Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

I don't have any pet rats...

I do appear to have a colony of mice in my garage though...I must deal with that....

Wow vicar do we need to start a new thread soon?!

Ed want to borrow a cat?!

Could do but vicar has offered to come and catch them for me

Right I must finish this brownie admin...then I am going to buy some more wool. I might get a bunch of bananas to make banana milkshakes while im out....

Must remember to get dressed first...I still have last nights pjs under my snuggly cardigan...

Oh CinQ my grand-daughter is at a private girls secondary school (only 400 girls) and her parents, both primary school teachers are making a big sacrifice to pay the fees. I don't agree with private education and my biggest worry was that the girls would be snobby and my DGD wouldn't have friends and she too is shy. However I am relieved to say that maybe times have changed as she does have friends, although she lives in a perfectly nice house (but on the wrong side of the tracks!) and all the girl's houses that she goes to are huge places, farms, gated houses, you know the sort of thing.

When you say you were unfashionably dressed, didn't you have a uniform as I think most private schools would have had one, but maybe not.

Strangely I too suffered at secondary school - a grammar for girls and I went from being "clever" at my primary school to meet stiff competition from other girls. Also I came from a working class family (respectable) but most of the other girls were middle class and had big houses, cars, telephones (this was in the 1950s) and whilst I did have friends I would never invite them back to our modest semi. I sank further and further down academically and ended up leaving before I took "O" levels and going to a college to learn commerce. Taught me to type though, and it's come in very useful!

Sorry I'm rambling on - your post just brought back these memories. Mind I have dreamed consistently over the years that I go back to that school, sometimes as a girl and sometimes as an adult, so it is evident that it is "unfinished business" and gets played out in my subconscious.

Incidentally my DGD has just had her 13th birthday party and opted for a family party (her mom has a big extended family) and it was brilliant, a Britain's Got Talent party, and she said it was her best party ever, but I am just starting to wonder if she didn't want to invite her friends back because her house is smaller than the ones where she has been...........hope not!!

Sorry I am digressing......

Thank you Vicar for the detailed info. Just what I wanted .Real nice of you to take the time . Hope you get some rest time now night shift has ended. You are managing so well ......I dont doubt how hard it must be and you are doing it with courage and focus.
Time now to rest with the jewel girls ....the cats ...the dog ....the hamster .the children ....the husband to look out for . Rest? Nice sort .
Have mental image of you reclining in your new bath with wine at hand and the jewel girls scarpering around you on the shower rail . Also the cats and the dog having a pow wow downstairs re the new residents .........like the witches in Macbeth .............

Hope the day is getting better for those struggling . Mornings are my most vulnerable time and it gets easier to cope as the day progresses . Something to do with the stress hormone Cortisol being at its peak on awakening I think .

I am concerned a bit that maybe my posts are coming across a bit flippant and too cheery [cringe]. I do apologise if so. I do ramble and high jack .
Truth is I love the chat here and feel comfortable among you all . I distract myself and dont find it helpful to talk about my mental health that much. There are issues that are practical based and no amount of counselling or meds are going to make life better really.
I would hate for anyone to feel they could not post how bad they are feeling because of me wittering .

Going to put a call out for Mama Koula. Been thinking of her and she hasnt been around for a while .

I agree re the pleasure in colours . My default is wool and textiles .

Off now to cook some smoked cod left over bits I found in the reduced section [scratter aisle Oh calls it ]. Mash and peas with it I think .

helles is also awol....

yes ED I have noticed that too but thought maybe she likes to post only at weekends ?

well, the good times couldnt last long i guess.

DS was sexually assaulted. He rang today in tears wanting to come home. He went to the police without talking to me first.

Ive had to speak to his disability advisor, who has got in touch with their safeguarding officer and their police liason.....also organising counselling for him.

im on days off which im so glad of. I couldnt have sorted this from work.

It could have been a lot worse, i hope he has learned something. He had been drinking and didnt see the warning signals from an older predatory male.

im so tired.

Oh Vicar how awful . how is he ? I dont know what to say . You must be distraught and yes so tired .

This is truly dreadful .........your poor boy .

sending strength and a hug sweetheart . x

((((((vicar & DS))))))

oh vicar rubbish. Sending hugs to you and DS. Hope he gets the support he needs and hope you can get some rest tonight.

Basset please don't think you ramble and you Never sound flippant. Your posts are always filled with kindness and sensitivity and I really value them. It's fine if you don't feel that posting about you is helpful - just wanted to say, you know we are all here if you need to. Good luck with the cooking. I have just made chilli for us, DD and friend, and DDs friend has said she doesn't really like chilli so we will see what she makes of mine! Else it will be bread and butter I think!

Huge huge huge hugs vicar

thank you

i have to say i was very cautious to begin with knowing how when stressed his perceptions get skewed, but ive checked it out, as has his named advisor, and its true. He made a report straight afterwards. He is feeling ashamed, upset, vulnerable. He didnt see what was coming because he does not read people due to his aspergers.

The disability team have arranged for the liason officer for the police to speak with him on tuesday. Im trying not to be 'police officer' with him and just mum who will sort it all out.

He is stressing. Ive spoken to him several times. He cant concentrate on work that is due in, and feels guilt that he did nothing while being assaulted.
Ive worked with rape crisis through work, so was able to explain "fight, flight, or freeze" but its so hard, and he cant accept it.

He just wanted to come home, but if he does he will fail his degree.

im still level 1.....came off nights this morning, feel disoriented and groggy and then he rang crying and pleading with me to go and get him....which i cant do, he needs to speak to police/uni/safeguarding team about this man, because DS has not been the first, but the first to report it.

he is a brave to do so, i just wish he had talked to me first. im ok i think really. ill call him again in a bit. he is just bewildered.

Oh Vicar, i am so so sorry to hear what has happened to your son :( There are just no words

Feeling rubbish tonight. Stuff with Doc and counsellor has really taken it out of me. I'm hoping posting again will help, no need to reply.

On top of this morning, my DH asked me to print out some reports from his MH Career Counsellor. The only way I know how to print them is to open them first. And despite really trying not to it was impossible not to read the first para, which was consistently about me and my MH issues. I know I should have tried harder not to. It was really hard to read things like "Jim's wife is struggling with significant depression" "Clear suicidal thinking" and other stuff which showed what a strain it was for him when I was at my worst in Feb, March. Feel sad for me, and sad for him. Back to feeling like a burden, guilty for not supporting him more when he was being made redundant/making his exciting freelance plans and perpetually bursting his bubble with my chronic anxiety and pessimism.

Slept for 2 hours this pm and still feel exhausted. DH gone out with a friend, so think I will opt for tv and chocolate again...

Sending warm wishes to everyone. This place is such a help.

The one thing that shines out here Vicar is he reported it and told his mum. Your boy did what must have been hard to do . And testament to you as his mother that he knew to do so and felt able to tell you sensitive stuff.....not easy for any person young or older .
I pray that your lovely lad will recover his confidence.He has done a very good thing for others who may have been abused by this shit of a man . That took guts to do .

It must take an awful toll on you Vicar . Your boy .

Communication is so important....talking ....listening.. isnt it ? You have made it ok for your children to tell you anything and that is the best counselling in my book.

Hope you know how good a mum you are for that .
Thinking of you both tonight .

ditto what Basset said about talking and listening x

Hi CIQ sorry you are feeling so rubbish tonight . Be kind to yourself though eh? You have had a pretty hefty day with counselling and the fatigue that goes hand in hand with that . No wonder you are tired and low .x

RE the reports you have read . It is all counsellor/therapist speak . Not your OH writing . You supported him last year and he will know how you feel because he has been there . It is their perception of his words re you being very depressed shunted into one cold sentence . Not nice .
You are not a burden love .........you are doing your best after two awful years . You are getting better slowly and actively getting support .
Look and list what you are achieving . Doing paint course ,been on holiday with all that entails ....seen friends ......looking after your children and their social lives . Hey you are doing just fine in my book .
Doing brilliantly

Have a warm bath maybe ? have a nice sleep and shoo those thoughts away re what you read . x

Basset talks alot of sense - such nice words for Vicar and CiQ who are both doing so so well.

Hugs to everyone - today seems to have been pants for most of us - lets hope things look up tomorrow - early night tonight.

I have come to a decision, I am giving up drinking - if not giving up, cutting down drastically - i have been pretty much drinking every night - from one glass to a whole bottle It stops now. I hope i manage to keep it up but i think im a few drinks from a serious drink problem :(

We had kentucky fried chicken instead of macdonalds, im now sat with DD watching beverly hills chihuahua (she is desperate for a chihuahua of her own - one day)

Thanks v much basset I keep reading your lovely post. And lem yes early night probably sensible. Much appreciated both.

That sounds like a good idea to cut down on the alcohol lem. I enjoy my wine too, but I do wonder if I am less good the next day because of it. Maybe just start with one or two nights without?

Watching The Village which I recorded. Good story but not the most cheerful! Then book and bed I think.

Take care all x

i feel a little selfishly caught up in my own whirlwind of misery just now so im sorry im not managing to read posts properly or give much support.

just as i feel like things are starting to feel less scary something else happens.
that said, the pills must be working. im coping. i think.

work feeling tiring but ok really, but i have some stuff to do over and above the normal workload to prove that can cut it....

there is nothing more i can do now for DS, other than keep talking to him. Uni have been so good with him, and im glad they are organising support for him. I would have liked nothing more than to go and fetch him but i dont want this to ruin his education. He has so many things due in right now that if he were to come home he would fail. That shit of a man cant be allowed to mess up his future. Im hoping that others will come forward because DS knows he is not the first to be targeted by this man.

anyway. thats me for tonight i think. Ive had a bath, and while in it had the jewel rat sisters out running around the bathroom, they are so funny, they discovered they can climb the towel rail and i kept seeing little faces peeping out from the towels....ive cleaned out the cage and they have also had a bath....i now know where the drowned rat saying comes from....a wet rat is a funny sight.....but they smell wayyyyy better....

thanks basset - you are so kindly and calming. I do really appreciate your sage advice and it does make me feel better. you have a knack for comforting people.

sorry you are also having a crappy time CIQ and i hope everyone else is ok....

What shall we call our next thread? think we need to start plotting out next one....

Don't worry about being caught up vicar. Honestly, YOU need and deserve support as much as your ds. I hope you can access some in rl as well as on mn or wherever else you feel comfortable.

I think we are all thinking of you.

How about...pearls, ruby's and can't remember the last...jewels of light at the end of the tunnel of despair...

Thanks vicar, and no need for you to worry - seriously tough day. I'm hanging in there and taking a lot of comfort from bassets wonderful words.

Drowned rat sounds funny .

Something with light/sun in the title maybe?

Really should try and go to bed soon... I get to this stage in the eve and need surgically detaching from the sofa...

night all x

lem I used to and still do drink sometimes too much . Looking back I self medicated for far too long with the wine after work . Shoes off fridge door open and that Ah moment. Every day
I got some good advice from another forum re sorting it . Started by diluting with soda water ......then only allowing myself to drink between certain hours eg 7pm until 8.30pm. I was too scared to go without and have days free at the beginning . To be honest I do think I had a drink problem although I never felt bad or got drunk which speaks for itself reading back .Never at work hasten to add .

I still have tendency to fall back on the vino if distressed or churney.
But my inner eye controls me MOST days . Not all sadly.
You are not alone by any means . Sorting it now is good . Alcohol exacerbates anxiety as we all know and I ignored .

You sounded so sad today and I hope tomorrow is kinder and you have lovely restoring sleep . night night x