let me see if i can recall who is doing what - apologies in advance if i miss anything or anyone because, well, i just have a crap memory....
righty....
basset thank you - and i do love the care you take to talk to everyone personally - im a bit rubbish at it but only cos of aforementioned memory....i did weirdly fine today - no anxiety as i walked in. i felt ready for what ever greeted me. it was a huge anticlimax in fact - but in a nice way. i walked into the parade room, and a few people were in there, the joker on the grouup asked if i was the new girl, 
some one else shouted my name, i said hello to everyone, went for my chat with sgt and then met my lovely new mentor who was very easy to talk to and very lovely actually - a wise older fella. i showed everyone my new baby girl (the rat!) to mixed responses! and got all my paperwork and tray in order.
so tomorrow i will actually don my vest and go out. I also talked to my gp today. i feel ok. its a bit odd really. i have also resolved to do nothing but small talk at work. and work will be left at work. i am not going to stress. i am not.
mal - i forgot to say it - but you need to see another GP. DO NOT get fobbed off or feel pushed aside, go back. see a different person. see different gps until you feel listened to and supported. It took me a while to find someone i could talk to and who actually took an interest - she talked to me, and left it one week before prescribing - she wanted blood tests and to talk to me again to see if anything had changed within that week....she has been an absolute star. Everyone with any health issue deserves to heard.
lucy - im glad things arent as bad as they seemed but please do get the car checked out at a garage - they can often look sound, feel fine, drive fine, but please get it checked, just to be absolutely sure. 
ed....where are you matey?
cat - this is a support thread - for anyone, at any time. please dont feel you shouldnt be on it! whenever you need it, want it, or just want to pop in to say hello - we will be here. no one is ever ever a fraud on this thread and im glad you are feeling well - we all have that as our goal.
snowy sweetheart i am so pleased you are around and posting again - you are getting better. im so glad. baby steps and all that but we are all rooting for you. cheering you on from the sidelines! much love to you. You are an inspiration.
i am dealing with things - i will deal with DS, just not when im at work. i need to just separate things - so problems will be sorted - just not at breakneck speed as i used to do everything at once.
my counselling is going to be useful. The counsellor knows where my self esteem issues stem from, she has helped me understand, and accept that, and now i have to try and overcome them. i dont know why i never feel good enough, because everyone keeps telling me i am i just cant believe them. its sad really. im going to try so hard not to worry all the time, and i cant help what people think of me. if they think bad of me, so what. no im not some hard nut. ive realised im not going to be either. i just need to accept that that is good enough and ok too. its hard though to change feelings....
Pearl is a darling. i am very attached already. we have had a little bonding session tonight, and im sat here with the cage door open, she keeps popping her head out for a stroke. she is still a nervous little girl but she will be fine - she is making wonderful progress - 2 days now with no biting! yay! and ive found her some ratty pals....will need to wait to get them but i hope she will be ok and sociable. i think she is a sweetie who hasnt quite realised it yet....
right. best get to bed i suppose. im not too tired but the drive is a killer....