I have been sectioned.

[lazyhazydaisy]

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

I wouldn't be floundering round in the wreckage of what used to be my life if it weren't for 'mental health support'. Even my partner is absolutely horrified by what he saw. I wouldn't wish 'mental health support' on ANYONE. But especially not on a vulnerable person with genuine mental health problems.

And I see no recovery from this 'mental health support'.

That is the problem to which I see no answer.

mental health support

What do you think has caused this hell?

garlic I so appreciate your help because you have had experience but I have (had) a lovely house. Before the police destroyed both is and me. I cannot bear these people and I would hate to have them in my (leaking and rat-ridden) property. I only have the drips here because my lawyer said it would be best to humour them. I will ask the drips about practical problems. My diagnosis, as I said upthread, is 'traces of schizophrenia'. This is based on hallucinations which are in my medical notes but which I have never had.

I am traumatised by the police brutality and the incarceration. THAT is what I need to come to terms with and I have no idea how to get over a) the trauma of what I have endured and b) any sort of future whatsover.

Do your best to look at where you are now. This minute. Today and tomorrow.

You're living in an unfit habitation with, afaict, no income, little prospect of any, no friendly people around you and no joy. You are not taking care of your own basic needs. Your only focus is your anger about what's been done to you.

Now think back to when you were 'normal'. You'd have taken a good look at the woman writing this thread and felt she was mentally unwell and in need of support, I imagine. I'm sure you would have hoped she'd find it in her to reach out and get some assistance.

Had you recently come back with PTSD from active service at war or survived a violent attack, you'd be considered in need of mental health support as well as practical ... and would find it just as hard to get. And would feel just as furious.

Of course you're angry about what's been happening! I'm not even hinting you should "forget about it" or "move on", I encourage you to highlight these abuses and do everything you can to get things changed. I'm also encouraging you to acknowledge your present situation for what it is and take yourself seriously.

I have a mental illness. I'm doing my best to take care of me and recover.

Look, I'm not doing 'internet diagnosis' on this board, but you are writing like someone with PTSD.

It is not surprising that people who have had 'mental health support' die 15 years earlier than those who don't. We challenged the drip on this and he said that taking those mind-altering drugs have a better quality of life in their shorter life. Excuse me? I cannot believe that people are paid to spout this crap. One person I met there, aged 25 has already committed suicide. I fear for the other 5 with whom I am still in touch. We all want to move away from our homes rather than contemplate the memories of the police.

I will ask the drips about practical problems -Yes, do!!! :)

Hope I haven't upset you too much. x

Blimey, he said that? He's just given my excuse for smoking! In a professional health capacity! Fuckwit.

Yes, but that is a direct result of the hell I have been through. How, how the hell do I explain this to dc. I am on the (excuse the swearing, I am not swearing at you) fucking floor. I have to sell the house. I have to focus on that and think of building a life away from this area. I had this appalling and very senior nurse constantly telling me that I was bi-polar and how it was important that I admitted this (our old friend, insight) because it is hereditary and my dc need to be aware of this. I knew this was 24 carat bollox and was more determined than ever to get out with an apology, rather than saddle my own dc with that. Which is why, in my discharge meeting I asked directly whether that turnip thought I was bi-polar. He told me, very, very categorically that I was not. So why was I put under so much pressure to 'admit' that I was? Our old friend insight? What if I had admitted it? And this was from a nurse who kept hugging me. If is was a man who did that it would have been sexual harassement.

The same thing happenned with a male nurse. He kept coming into my cell and asking me leading questions about how the radio was talking to me. Again, I was put under pressure to admit that the radio did talk to me. I had read all the books from the hospital library and I had to be very, very patient and explain that this had not happened. It was almost as if the nurse who got me to admit to one of these would win a box of After Eights.

The thing that got me was the way they all said that the drugs were working and how 'better' I was. I hadn't taken any drugs since 9 February! Tick box, tick box, tick box. No matter the suffering called to my dc I had to protect them from this nonsense. That is why I refused to have a tribunal. And refused to sign a 'care plan' (nice one for Mr Orwell). And the only thing I ever ticked was 'lack of insight'. Until I saw the turnip who sectioned me in twinset and pearls, shook his hand firmly and watched him squirm and stammer how different I was. which he put down to the drug dose working. Drugs I had not taken for 2 (fucking) months.

(I am going to go shortly and I would like to thank you all very, VERY much for your help, even if I have appeared ungracious. I have no human contact and I am very grateful to have some human contact, especially with people who have put a considerable amount of thought into listening to me. Which is more that I got in that hellhole. I hope you all appreciate my gratitude for your input and I will definitely think about it. Even if I appear ungrateful, I am grateful. I am a bit volatile and I think it is better that I let off a bit of steam here than I do with Mr Drippy tomorrow, who might want to whisk me back to Alcatrass if I (God Forbid) get angry (an appropriate human emotion, not a fucking pathology.

(must not swear at the drip)

Can't let that go. I do not have a fucking mental illness.

I have suffered police brutality and incarceration. I am now bearing the brunt of surviving that intact.

Yes. I also understand the painful irony of developing a mental illness (your shock & trauma) as a result of mental health 'treatment'. It's highly reminiscent of Kafka, Orwell, Solzhenitsyn et al.

Are your lawyers looking to a case for damages? It sounds like you'd have one. If so, it will be helpful to get a diagnosis of THE ILLNESS YOU'VE DEVELOPED as a result of your 'treatment'.

Please recognise that illnesses get better, it's not a lifetime label or anything. I'm trying, in my cack-handed way, to encourage you to start thinking of where you're at now and how to seek appropriate help.

Probably not doing a terribly good job of it

Just seen that you're off. Take care! (That's an order!!) Catch you later :)

I have never, ever felt that I have a mental illness, nor did the more hones nurses, nor did the ward manager, nor did my lawyers and nor did either of my advocates at Rethink. The lawyers wrote an extraordinary letter to the psychiatrist to that effect. Bugger insight.

Take care of yourself daisy.

Keep posting, there will always be someone here to listen.

I wouldn't have the broken doors, the rats, the dog to retrain, the washing machine full of water, the leaking roof, the unmanageable garden or the need to put the house on the market if I had not gone through this sheer hell.

I appreciate the fact that no one has mentioned the dc. That is another circle of hell but I am too traumatised to contemplate that yet. That will be a lifetime's work. I wish someone could stop these 'mental health help'. I just can't believe that they are actually paid to do this to people. And I don't just mean me. The collateral damage is incalculable.

I respect the fact you do not want to talk about the dc.

Life is hard enough darling. When you are ready to talk, if you are ready to talk, we will listen.

Daisy, would it be possible to tell us where abouts in the country you are? There must be roofers, electricians, gardeners, rat-ridders, carpenters, lock-smiths among us, can you let us help you? We may not understand half of what you've experienced, but if we can help with the practical side of things, would that help you feel as though you could start to move forward in life? Either feeling safer in your home or having it made sellable?

Taking your posts at face value, it must be horrendous to be 'labeled' as mentally unwell when you're not, and I can see why, if that's the case, that suggestions of asking the mental health services for help would be unhelpful. However, if the situation was a little different and you'd been (for example) kidnapped and held against your will for 4 months by criminals, and were traumatised and fearful after this event, you'd probably be advised to go to your GP and request MHS help because of the PTSD. Is there any way that you could perhaps register at a different GP surgery, see somebody new, talk about what's happened, get some counselling to help you with what's happened to you and manage the flashbacks etc?

It is Daisy here. Oh, Moosy, I just wrote a loooooong post in reply to yours. And was told to log in. And it was all lost. I'll repost it later. It was mainly concerned with the rat infestation and how I am on top of it.

The drip stayed for an hour and 45 minutes. I ran him through a list of practical help that I could do with and he told me that they couldn't do anything practical to help. He agreed that the front door is ruined, etc. I presented him with what looked like a giant piece of shell pasta and asked him to guess what it was. I told him that when I got released I found a forest of the stuff in my bedroom, under the leaking roof. It looked to me as if someone had vomited pasta very evenly. Again, if you can understand, I didn't want to mention it to anyone for fear of appearing 'paranoid'. Why should anyone break into a boarded up house in order to vomit up pasta, then leave, and reboard up the house? I now know it is fungi growing on the carpet. But it does look just like cooked shell pasta.

After ascertaining that he was going to be of no practical help whatsoever I told him that I wanted to read my prison diaries so that he could understand my state of mind. We got up to day 4. He told me that I didn't have a mental illness. I do wish they would make their minds up. I told him that I have known that all along. He then said that he would be handing me over to someone else. Strewth.

It is very very therapeutic to write it down. It doesn't matter that much if no one reads it. I felt better last night after my writing on here. Thank you very much, esp to Garlic who probably knows what it is like. I did suggest that there should be someone on his 'team' who has experienced that hell.

He also agreed that the attempt to get DLA was fraudulent but that he had not filled it in and tried to persuade me to sign it WITHOUT READING IT. But his response was that he had not filled it in. The person who filled it in had 'moved on', as he is about to. There appear to be quite a few people on mn who actually deserve DLA. And don't get it. And I would have got it if I sign I form saying that I can't use a hob.

(I have kept the fraudulent DLA form, if anyone wants any top tips. Someone advised me to fill it in, wait until the first money reaches my account and then inform my MP. The DLA thing really annoys me. Firstly because it seems to a fraudulent was of keeping people like me quiet with an 'income' and secondly because people who are in dire, physical need, including the terminally ill, etc, actually need it and do not qualify.)

My house insurance is invalid if the house is unoccupied for 3 months. So I can't make any claims about the roof, bedroom carpet, rotting wood on 1st floor, etc. Apparently I am liable for the damage that the police did to the house.

Glad the rats are sorted (though I am sad for your door), maybe if the drip hands you over to someone else they may be less drippy and more useful? Also have you thought about speaking to the CBA about house fixing costs, they might be able to do an emergency thing to help you get water-tight and safe?

I am not sure what CBA is. There are so many of these little initial things. He wasn't that much of a drip, to be fair. He was genuinely sympathetic about the door and the rats and the roof. The rats are not sorted but the council rat man came round, unannounced, having been alerted by the neighbours (don't blame them at all). I showed him everything that I had done, the rats being a priority. He was perfectly satisfied that I had done everything that he would have advised me to do anyway. I haven't seen a rat for about 10 days but the poison level on the trap is still gradually going down.