Sorry

[GracieLoo]

sorry don't know what to do. It's got too much, I hate myself. Taken weeks worth of venlafaxine and some ibuprofen. Phoned cmht out of hours but they said I'm not on their caseload. I'm scared. Shall I just go to bed

You don't need to be ashamed about asking for help.
Go to the GP unless you are in danger in which case ring 999.

I'm waiting to see sw now. I can't say anything, not as bad as the other time so fine, just want all this to end and to go away. I'm such a selfish horrible mum.

Saw sw and HV together, felt a bit ganged up on and that I need to be responsible for my actions. I felt I rambled, but tried to explain how I don't feel like a mum and the thoughts I have of taking pills, looking on Internet, making arrangements for LO etc. But it just ended with being told to use distraction techniques and write down good things about myself.

Sw seemed at a loss as I've had therapy and different meds, and I feel it's all my fault I'm not getting better. She said if people don't follow advice or take meds they can discharge them. I do try, but I don't always think straight.

How am supposed to look after LO all weekend feeling like this?

Do you have anybody in RL to help you with the practical help of looking after your LO.

On a positive note,you were afraid they were going to take your LO away,but they did not.
Could you start a "book of good things",call it that,and write down that they did not take your LO away.And anytime,something nice happens,write it down in your personal "nice" book.

My mum helps but she's not well at the moment, and that's it. Plus with work and all my appts I ask my friends to have her so can't really ask too much. I will write down stuff. Because my heads so muddled it's hard to write it down. I really don't feel great at the moment.

Feeling strange this eve, like I'm not really here, in a dream like state. So tired I need to sleep, but then the next day comes too soon. Just feeling really not myself.

Is your LO in bed?

Yeah she is. Got a splitting headache so maybe it's that, but feeling so detached. Just lying in bed as unable to do anything, but feeling scared to sleep.

Just lying in bad is good.Are you able to read something

On venlafaxine. Gradually increasing it, and not taking anything else. Can't concentrate on anything. Has therapy but wasn't stable enough for it apparently!? Every day/ weeks the same, just can't get myself out of this dark place.

Gracie, you should not stop taking it by any means but venlafaxine did BAD things to my head. How long have you been on it? And what dose ?

On 150 venlafaxine starting this week but lost the tablets! Can't find them anywhere. Feel like I can't do anything right. Got a few jobs done today, but still feeling spaced out. Now getting anxious feeling about work tomorrow, really don't want to go. And stressing about meds, thinking I just take the 37.5 ones I've got until I can get my weekly prescription Friday. It might mess me up though and sw won't be happy with me.

Stick with the dose you have got until you can.get.a new script for the higher.dose.

Messed up the meds, feel like giving up.

What have you done with the meds to mess them up? Not taken enough or taken too much? Did you find your tablets?

Don't wait until Friday but call your GP and get a repeat prescription before then. All these things take a little time to get working and your SW and HV are not going to be unhappy with you, they will understand that it's hard for you.

Call your GP now if you need help now, or 999.

I have been taking the lower dose and not told anyone, will get the new script tomorrow. Keep finding myself planning to od when LO is safe at ex's. Feel I didn't do it properly last time. Had a nice day with her today, but feel like I've been on a bit of a high, and think I want to give her good memories. Sorry if I sound so horrible. Instead of feeling detached, feeling I love her so much right now, don't want to damage her by being an unstable mum. Think my thoughts are all over the place at the moment.

Is it an appointment tomorrow or just picking up meds? You really should be talking to someone just now.

Just picking up meds. Tried calling sw twice in last week, have appt tomorrow but I can't go due to childcare but she hasn't called back yet. Feel like i'm being left to it and they're fed up with me. I know they must see people then forget about them til next appt.

It's not ideal but can you take DD with you? It won't be quite the appointment you need with having her there to occupy and not wanting to discuss things in front of her - but at least it's something by way of support. Shame to waste the appointment, they could just advise or fast track another appointment for you.. Or just talk about the meds for a bit with you. Please think about it.

You are probably feeling strange because of the adjustments to your meds, they really do take time to get into your system and can sometimes make you feel worse before you feel better, it will pass (although it feels like you will feel like shit forever). Please, please make sure you take your proper dosage. Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling and whatever you feel like doing right now, please, please don't do it x I am thinking of you x

Please tell your family how you feel. If you can remember a time when you felt happy, please picture how you would have felt if someone you loved suffered in silence. Your DD is young enough to spend time with family while you help yourself without realising anything is wrong. Depression is a living nightmare Gracie but you can wake up (un-mumsnet hug x)

Feeling so low, hiding from LO while I have a cry. I don't know how to help myself, get asked what's happened to cause low mood, and to distract myself. If I could I would, but I can't and that's the problem! Dreading today, working tomorrow and being alone all weekend.

Urges to od are all I can think about. But don't want others to think badly of me. So confused. All I can think about is the feeling of getting drunk and swallowing the tablets.