Andes up - who needs a rock to lean on? Rock on over here!

[ThatVikRinA22]

in honour of ed and her mountain ranges.....

welcome to thread 3 - this is a support thread for anyone needing a hand to hold while they get through depression or any other mental health problems - long term or temporary. All are welcome.

linky to old thread

Evening all.

Went to town and got lots of summer clothes from primark.

Booked dd3s party.

Haven't been taking my meds properly for last couple of days (pain and ads) so I hurt. I shake. I sad....oh well

I'm in bed. And sleepy. And cold. But I'm dressed to level 3.

Waves to everyone.

evening egg

sounds like even though it was a slow start you got a lot done despite not feeling great.

im back to square one with work.
i cant transfer.
so back to same old same old with same old people, same old problems and same old everything as before....im fearful that i will end up back in the same position.

still looking for another job. nothing about though.

case conference may be next week. i am dreading it now. truly. had a lovely chat to the work rep who was lovely and very much related to what i said, but even so, my tummy is turning just thinking about walking back in with those people. She is in a minority group and told me what she went through. ive no idea how she stuck it out.
oh god.
oh god oh god oh god.
i know walking back in will be the hardest thing, but ive no idea how i will be received.

Well done Egg. I am also E mids.

Vicar, I can't quite make out your situation but it sounds difficult. Have you explained on this thread? Let me know I will read back.

My day was ok.

hi againcatmint - its a long story. i went off work 5 months ago now with stress.

its all detailed on the the opening post of my first thread
which is here

UA - its a horrible situation to be in. And i now know i cannot be redeployed. There is nothing else for me to go to.
so - its back to the job i left, the group i left, the sgt i left. and most likely the same problems i left.

fed rep talked to me and actually gave me some comfort today - but i feel such a loose end. im different to most of my colleagues and that makes me feel very alone.
Fed rep was refreshingly similar to me, and told me some of the things that had happened to her (she is an ethnic minority) which made my toes curl....no idea how she stuck it out. but she did. People were openly racist.
she said the job needs people like me.

i wish i felt the same. I wanted a fresh start, in a place closer to home.
im not going to get it though. they offered me an attachment to another district - still as far from home. the travel is a pain in the arse. an attachment as far from home is no use to me what so ever.

so - i will drop a shift. the travel i do equates to another entire shift per week, so i figure if i drop a day i recoup that time back....

still no word from supervision though. i feel gone and forgotten. its weird. my sgt was phoning me every month and then - nothing. silence. feels like ive gone which makes going back all the harder. i have not been missed.

i dont really want to go back. Fed rep says everything happens for a reason.
wish i believed that.

Still struggling.

Need to organise meeting with tutor.
Need to buy dd3 some school dresses. Asda have clothes sale on
Need some food for tea
Need some paracetamol
Need some petrol
In bed
Level 0.5 (as in I have half my pjs on)
Can't face food so can't take prescription painkillers
Have no paracetamol
House is a discusting mess. I'm surprised my mice haven't migrated in.

Sorry just brain dumping .

Food, petrol and paracetamol. The rest can wait (what an ambiguous phrase )

Have just attained level 1.5 after a productive morning up but Level 1.

I have my jeans on, yesterday's knickers and my nighty and dressing gown. Bare feet :).

I didn't even manage to take my child to school today, feeling like a total failure. I tried to get an earlier/cancellation appointment with the Doctor, but, nothing. I think knowing i am going to the Doctor is making me more anxious.

I am dressed, albeit badly :)

evening everyone.

mal - you are doing the right thing seeing your GP. Forget today - i have actually done the same before now re kids and school.

egg how you doing now? did you manage to just do the bits that SPC suggested?

i am feeling very low right now again - pissed right off with work. They have come up with a "solution" - but i get the distinct feeling its more for their benefit than mine.
so now i have to say thanks but no thanks.
and make me look like an ungrateful loon. Their solution is not a solution and i know the goal posts will move....been there before.

i really bloody wish i had got that job. this is all just feeling unbearable. too hard.

Vicar, i just read your backstory, that's a heck of a lot you've had thrown at you. Sounds like you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place with your job situation, I'm sorry you are feeling so low.

I got to 1.5 today, as CT came round. Vicar, I hope things are better than they seem. Mal, how was the GP appointment? egg, how's your list going?

UA and NN and everyone, how's it going?

snowy - I didn't manage to get one. I have to phone back at 9.30am to see if there are any cancellations for tomorrow. I could phone at 8am for an emergency appointment, but, i'm unsure if it warrants it?

What are these levels?

Good evening everyone :)

I'm doing ok. I do when I get out of bed.

I've been to asda, got food and school dresses
I've done quite a lot of tidying in my kitchen. Lot more to do.
I've done a bit of tidying in the lounge (friend might pop her head round door). Still got a lot more to do.
I'm about to stick a load in the machine and sweep kitchen floor.

About to take my daily med cocktail.

mal the levels kind of loosely relate to how well we've managed to dress ourselves. Just a bit of fun but tends to reflect mood and motivation.

Level 1 - still in pjs
Level 2 - would be something you would only wear around the house. For me often tracky and mismatched top
Level 3 - tends to relate to happy to be seen out and about clothes. For me would be jeans and presentable top.

We also tend to add bonuses for straightened hair. Make up. Heels

It is all kind of personal in exactly what each level is but just reflects mood and motivation.

im just back for a bit of a wobble.

i bit the bullet and called sgt. I am going back to work next week. not happily. but there we go.

the "solution" that was arrived at is in no way helpful to me and actually would cause me more grief. It was a move but to a busier place, and one further away and harder to get to, so quite how anyone thought that was going to sort me out ive no idea. There was a carrot being dangled on the end of a stick that a further move might have proved possible from there but i know how the parameters move in this organisation and dont trust that it would happen. All to many ifs and buts.

i am dreading walking back in.
at least i spoke with sgt and know i at least still have a job.
im pretty deflated tonight.

oh and just to add a cherry on top im being disciplined.

job hunting with renewed vigour....

Oh, vicar :( all I can do is wish you well for next week. I hope someone comes along with advice.

Hi everyone,
vicar that sounds rubbish. Feeling for you.
Egg so glad to hear you're doing better today. I know what you mean - it can be just soooo hard to get out of bed. If I hadn't had college this morning I would have stayed in, but I went and did a good pic this morning. Completely knackered now but keep looking at my pic...
Mal I know its hard not doing the school run. Before the Easter hols I had two weeks of not doing it at all, much to DC's distress. I have done 2 school runs this week and that will be it. It's not forever though... We wouldn't beat ourselves up if we had a broken leg (repeat x 100).

Waving and for everyone else. My DH has been low today and because he was severly depressed for most of last year I'm having to try not to panic .
Back to the Green&Blacks...
take care everyone x

I forgot to say, I was discharged, and have agreed to go to the day hospital.

It feels very odd to still be on a section 3 but in the community (so I need to do well for a few weeks).

Oh that's great to hear snowy sounds like a good strategy. Hope you get on OK at the day hospital.

snowy - it sounds like you are on the mend then. Im very pleased - just take it one day at a time.

im feeling very uneasy now.
i kept getting told there was nothing more to this meeting next week other than supporting me getting back to work.
but it seems there is more to it than that. So despite repeated assurances that this meeting was to be supportive i now feel let down to find out it may not be all that.

why the fuck did i not get that other job? i was so qualified to do it - i know which bloody question flummuxed me and im kicking myself for not getting those extra 2 points that i needed for it.

i feel like nothing is going my way.