Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

Your username conjures such nice images snowymouse....thank you, I will write one.

Hi everyone. Well it turns out that yesterday afternoons chronic nausea and breathlessness was actually me going down with an evil sickness and diarrhoea bug! Spent a lot of last night in the bathroom, followed shortly by my little DS bless him. DH reckons we picked up something from his friend's son who had apparently been sick just before we arrived on Sat so on top of an uber-anxious day I also got a killer bug! Crazy how 4 hours of D&V feels easy compared to long term anx/dep tho And also how anx symptoms are comparable to a the effects of a serious bug.

Thanks a lot for your advice though. I have an appointment already fixed for next week so will review anxiety til then. Last time I went the GP said what was worse, dep or anx, and at that point, 2 days after coming back home from hol, it was dep. Now it's anxiety... When I initially started taking the prozac and was v anxious my original GP asked was I having panic attacks, and I said no. But in hindsight because I am already good at calming breathing etc I think I was just keeping them just from erupting. I am a bit nervous of switching (tho I think it might be a good plan) as I believe Prozac has a long half life and I'm worried about the dep getting worse again coming off that and potentially killer side effects (as I did with Prozac) starting something else. I do seem fairly sensitive to these types of drusg - 50mh trazodone effects were quite amazing!

It was really interesting reading everyone's thought on the relationship between dep and anx. Like Helles and SPC i think my significant anxiety all of last year is a bit factor in this depression. Basset thanks so much for your lovely kinds words - you write so beautifully.

Mal def worth going with a list. I do every time i have a review now, and seriously if I don't write it on the list (conjunctivitis on one occasion) it doesn't get mentioned! Hope it's helpful.

Vicar so lovely hear about your cuddles with Pearl
Egg as everyone says, your "friend" sounds like a piece of work. Good plan to block her on FB though - one less thing to have to deal with.

Sorry this has turned into an epic one.
Thinking of everyone today - it was lovely to have your support last night - thanks x

-big- factor

yes I got to the loo. And then back to bed.

Definitely write things down mal. I keep saying that I am going to do this....I don't then I come out wishing I had mentioned xyz.

I am actually seeing a therapist as well as my GP. For my therapist I am keeping a positivity diary. Its not about thoughts and feelings but actions. Did I get dressed? Did I vacuum? stuff like that. I find that helps because as we are talking I can say...ooo....I did that once and flick back tomy diary. Or this day I really struggled with xyz and that meant I did/didn't do ABC.

colouring I find it difficult to distinguish between depression and anxiety. I first went to GP because I couldn't function as I wanted to. I couldn't get out of bed. I wasn't doing housework. My motivation was low. I was sleeping lots. I wasn't eating. I was nauseous all of the time (pretty much like the first trimester of pregnancy). I couldn't string together a coherent sentence. My short term memory was non existent.

I went with what I would have described as stress rather than depression or anxiety, although looking at descriptors of depression and anxiety I had physical symptoms of both (depression = sleep habits, motivation, eating; anxiety = tremor, jumpiness, agitation).

I would say that the anxiety got worse when I was first on meds. They do say prozac (which is what I am on) can worsen anxiety initially. However, I think in reality deepening depression and stress caused more anxiety which caused more stress and depression....and so the vicious cycle goes on.

I had my prozac dose doubled from 20mg/day to 40mg/day. I was expeting GP to take me off it and say that my worsening symptoms were actually side effects so I was surprised when my symptoms started to be alleviated with the increased dose.

Since then I have been left with symptoms of anxiety. Particularly the tremour and I have a twitchy leg (just my right one...bounces up and down without me noticing). As my mental health improved futher these both just about went away to the point that I would only notice them the day following missing my meds.

Now I know they are linked to my illness rather than side effects...now I am in a trough I am shakey and jumpy and have all the symptoms coming back again.

And with that I must get out of bed. I have been relayed instructions via a friend for what I need to prep for Brownies (I don't actually have to prep anything just take a load of leftover stuff from pack holiday but I need to find it).

Thanks Egg for sharing that. It is very interesting from an external perspective and its difficult it is to separate illness from side effects. My anxiety is definately worse now than in Jan when I first presented, and am now on 40mg prozac too. I guess I'll just have to see what the GP makes of it. I know she has the anxiety question in her head hence the the Trazodone. Constant stomach in knots, frequent breathlessness, jumpiness (I am a rubbish front seat passenger in the car...) agitation to varying degrees. Actually I now find it hard to actually identify symptoms as some seem to be have been part of me for a long time, but as in your experience its entirely poss its part of the illness. Ho hum.

Good luck getting up and getting ready for Brownies x

Right....dilema....I shall be seeing 'friend' later.

Do I go for a level 3 + bonuses and wear my smile
Do I go for a high level 2
or do I go for unwashed hair scraped back into a pony tail, which I guess is how I really feel

(neither of us have made contact since the answerphone message and I do need to get money back so thinking level 3 + bonuses might be rubbing nose in it and whilst it gives a clear message I do need to secure my money etc.)

Egg personally I would go with how you really feel. That's genuine and as you say poss less likely to wind her up. Tho please do try and remember that you are a good person, it was an unfortunate situation. And like you say focus on ways of getting your money back. Do you have any ideas about how to approach that?

I think I will go with Vicars suggestion of writing a letter initially. I guess it kind of depends on how tonights meeting goes.

There have been a few texts sent to a mutual 'friend'. She is fairly unpleasant. I also need to decide whether to continue with Brownies.

I have decided that I don't want to be in her inner circle of friends. For our DDs benefits and doing Brownies it would probably be best to stay in an outer circle of friends. That would also aide the money thing. Thats perhaps a naive view though and probably not possible.

Right I am finally dragging myself out of bed.

Maybe...

You can do it, Egg

CiQ you can take notes of what the dr says as well - somehow it all goes out of your head as you leave the consulting room.

Egg well at least I'm glad you didn't piss the bed! Seriously tho you can face Her tonight with the sweetest of smiles

Any luck Egg? Letter sounds like a good plan and outer circle too if its an option.

I am now out of bed on sofa... Me and DS enjoying some lovely plain toast

Thanks Silvery I think I am going to start writing some stuff down today re: the whole saga. But you're so right about forgetting everything when you leave...

I'm up.

Dressed level 2 and a bit

Car is loaded, which has made my lounge look loads tidier.

I'm shaking like a leaf though.

Other thing is that I know I have a responsibility to appologise for the contents of the answerphone.

I won't get an appology for her behaviour since tho. I want to raise that as an issue but then I don't want to highlight that a) ive been fb stalking and b) its upsetting me iyswim.

Well done Egg and lounge sounds great - that will be good to come back to!
I can understand you want an apology for her behaviour but I wonder if you could just pick the money battle this time and rise above her ridiculous FB behaviour? Completely understand how nerve-wracking this is though. Can you focus on how you'll feel better once you've done it and are home tonight? Take care x

Right. I'm off. Back soon.

Hi all

Mal yup write your list and hand it over to the doc if feeling wobbly and tearful . I cry every time ........it is just the hope that someone will help isnt it ? after struggling so long . Recovery is beginning with this step .
All of us here are with you in spirit and on your shoulder .

ED you are showing far more dignity and restraint than your so called friend . The truth hurts her eh? Well maybe you have actually done her a favour . Maybe rethink her bullying tactics .
Letter a good idea . I have used this in the past and it can work .
Dont let this woman get to you anyway and make you brood . Posting stuff on face book has nailed her as the non friend she is .

CIQ so hope you and family are feeling better after your toast . Any ill health issue makes my anxiety go through the roof . My bad panic attack last week precluded the chest infection that followed . Signals that I should have recognized as physical illness not psychological ones
Are you up to painting still ?

Vicar you have got me yearning for a rat . Drooling over Pearl
Stay strong lovely ......when are you back at work?

I used to mentally put myself in a bubble of kindness in my mind that no one could penetrate . If it is meant to be good . If it is too much then leave . Your mental well being is to precious to lose for you and your family . Policing has to be one of the hardest jobs ever in todays world .

Hi to Snowy hope you are feeling ok and thinking of you .

Been to Morrisons and got some half price chicken so OH is making tandoori for tea . .

yum to tandoori (tho perhaps in a couple of days!)

Feeling bit better thanks, just v sore tummy. I like the bubble idea too but struggling with the concentration to achieve something like that. How's your day been?

I'm back. Will post more later.

But now I'm cross at bassett...cos I fancy an indian and its your fault

so I had session 2 today. finished the assessment and went on to discuss my marriage. I told her things I have never told anyone. how could I have been in an abusive marriage for three years and not noticed? and yet, when she said it, it was obvious I was.

tough going into work afterwards. very tough.

If you can, some 'me' time can help straight after counselling, lots of people do find it tough. Well done for getting through the aftereffects.

absolutely wiped out now. ds nowhere near ready to settle and daren't go to bed before him as he'll be up half the night

the cbt was fine when I had it - I like to take action (when someone's checking I'm doing it!). but this business of talking about myself is really hard. she keeps reminding me to breath, to stop hurting myself (digging my nails into my skin when I'm uncomfortable), that hiding behind my hair is unnecessary. apparently, though I didn't realise it, I have been through traumas.

ten weeks.

Helles counselling is hard, and I echo snowys advice about time for you afterwards, if that's at all possible. And yes its exhausting, the first two times I went I went home and slept for 2 hours. Does sound like it is needed though. I am starting to see the benefits now though.

I'm having real trouble with my stomach tonight - sooo sore. I had gastritis end of last yr (anxiety/stress related) take omeprazole for it and the stomach bug I've had has made it soooo much worse. I would normally drink lots of milk but don't think thats a good idea after bug. Hoping I'll be able to take the fluox 2moro(when I started on that stomach was terrible ). Fingers crossed x