Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

thank you both.

tbh I'm scared to write anything down on case I forget to throw it away and ds sees it. he's 12 and he needs to form an opinion of his dad based on his own experiences of his dad rather than on mine.

I am sort of mentally making a list of things to discuss at the next counselling session.

it sounds weird but I'm worried now that people see me as an abused wife. after all, if it's not a surprise to friends who didn't know us at the time, I must project that?

Do people see him as an abuser, Helles? So often they don't, mine reserved his nastiness for me, and no physical abuse. The hard part for me was giving up trying to explain to friends - as those who haven't experienced it think it must be down to both of you. Even my closest friends to whom I have ranted at length don't really get it.

Well, no, actually.

Hiya
I do think (based on my own experience) that it is better to write things down - can you hide a notebook somewhere high?! And sounds like a really good plan to start collecting thoughts for your next session.

You don't sound weird. I can understand that you don't want to be labelled as an abused wife with all the various implications and mostly false beliefs people have about women who've been in that situation. Are you saying that some friends aren't surprised about this news? It may well be that they picked up a vibe from him that didn't feel right and so this news makes sense of that. And yes you may have exhibited some behaviour that now makes sense today, but that's OK. You're also a different person now and I really hope you can be kind to yourself as you come to terms with this.

bloody hell - i can't believe it - DP has just written off the car, it wasn't his fault so an insurance claim but we are only 3rd party, mot due at end of month and it wont pass, no car, no job - what the fucking hell are we going to do???? We were just starting to feel positive again and now this - i started a thread about it but i shouldnt have because now i am going to get flammed for being third party only - i feel sick

Can you get courtesy car or hire a car and put cost in claim? I realise that would need good cash flow situation though.

FWIW when I drove old bangers low cost cars in the past I only did 3rd pty F & T, had to take the risk as coudn't afford more, and anyway cars were worth peanuts.

Oh Lucy that's rubbish. I don't know much about insurance but am guessing you're not going to get any money. I know its hard to do, but is there anyone in either of your families that you can ask for an emergency loan from to get something that moves? Maybe a trip to CAB to ask if there are any other local options that would enable your DP to keep working? Will see if I can think of anything else.... Meanwhile {{hugs}} and and hang in there. There is a way through this, keep posting if it helps x

P.S you are sooooo not the only person with third party ins in the current climate so ignore your other thread if its not helpful x

oh Lucy. could you hire a car, mine is a lease car and I got a courtesy car while waiting for delivery. most of the large garages do it.

I dont know, maybe the other insurance company will do something - it was the other drivers fault and he is fully comp, with saga - he told dp this and admitted to it being his fault. But of course........people change their minds dont they if they are to lose their no claims, i just want DP to try and fix it himself from the scrap yard but he doesn't think its doable and to be fair, this is the man who is going to undertake a welding job on his van to get that back on the road so if he says it can't be done........ :(

It sounds like you should get money for car eventually plus possibly other out of pocket expenses - if it is written off you may have to negotiate with assessor re value though, so wouldn't do anything to it? (disclaimer: am no expert)

If he is with Saga then he is prob OK, also he may even have his no-claims insured! If he has admitted it, that's a good start, were there any witnesses?

You will have to inform your own insurers anyway - perhaps they can advise, and may negotiate for you?

Am hoping so silvery - i was doing quite well (sort of) and now i just feel sick - WHEN are we going to get some good luck???

Oh it is hard when you stuff like this keeps cropping up. Hang in there, you will find a way through this, but I do sympathise it is tough when you're feeling as you do x.

Have to get off sofa and find hoover now.... back later

Afternoon everyone, hope you're all doing and fine and good luck for today vicar

I saw the most unhelpful, unsympathetic doctor yesterday. He basically shoved a prescription at me, 'ummm'ed a bit and then told me to make an appointment for 3 weeks, but, it wouldn't be with him as he's retiring this week (that bit was said rather gleefully) i felt like i was annoying him. I'd almost had a panic attack in the waiting room, was awful.

I haven't had chance to read everything in detail.

I just want to pop in and offer hugs to lucy though. It is hard when you are feeling down. I broke my finger a few days after going off sick with stress. It was a minor injury. I just couldn't deal with it. It is like the whole world is against you. Chin up though/. You will find a way through. I also hope your DH is OK

Thinking of vicar too and sending positive vibes.

hi all

firstly lucy im so so sorry - i hope very much you get something sorted out. Lots of folk get cheaper 3rd party insurance - its a gamble but in this financial climate you are certainly not alone.

helles - there is a process with abuse - it took me 30 years to stop making excuses for my parents abuse of me, and then i thought i had dealt with it, until my mother sent me that msg on fb last year and i lost it. totally. that, took months of counselling for me to be ok with my decisions and my choices. i was abused, neglected and beaten, for 8 long years, daily at the hands of my step father. Recently ive had 2 dreams about him and in one of them i got him in the eyes with CS gas ( i shit you not - even in dreams revenge is quite sweet)

you have just seen for how they were. it takes some getting to that point so congratulate yourself.

clearly, i am home. i did not go into panic mode and calmly walked through the door.
everyone said hello. the pisstaking was just as always and i had a very easy 4 hours. chatted to sgt. and had a lovely chat with my new mentor who understood exactly where i had been, because they have been there too. it was a huge relief. And sorted out my gazillions of emails. and that was that.
same tomorrow, but will try to get out and about a bit tomorrow.
i need to find my notebook - i think i brought it home to make some calls last year and well - its somewhere.....just got to find it.

be back later.

oh - and i did extremely well in fielding the questions - some politely just asked if i was ok.
one asked what had been the matter.
i did not do what i normally do and get flustered or feel pressed into answering.
im keeping much more to myself. ive made a conscious decision.

oh but on a rather crappy note - ds called again in a panic.
he was told he could get an extension for his final dissertation - he applied in feb and was too early.
now he is too late and the disability team wont help him.
ive emailed them.

but i cannot focus on work and him. ive got to do one or the other - so for now, its fine - i will sort him when i am not at work.

its a long story and im not sure who im ore cross with. he says this means he will fail his degree.
the disability team know he was struggling but didnt monitor him.
he has been telling me all was fine
and as usual - 11th hour panic stations.
sick and tired of it. he had a named advisor who he has never seen - its always someone different at a drop in centre.

pissed off.

Vicar I am so pleased that you had a good day at work - and that you enjoyed the piss taking - im sure you will be able to give as good as you get pretty soon You are awesome and I wish i could be more like you - i will try!

Your son is a grown up though, he needs to sort out his degree stuff himself i'm afraid. I know that sounds harsh and i am not sure what disabilities he has so apologies if i sound a bit hard. Has he spoken to his personal tutor? That should be his first port of call and then maybe suggest he talks to the student union, there will be a procedure he can follow if he feels he has not been treated fairly. A friend of mine works at our local uni and this is her job, sorting out grievances so he can certainly get things sorted. He wont fail his degree - he just needs to go through the right channels and come up with a workable plan, show he is commited to following it and I'm sure it will be OK.

You are right though, your priority is work just now and you are doing brilliantly. You'll be grand!

Ah, as for the car - well, no one was hurt and we have the semblence of a plan. One which may involve not making a claim on the insurance and DP doing the work on the car himself. This may or may not be amenable to the other driver i guess, depending on his excess or if he needs to protect his no claims.

DP is fine, he was only travelling at 15mph so no harm done - i was a bit though as peoples first question was, is he ok, i said, i dont know, i didn't ask poor DP!

DP home - the car doesn't look to bad, i don't think we are going to persue an insurance claim - we are going to ask the guy to pay for the repairs but if he doesn't we would rather just pay ourselves. The insurance company might write it off because they will use new parts, want to charge for a respray etc and the car isn't worth that much, although its a merc (old) so parts would be expensive (only drawback - its such a lovely car we have had it 7 years and its 15 yo. Phew - althogh im a bit miffed with DP now because i have spent the day thinking we would be without a car.

Just wanted to check in and wish you all well again. I feel a bit of a fraud on this thread cos my anxiety issues are intermittent and I am ok at the moment.

But I feel solidarity and friendship with others who have experienced it, and this thread is the proper kindest I have ever seen, so if it is ok I will continue to pop back.

That's good about the car LEM, I hope it works out. Nobody's a fraud on this thread, CM. Work sounds positive vicar. I hope things work out for your son, having seen other students with AS sometimes this sort of thing works out to be a learning experience (transferable skills, even if it just means partaking of support services regularly).

Catmint - its great that you are feeling good, we are all here if you need us xx

Snowy, the guy didn't want to pay but he also happy for us not to claim but he will be claiming for the damage to his car, just not against DP so i think it will all be OK. DP will have a proper look at the car and make sure theres no internal damage but I can see that there wont have been, no damage to the bumper or anything so no crumple zone damage. Phew

about the other driver (I don't know much about motoring).

Thinking of everyone else.

Evening all

Oh Mal so sorry you had a rotten GP visit . What an arse . I hope you are ok ? Honestly if you have the strength get another appt as soon as possible . Ask the receptionist which Gp is best for mental health issues .
Is this a new med he has prescribed ? Can we help ?

Helles a hug and a quote from a poem " my head is bloodied but unbowed " .....it can be any abuse physical and emotional . You are one strong lady working through . Huge respect .

Lucy you have had an awful day . Have spoken to OH an he thinks that you could claim on the guys insurance for repair if he admits fault .
Sometimes it is just too much hassle and upset though I agree .
Love your wise words xx

ED How are you ? Birthday tomorrow for your daughter . Love the crochet .

Catmint Oh how I know that b anxiety . But so pleased that you feel peaceful at the moment . Hopefully it wont come back ever .
Pop back please and chat and give any wisdom /or if wobbly let it out .

Vicar Oh my so glad that you have done with flying colours the first day back you dear lady . And that your rep is with you all the way .
I can only imagine how tired you are tonight . But well done so well done .
Nothing now could be so hard . You did it .x
RE your son : I dont have knowledge of your dear sons disability and would not presume . Just my heartfelt feeling is for you to look out for yourself for now Vicar . You are the hub of the family and apart from that a person who must look to her own needs for once . The support seems scrappy at best . YOU do your best .
No one can do more than that . Hug Pearl for me gently and twiddle her ears

waves to all x

Snowy how do you feel about not going to day centre ? x