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Original poster

Am I having a breakdown?

680 replies

Idontdeservethem · 16/01/2012 13:54

Name changer. Have felt odd for weeks, felt like I was watching Christmas and new year from the outside. Didn't enjoy either. Put it down to be pre menstrual that week. It hasn't got better. My temper is terrible. I picked a fight with DH on the way to the supermarket yesterday with the dcs in the car and I actually got out of the car and started to walk home. I shocked myself with my behaviour. Afterwards I just felt flat and sad. Couldn't sleep last night. Today I am just crying and couldn't get out of bed. DH made me get up. I have been crying over lots of things that happened years ago, things I don't even think about anymore. I've sobbed today over my lovely grandma who died 9 years ago. I can't cope. I am tired. I am sad. I feel guilty because DH is so good and kind and I'm a crap wife and a crap mum. I must have frightened my boys yesterday and they'll remember that forever. I won't have sex. I fat and I always look scruffy. I can't stop eying and I just want to go back to bed but I can't let DH down more than I already am. He has made me an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow. I am a failure. Please someone help me.

OP posts:
Fitzroy · 21/02/2012 16:32

Forgot it was pancake Tuesday.........

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 21/02/2012 17:37

You can always have one of mine Fitzroy Smile

Fitzroy · 21/02/2012 22:42

went out tonight, so I had one there, but if you have any left Juggling

ThePinkPussycat · 21/02/2012 22:58

only had your virtual ones juggling but pancake day has always been a bit of a moveable feast in our house. Will do them when DD or even DD and DS are here...

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 22/02/2012 09:43

Here Fitzroy and PPC - I have just enough batter left for breakfast pancakes for you and PPC - and one last one for Ikea ....

< Sssss, Ssssss, pancakes sizzle in pan >

  • May I recommend the lemon and maple syrup topping ?

< pours syrup, squeezes lemons >

That should set you up for the day !

Fitzroy · 22/02/2012 10:44

Couldn't face one this time of the morning, just about got my tiny bowl of museli down me..... will save pancake for later...

ThePinkPussycat · 22/02/2012 10:47

Sorry to confess, cig and milky coffee for breakfast here. But a pancake does sound rather nice...

Fitzroy · 22/02/2012 15:59

Raining here today, got the Beating the Blues CBT from my occupational health from work, just wanted to try it. It is a bit weird, because you don't seem to get any individual feedback, but sure if it helps, I will give it a go....
Miserable day, cats asleep, and I am watching rubbish tv.....how is everyone else......
Went to hear a talk on the "Titanic" it was very good, as I am sure you know, the ship was built here, and it was alright when it left here....
We are trying our best now to get tourists into this country....and hopefully it will pay off for us.....

Fitzroy · 23/02/2012 09:56

Another day......

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 23/02/2012 10:30

What you up to today Fitzroy ?

Good to hear you talk about the Titanic talk - I'm interested in history, especially since having the DCs and finding out a bit about our family history.

I'm a bit fed up as DH has been tricky since the DCs went back after half-term

  • a bit "What do you do all day ?" which isn't exactly understanding, encouraging, or helpful Hmm

If I can summon up the energy I might think about going swimming today.
Perhaps that would be refreshing/ good for me.

Waiting to hear about possible job after interview on Tuesday.
Have also heard of another interesting one.

Have just had a little parcel from my Mum - just DS's coat left behind after our visit at half-term, but a friendly and encouraging card too which has lifted my spirits a little. Smile

How's everyone else doing today ?

Fitzroy · 23/02/2012 11:46

Hi Juggling, I am still suffering with the churning stomach, wish it would stop. I am exhausted.....I too want to get back to my job, and feel normal again....

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 23/02/2012 11:53

Oh, I'm sorry you're still not feeling good Fitzroy

  • my stomach can be a bit tricky too - I think it's caused by underlying stress and worry.

Am going to try to get out today soon - after I've had this bite of lunch and cuppa - possibly for that swim. Will have to be quick though as it will be pick-up time before I know it !

Fitzroy · 23/02/2012 19:23

Was at the drs, and she gave me some new tabs for anxiety to take in the mornings, I think I am going mad, never mind anything else..... I wish I could just be better, never had this before, and hope to never ever have it again......

ThePinkPussycat · 23/02/2012 19:30

Fitz I think your mind may be searching for solutions to your money woes, and kind of feels it has to keep going till it gets a new and better answer. You are doing very well at dealing with these woes, there isn't anything else you can do atm (that may change as the future unfolds), it will be ok (and it is now, in a funny sort of way).

Am playing The Doors, LA Woman. Jim Morrison is singing 'Well I've been down so goddamn long, that it looks like up for me.' I kid you not Brew

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 24/02/2012 13:28

Song sounds good PPC

I'm a bit blue today, especially as DH not very sympathetic about job situation.

  • Didn't get the Tuesday (interview) job.

DH saying really helpful things like maybe I'll never get another job,

Thanks for that DH ! ... You've got to laugh or you'd cry Hmm

(that's a wry raise of the eyebrow in case you were wondering)

ThePinkPussycat · 24/02/2012 13:59

Ha! Mine was like that. If I said he was being a wet blanket he would maintain he was doing 'downside planning'.

You are getting interviews though, that is promising, and gives you interview experience. If you are feeling very brave, you could ring them and ask for feedback. (Much to my own amazement I have actually managed to do this once or twice. Painful and helpful Confused.)

Fitzroy · 24/02/2012 14:18

New tablet let me doze for a bit this morning, then took myself out to shops, felt very wooly headed, but kept going. The sun was out, and I think I did see some light at the end of the tunnel.....
Yes PPC, the money situation has been ongoing for such a long time, it has taken its toal on me, plus the HRT and being in a horrible situation with bullying bosses for six years.......doesn't help.... Got a lovely email from a friend, and hopefully it is onwards and upwards.

thanks agin ladies. Where is Ikea gone? I hope she is just reading and doesn't feel read to post again......xxx

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 24/02/2012 14:28

Thanks for the sympathy PPC.

I'm really worried about me and DH this week - but maybe I should take my sisters advice and ignore his comments ?

I did ask for feedback after a previous interview and it was quite helpful. But don't feel up to it this time. Think the answer is, if anything, I should just try to be even more enthusiastic about the job in specific ways - ie. I'd had a chance to look around so could have mentioned more of what I'd seen when they asked why I was applying for the job. Also I'm thinking it depends so much who you're up against.

I think last time they offered to give feedback if you called them in the letter, whereas this time they haven't done that.

OrmIrian · 24/02/2012 14:39

Go to the GP. Please, just go. Nothing to be ashamed of. I have just had to go back on ADs because I was where you are. It's easing a little and I can begin to see things more calmly.

The strange thing was when I was on them before I began to find out just how many people I knew who were also taking them, or had done in the past. I just wonder if it's something about the way we live our lives today, or just part of the human condition. But you are certainly not a freak, or a failure or any of the other names you will be caling yourself right now.

One thing - talk to your boys. Tell them you aren't well but you are going to get better. Don't let them be frightened, or think it's their fault in some way. It's very important IME. Last time I had a relapse (about 3 years ago) my eldest son was convinced I hated him because I was so angry all the time. Since then I've been as open as I can be with them.

OrmIrian · 24/02/2012 14:49

Uhoh! I see things have moved on. Sorry - advice was untimely and out of place. Hope things improve for you soon OP.

Ikeatears · 24/02/2012 20:24

Hi all, still here and reading. I will post soon just can't seem to make myself at the moment. OrmIrian, thank you for your post, I have taken on board your point re your eldest son.

ThePinkPussycat · 24/02/2012 21:59

We'll keep your thread warm iyswim Wink

Fitzroy · 25/02/2012 12:53

I will have to stop reading all these internet sites, some of the comments people make about anti depressants frighten the life out of me, and make me feel worse.... My gp asked did I want to see a psyhraist (can't spell that). and I said no.... what do you lot think, maybe I should have....

Fitzroy · 25/02/2012 15:21

everyone ok today, at least we are still posting, although I am posting mostly just my thoughts, I hope this is ok....

ThePinkPussycat · 25/02/2012 19:37

Very tired, stayed up much of the night working on my own stuff hooray, not the divorce stuff, then went to a museum with a friend's DS(12), then caught up with another friend who is divorcing, hers has no fight associated with it though!

fitz I know what you mean about the internet sites, it just shows you can't tell how they will affect you unless you try them, and with any med you should keep an eye out for side effects. But without my obsessional late night googling sessions I wouldn't have found Mumsnet :)