Am I having a breakdown?

[Idontdeservethem]

Name changer. Have felt odd for weeks, felt like I was watching Christmas and new year from the outside. Didn't enjoy either. Put it down to be pre menstrual that week. It hasn't got better. My temper is terrible. I picked a fight with DH on the way to the supermarket yesterday with the dcs in the car and I actually got out of the car and started to walk home. I shocked myself with my behaviour. Afterwards I just felt flat and sad. Couldn't sleep last night. Today I am just crying and couldn't get out of bed. DH made me get up. I have been crying over lots of things that happened years ago, things I don't even think about anymore. I've sobbed today over my lovely grandma who died 9 years ago. I can't cope. I am tired. I am sad. I feel guilty because DH is so good and kind and I'm a crap wife and a crap mum. I must have frightened my boys yesterday and they'll remember that forever. I won't have sex. I fat and I always look scruffy. I can't stop eying and I just want to go back to bed but I can't let DH down more than I already am. He has made me an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow. I am a failure. Please someone help me.

Another week looming, so down

why am I in such a panic, I fear wakening up to another horrible day.....

Are you running this pattern: fear of going to work? You have a sick-note (or have I got it wrong?) but your brain has got so used to this patten it thinks that on a Sunday it somehow has to dread Monday? Even though you are off work atm?

Mad wild hypothesis? A grain of truth or completely wide of the mark?

Conitnued with my 'work' today, kept self to myself :)

thanks PPC, but no I was never like this on a Sunday night, as I didn't realise what was happening to me. Have to go for more blood tests this morning, and was awake a 4, took one of them new tablets sorequel or something like that, and I am completely zonked out...... don't know whether to continue with them or not, as I couldn't go to work like this.....

hi im new here but at the mo ive been signed off work for 2 weeks with depression. i cant tell my partner and lost it with him last night when he kept asking why im mardy i said are you that thick?? can you not tell there is something wrong with me? gp has prescribed me lustrol antidepressants only been on them 4 days. but just tho i would say hello to everyone and hoping i can get some support from you guys. thanks x

Hi mumofboys - sorry you're going through this too. Why can't you tell your partner? It might be a good idea so that he can understand a bit better.

Hi, mumofboys40, so sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I have had this from December, but mine was brought on by bullying, HRT treatment, and old anxiety problems, but I am determined to get out of it. My counsellor says I am on my way back, but I can't see it, and my gp is referring me to see a psychairist, who maybe able to get me back with better medication.... I think we all think we are going mad, but I can assure you are not.... except I just got my gas bill, and I am having a quiet panic attack. Chin up, and keep posting, it does help. Some days I can't face even posting, but you are definitely not alone...

One of my BF's and i used to agree that at times of extreme stress we wished we would go mad, then at least we wouldn't have to keep on gritting our teeth and trying to cope.

I have in fact three times been hospitalised with stress-induced mania. The relief at being looked after by other people was indescribable.

"The relief at being looked after by other people was indescribable"

That is exactly what I feel I want at my worst moments. Just to have someone take it all away and make it alright. But no-one ever does because I am grown-up and am usually firmly in control. I can totally understand how people make attempts at suicide 'as a plea for help' because if you don't do something dramatic no bugger listens!

I am too afraid even to contemplate madness, I need to get on the road to wellness.....

what if you were successful.....

Hi all, sorry I haven't been posting much but I'm glad this thread has turned into a support for others aswell as me. It really does help when you feel like people understand and are willing to listen. I have had three counselling sessions now and I feel like they are, not necessarily makin me feel better but helping me to look at things in a new light. They have been interesting and it is quite refreshing to feel like I can talk about myself for an hour without worrying about asking about the other person. Quite self-indulgent but why not? I am having less bad days but occasionally the wave washes over me. I feel like I am gaining control again but I know I am not 'cured' I need to keep exploring what makes me 'me' and I take that hour each week just for me. I will get there, I know I will. I am worth it and, you know what? I DO DESERVE THEM!!! I love my little family and they love me and we will get through this time together. The future is ours and I don't intend to waste it.
None of you should underestimate the impact you have had on my life over these weeks. I have given you access to my deepest, darkest secrets and fears and you have, without exception, supported me, advised me, listened to me and taken the time and effort out of your own lives to do all this for a perfect stranger. I will never, ever forget this. One day, I hope I will do the same for someone else. For now, I will keep posting with my ups and downs, I will keep reading all your posts. I'm sorry if I don't feel I can offer advice at the moment but please keep this thread going for me and for each other. Mumofboys40, I know the despair you feel, stay here with us and you will see how total strangers can give you so much support. Take care everyone and I'll be back soon x

Can I join? I feel overwhelmed. I have family problems that cause me constant stress with my mum and sister, I don't have any friends, I have a giant fat stomach, I don't deserve my husband and son. My son was so grizzly this evening and I couldn't take it and I was swearing. I am an awful mum.
I am so ugly. Every time I see my reflection I feel disgusted. I just feel so bloody sad.

Time for a group hug, methinks [hug-group-hug]

Ikea that sounds good, and like you are getting somewhere.
I think I am out the other side, I still remember all too clearly what it's like though...

Moltisanti - come in have a or a if you prefer. Hmmm, I have issues with personal space Pink (saw on another thread that people had nicknamed you this and liked it better than TPPC) so not sure on the group hug haha
Right, positive thinking from me - I'm going to write down the good things about me (this is actually harder than the deepest, darkest secrets thing!) I will try to say at least one good thing that I believe to be true about my self everyday - why not join me? Ok, here goes,

1. I am good at giving thoughtful gifts (that don't have to cost the Earth but mean a lot to the person)

Ikea, tis only a virtual group hug. Still counts though.

I am loyal :)

ok, maybe I can handle virtual...
((hug))

< joins in ((hugs)) sends to all, puts kettle on ... >

OK, writing down some of the good things about me ...

1. I'm good at writing

Hello. Can I make do with a stupid grin and a pat on the shoulder please? Not much enjoying being touched right now apart from by the children.

Sorry, hi molti. Sorry you feel so bad.

Hi all, you are right this forum does help, we all have ups and downs, I don't want anything else at the moment except to get better, and get back to living a life. I have been asked to go on a residential weekend course next week, it deals with trauma, anxiety, depression, and I took the offer, I wasn't going to, but then I thought I have to, as my world seems to be closing in on me.... Saw the psychiarist, and he has changed the ads, so I have fingers crossed, that some anxiety will clear from my head, and I can begin my plan to go forward...... love to everyone, so glad counselling is helping Ikeatears.....

That sounds good Fitz, is it being held somewhere nice?

1. I have a good singing voice.

Ooh, I wish I could sing more tunefully Ikea

Here's my second ...
(resists urge to qualify, justify, or apologise )

2. I'm good with small children

Believe it or not it is in a monastry place where conferences are held....down in Co Tyrone, it is an enormous big house, with beautiful grounds around it.... going on new ad, which is a bit of a nuisance, because I have to cut down on these ones, before I can start the new ones....