Sorry

[GracieLoo]

sorry don't know what to do. It's got too much, I hate myself. Taken weeks worth of venlafaxine and some ibuprofen. Phoned cmht out of hours but they said I'm not on their caseload. I'm scared. Shall I just go to bed

How did your day go?

Not a great day. Ive realised there's no point in asking for support anymore. They just get fed up and cross with us, and leave us to suffer. I can't always use the coping skills etc and I'm not able to think rationally as I'm ill which is why I'm under their care in the first place. I don't want to see anyone anymore. Told them I started to od and stood looking at which pills to buy this am, but they were happy to discharge me without any chat or discharge meeting. It was all a complete waste of time.

What about the complex needs team?

I've got to refer myself, was given a leaflet today. U then get an assessment which can take a while, and they'll decide if they can help me. I don't get mental health services, it's too confusing, especially when feel scared and confused already.

I can't cope, feeling like a failure. My friends mum has had a stroke and I feel it's so unfair things happen to people who want to live, and I'm selfishly struggling to enjoy life and don't want to be here. Phoned complex needs and it's going to take weeks if not months to start. I don't want to be a burden and feel guilty everytime I tell someone how I feel, so the thoughts of giving up are increasing.

Argh I feel so horrible, I can't do this! Just feel it brimming under the surface and I feel I'm nearing a breakdown. I can't fight this every day and night. I don't know who to turn to. Never been given out of hours numbers and not under crisis team as left hospital. Why don't they understand, I've tried to tell them but I'm left alone.

Do you have a care coordinator?

Yes, I've tried to get hold of her yesterday and today, and got a feeling she's going to cancel an appt we've got on Friday.

Could you print out the bits that you would like them to know and give them to the care coord?

I've not kept anything from her, she knows I'm struggling but there doesn't seem to be much more she can do.

Just spoken to sw, she's spoken to a psych who said she didn't think complex needs is ideal, and wants to refer to psychology. So now i'm upset I spent two weeks at day hospital, and they thought I should definitely be referred to complex needs, for it all to have been a waste of time. I can't do this!

It takes time for then to reach an actual diagnosis rather than a working one. Can take years. Psychology should be able to advise on treatment.

How are you GracieLoo? We havent heard from you for a few days now.