I have been sectioned.

[lazyhazydaisy]

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

BT did NOT sort out my phone line. I had to walk two miles to a phone box and explain the situation and wait until it was connected. What is this fantasy world where you think I got any practical help? The police are not liable for their trail of destruction. The Samaritans would refer me to mental health services. I am not financially ok. I am going to have to sell the house eventually. How do you think I am going to get a job after this? Become a benefit fraud and claim DLA? The drips are there to sit there and look drippy. And trick me into fraud. It is not a DRIP. It is a downpour every time it rains. And if the house has been unoccupied the insurance is not valid.

you are keeping yourself alive daisy.

You didn't go through all the 4 months of hell to give in.

You are stronger than that, you've proved it already.

You need the right help, with that, you can make a start on putting yourself back together.

I understand you probably don't have much faith in the MH professionals at the moment but there must be some good practical help there for you.

We just have to find it for you.

The drips are, according to the fraudulent DLA form, to 'monitor my mental health'. The drips are, according to my lawyer, meant to offer counselling, help with housing, parenting, employment, stuff like that. The drips do not seem to know what they are doing. I am going to read the prison diaries to mr drip tomorrow because the drips have made it quite clear that no practical help is forthcoming. I have to stay calm for the drips. Although I might sit one in a strategic chair on the GROUND FLOOR and hope it rains.

I wouldn't like to describe anyone in the incarceration as professional. I do not know what you are talking about. There is no practical help. Not even an apology.

Which agency are they employed by?

If they are not giving you the help you need, can you not be assigned someone else?

I meant the MH professionals in general, as in being reluctant to seek help from any sector of the MH services.

I kept myself alive during the incarceration. As soon as I went in I said that as soon as I got out I would collapse for 2 weeks. I expected to be out in a week. I think you are all living in some sort of fantasy land. Samaritans? Health Care Professionals? The only ones who were honest were the ones who said that they weren't paid enough to speak out.

I wouldn't use the word professional. The drip asked why I was in hospital. If he was professional he would have read my notes.

I told the drip that if they had filled in my fraudulent DLA form and it said that I needed supervision (this was a tick box thing) 'always', then why aren't they here 'always'? He made a swift exit.

The catch 22 is that if I ask for any help, which is clearly beyond the drips, I might end up back in the hellhole. Which is what happens to most people who are unfortunate to ever set foot in that hellhole. I need a full time nurse and housekeeper and counsellor, to talk over not only the trauma of the police brutality, the incarceration but the bleakness of dealing with it. Not the bloody drip team.

I knew all this in December, but I had no choice and I certainly had no one to talk to and no one who listened to me in there. If I did talk to a nurse then it was about my fear of being pinned down like a dog.

Daisy, I've just read all 11 pages of your thread and am feeling for you.
For all the awful, nightmarish horrors you've described the one that upsets me the most - I don't know why - is your mention of the staff 'making' patients dance for them.

I know just what you mean about floundering amongst the wreckage of what used to be your life. I'm still bumping along the bottom; this is yeeeears after finding myself in a predicament like yours. "Care in the community" is an insult. More like "Chuck you back in the shit, good luck, loser!" I don't know what idiot failed to consider what happens to vulnerable patients in the "community", but I hope they didn't end well.

OK, rant over. I managed (too late, but better than never) to get help from two sources.
One was the CMHS, who gave me 26 sessions of very good psychotherapy and a social worker. I may only have got the care worker because I was homeless but it's worth trying. They support you with practical stuff. Mine was fantastic. She helped me sort out benefits and find a house.
Once my therapy ran out, I got visits from a Mind worker for six months. This was less to do with practical help than mental & emotional support but, again, she was great - I managed to start dealing with things, on by one.
I have also rung Samaritans a lot, and will do again when I feel that bad. It's only talking but, often, a good listener makes a big difference.

I'm amazed you're not already receiving CMH services. To access them, see your GP to get a referral.
To access Mind, contact your LOCAL branch from this page.
Also try any other relevant organisations that aren't already on your case :)

You must get outside and interact with 'normal' people each day, even for a few minutes. A short exchange about the weather with a checkout assistant will do!

And keep writing. It helps, doesn't it. Sending you my best. x

On the plus side, if they think you need supervision 'always', whichever staff they send are not likely to want to stay in a leaky house with half a kitchen and insecure doors. I'm pretty sure their job insurance wouldn't cover an unsafe house!

Maybe, if you go along with that plan, the supervisor can arrange for the practical help you need.

did you read the bit about me being ordered out of the hospital with 4 months worth of possessions in carrier bags? Left on the street to stagger to the bus station to go to the kennels? What is this dream world of practical help?

garlicbutt's advice is brilliant, too, ditto.

I have been out for 3 months, I have read them a list of rats, no washing machine, roof leaking through 2 floors, no hot water. Who is the supervisor? I have no idea what you are talking about.

What is CMS garlic?

I would rather eat my dog than get involved with 'mental health services'
Thanks for your input, btw.
I would like to undo the last 6 months of hell. Hell would freeze over rather than me get involved with 'mental health services'.

MIND are excellent daisy.

They will offer you a safe place to talk through all the hell you have lived through and offer help.
Just give them a try?

It's got to be better than how you feel right now?

The staff made the severely mentally ill patients dance for their amusement. I was not the only one to observe this. I was reprimanded for not joining in but I thought it was like charging people to go to Bedlam. Beyond unprofessional and the patients were too (not sure of the phrase) mentally disordered? learning difficulties? know what was going on. I heard them and other people heard them on other wards.

It is community mental health services

The point is, you are no longer an inpatient and you have a diagnosis (presumably). So, unless you're about to hang yourself or murder next-door's children, there's no excuse to section you. Thank god! You are, however, an extremely vulnerable person in need of mental health support.

After reading this I really understand how you're traumatised and, basically, terrified of mental health 'services'. It might seem impossible to explain this correctly to a GP - I'd suggest trying a different one from before! If so, then what about asking Mind to support you in this? I live in a rural backwater and my local Mind is very limited in what they can do. In the cities they have loads of great resources.

As they say - reach out. You can keep yourself safe. Ask for help; it's hard to trust there is any. There is, just keep asking.

The very last thing I want is 'mental health support'. I need to recover, somehow from fucking mental health 'support'. I have just survived 'mental health' whatever you call it. The very, very last thing I want is anything to do with anything to do with what I have been through in the last 6 months. I want to try and find a life beyond 'mental health support'. Reach out to who? The people who I have tolerated for 4 months? Who do I ask for help? so-called 'mental health professionals, who get people with learning difficulties to dance, people who order Chinese takeaways and dance the night away whilst their so-called charges lie in bed and pray to die in the night? the police who brutalise innocent people? What? I would chop of my right foot to go back to before this happened. Even if I had been released in a week I would be traumatised. I have no idea what you are talking about. I have experienced 6 months of this and it has destroyed me.

(sorry to swear)

Of the people I am in touch with, at least two are in grave danger of suicide. I am not. But two are, and that is a direct result of their incarceration. The very last thing that anyone needs is 'mental health support'. I am not sure that many people actually survive it.

If my head was hanging off I wouldn't go near my GP. Once bitten very very badly. And I am one of the luckier ones.

When I told them I would rather put a gun to my head than do a jigsaw they wrote in my notes that I had 'suicide idealisation'! Don't ever suggest I get involved with those clots ever again. I need to somehow get over the trauma of 'mental health support'.