Will post more tomorrow.

Waves to everyone else. I will try and grt to grips with the rest of the thread. Right noe I'm shattered. Couldn't get to sleep last night till nearly 2am vecayse of pain. Up at 8. Spent the day tooing and froing and sitting in various medical waiting rooms with friend and her dd.

Now I'm in bed. My neck and shoulders hurt. But I'm going to gave a positive day tomorrow baking easter cupcakes with the dcs :)