Keziah, City, Choc et al support thread

[Keziahhopes]

Hi - found us a new home. Just didn't like the title of my old thread - and have found your support so helpful but would also like this thread to be less egocentric .

Choc -hope cbt assessment goes well.

City - how are you doing?

My physio exercises are helping me, but don't see stroke consultant until beginning of July. Still not had OT assessment, but dont' think will need it by then - just been horrible for dh to do everything for me since Easter. Now more independend - just had my first shower by myself!!

Phew that was easy - a quid it is then . If only mn could solve all my problems, lol!

Btw, had 5 cosmos seedlings up today (planted 2 days ago). I didn't realise it'd be this quick .

how quick Choc ... cosmos are so pretty!

I save seed from my tomoatoes to not need to buy any and also from my beans. Not managed to save other seed yet to try - shame as grew gorgeous crown prince squash plants last year but forgot! This year will be fairly simple, planning:
fruit already got going - strawberries, raspberries, blackcurrants, possibly gooseberries if the plant survived
tomatoes, cucumber (have 4 seedlings, will have to be ruthless and kill 2!)
potatoes, peas, salad leaves/lettuce, baby carrots, spinach, garlic
Hope to try butternut squash as they can grow between plants.

So simple things this year, with my overwintering onions not having survived. Agree totally should grow things that are expensive to buy and would love to try aubergine another year. Tried chilli last year - sowed seeds too late, same with peppers! We got a greenhouse last year - thinking no children etc etc .

Oh merivel - 2nd name, meaning peaceful is the Hebrew name, begins with N and he built an ark in the Judeo-Christian tradition!!! Like?

choc first tooth - how exciting!

Oh love love love LOVE the name , Keziah !!!! Oh wow !!!! Nope , hadn't worked it out < used to slow pace > That is gorgeous, such an important meaning & coulddn't go better with his first name . I bet he'll love it - cute on little one, stately for a mature man

Yaaaaaaaay choc's dd , how adorable is it to lose first one . Hope she gets used to it feeling funny - your method of determining going rate was inspired
I'm totally flabbergasted at seedloings in 2 days- what is your soil made of ? I idn't know was possible < prods trays of seeds in "conservatory" mpatiently >

Sorry , eyesight funny from mild migraine so will enjoy more gardening talk a bit later - what a gorgeous & ambitious crop you're planning , Keziah -nooo, don't kill 2 cucumber seedlings- they can succumb to viruses etc v quickly , though outdoors is much safer . .. hmmm, such enormous tendrilly plants , though ... < lugs couple of growbags int Keziah's garden , knowing so many crops make it impossible to fit them anywhere >

PS sorry for typos ,& forgot to mention couldn't reply last night as my internet crashed - such lovely posts - oh no , migraine making me not think straight - really sorry you've been having that horrid experience, choc, and am massively impressed you made yourself do some gardening ( we have medals on other thread too , & you're definitely due one for that ) .Hope dd goes back today / tomorrow so you can have a bit more time to yourself

Peaceful day to us all - off to catch up on chores, naps and slow sowing

Exec summary...

Oooh medals too

Tooth fairy increased monetary donation to £2 (guilted into by dear mother, will resort back to £1 for subsequent teeth - looks like number 2 is already on it's way ).

Keziah am hugely impressed by your horticultural skills (wow a greenhouse and a child, lol!). As for the name, . Maybe brain will return soon!

Oh my Cosmos soil is John Innes No 1. So I guess I should buy it again .

Merivel I caught up on chores today so no rest for me on dd first school day back. Hope your migraine receded and you managed to complete all most of what you had planned. I liked the Guardian link thanks - am I really too late to grow tomatoes from seeds now?

I'm trying to keep busy. Intrusive thoughts are threatening to swamp me. Next week choc will be back to a two people household . I've definitely been spoilt and I think my unconscious mind is panicking big time argghhh!!

Choc plenty of time to sow tomatoes from seed now. Especially if you start them inside like your cosmos.

Choc - know feeling on intrusive thoughts. As much as love DS being on own is hard, and for me it is only 10hours a day Mon-Fri alone. Can you go to those groups etc when alone to help with the day. And enjoy the rest of time with your 3 person household (and find out when he will next come?!)
I have lots of spare seeds if you want?

Right - screaming child, yet again. Right when I am expecting a mental health worker to visit to "check" - 20minutes to get him into the happy boy he was all am.

Oh - my greenhouse is thriving on neglect!! Only gets attention when ds asleep in day, or when dh at home - neither of which equals to much in daylight

Merivel hope migraines gone, ouch - just what you don't need!

< waves to choc & Keziah> Ahem- accidentally posted this in other thread last night , really sorry- they're the nice lot who won't have hasd a nosy
That visit this afternoon sounds like a prescription for total stress upon a new mother , Keziah Hope it went OK - maybe David could sense officious person approaching (apologies to mh professionals )

There there choc at your Dad returning home soon ... will be hard for a while but you can do it .in the next few months you might find aaalseveral important breakthroughs you couldn't have foreseen - I recommend prayer or asking the helpful powers of the universe or ! gradually come to see if there'#sanything in your circs that you might be able to change-eventually- if it's just not right for you

Amazed that you manage to nip to the greenhouse ! The lighter evenings will be good then , but of course you need the light for planting season < pictures trays of compost being sown in D's nursey > Please, please get an aubergine plant - they are astoundingly pretty < wishes could build choc aaaa little greenhouse >
Agree with Keziah that it's not too late to grow tomatoes from seed - can you start them off on a windowsill for warmth ? Cherry tomatoes are nice... have to agree with Guardian person about blight thhough , but it may not overtake your crop before you enjoy some crops , & the plants smell good

at being guilted into upping thee tooth money ! You can definitely put it down to being the special first tooth , dd being a brave girl about it tc

That is ok Merivel.

Bad, bad day here.... found out at very high risk of compulsory redundancy. Crucial few weeks for people to volunteer - but set areas chosen for redundancy and mine one of them.High number of jobs to go. With my mental health records and previous bad absence rate will be very hard to get another job, like this one, plus will lose maternity pay. Also this is part-time and part-time in my area is very rare anywhere where I live. Self-esteem hit rock bottom, cried much of the day. 3 weeks to go before skills audit to be done

Sorry, me, me me....

(((hugs))) Keziah that sounds such an extremely bad day . It must be a huge shock and every new mother on maternity leave's nightmare. I pray that the mh visit yesterday went ok - I'd hate for it to be a double whammy.

< quick wave to Merivel. I'm not ignoring you but not up to replying properly, however I just wanted to let K know was thinking about her >

This will make you both laugh. I found out today that my organisation will be undergoing another restructure! Unbelievable.

(((((Keziah))))) What an awful time for this uncertainty- every new
mother's nightmare as choc says

at it affecting your self esteem - we're more valuable than can be judged from employers/ public budgets - but I do get how incredibly important your career is to you , your unique & highly successful contribution to the people you work with is a vital creative thing for you , & way to reach past mh stresses I think ? Oh am so hoping things will all work out

Asked Dh , who thinks your union will have the most specialist knowledge , & I know you are a whizz at this stuff anyway , so please see if you can book appt/s with anyone who can advise- difficult with childcare, possibly traansport , and of course phone is not an option ... am I forgetting a dim memory of your union rep being unhelpful once before

The work skills appraisal is something you can prepare for , I guess ,eg your advice to choc last year detailed some points you were able to put forward , and the Employment Issues board on Mn might help

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/RedundancyAndLeavingYourJob/ind is very obvious stuff

If the awful thing were to happen , your talent , determination & organisation will help even in dire circs for finding suitable employment

Thinking of you chocat time of adjustment , & thanks for saying hi - I know you are stressed & hope you can enjoy a bit of family time at
weekend , bitterswet though it must be . Next week I'll try to be of
whatever luse I can ! will try not to bully you into getting more support when you feel up to it

Sorry for taking ages to post- sleeping a lot

[Dear God , choc, at restructuring...I can indeed believe it -that's typical of some workplaces - "restructure one way" , doesn't get desired results , so they restructure another way -...management looks dynamic aaargh... I know an employer like that < wonders if choc lives in next street >
So sorry for impact upon you & workmates

positive thought & prayers xxx

Thanks... guess restructuring and reducing is the name of the game!!

Ridiculous for years struggled to conceive... the very time I do I learn that 2 out of 9 posts to go and that at least 4 people are safe because of their roles. And I was last in, etc etc.

I mentally need to work - sitting at home is hard, even with a baby (feel guilty even saying that), need to get out of my head, need to have feedback that tells me I am an ok person which my job does (not all of time, but enough), need to keep busy. Have tried being at home with no job and for me it made me worse. Now of course we actually need the money, mortgage etc etc, baby costs etc. I so wanted to enjoy maternity leave, was worried about all sorts of things - but never expected this. And if anyone else tells me to have faith, that it will all work out .... grrrrr...

sorry it is me,me, me. Hardly slept last night, head whirring. Know am not protected from redundancy due to maternity leave - and my post looks like it is more at risk than most. Need to go into work to see manager next week now, to see if there is any salvage job... I could offer to reduce my days from 3 to 2, but that will not be enough unless everyone does it. To make it worse have to go through an audit for job loss when on maternity leave, so stressful, knowing that is is pretty set who will lose it. Even Dh says I am being realistic. If it was one job, to lose, a slight chance I could remain.

Part-time jobs where I live are very rare, took many years of waiting for any to come around. And I can't cope mentally or physically with full-time work. Or the stress of applying for jobs. Or feeling I ahve to travel further to earn money. Or, or, or... I hate uncertainty and job loss gives me that.

Have cried on and off for days now, feel very low and feel so low and guilty. Nothing can change my feelings. It is hanging over me. The thought of having to move house purely because I fail the skills audit, as I wasn't good enough, when dh has worked so hard to make this house ours. Know it is only a house, but was so looking forward to bringing up a child in it. It is not posh, still has an ancient kitchen, but it has been ours... place where brought son home to. I wanted him to know it, have roots - have all I didn't have I guess. See, am catastrophising already...... but if dh says I am being realistic, it is not catastrophising, as he never indulges me.

Sorry - am splurging. Can't appeal, if job role ceases then that is it. I can't be redeployed, as can't have skills to do much else. There is one possible chance to redemploy but that is only if others nto get it first.... and if they think I can retrain quickly enough, and give it to me part-time, when it is full-time probably. And only one position and 5 being sacked woudl want it.... somehow a glimmer of hope is worse that nothing....

Choc so feel for you, really hope me posting this not make it worse for yuou. Know am lucky to have dh to earn, but the huge mortgage just makes me feel so guilty, he can't provide for us 3 and I hate the fact it is me that fails again.

right - off to settle ds for bed. He not had happy few days, as I not moved off sofa.

Positive was I may have a few more sessions of counselling, as need it - but not offered for current distress!!

Thank you so much for the details , Keziah , & sorry you have to keep explaining to everyone , & no one says anything realistic enough .

So much to talk about but am not managing to stay awake , so sorry ( not just sleepy , sorry )... am not going to manage to say anything cogent at this rate except am so sad to see how much you want that home for ds to grow up in , especially as you didn't have that ... my DF went bankrupt when I was a child due to business failure & we had moving around , tied accomodation etc & it was hard & sometimes disastrous - but for my parents , not me !! - I still had their love . What was as absolutely crushing was their guilt , totally needless then & after ..

I hear you on how much you need to work & I feel there may be opportunities for you , but agree very hard financially , & sympathise , as DH & has never been able to afford a mortgage due to so many years supporting me , just me , no dc ,plus carer's role etc , & we have very little control over homes & his work , though he is well qualified & experienced - but that is not the stress of responsibility to a precious child , & I have the greatest respect for that < hugs to choc on this one obviously > ... am clumsily trying to say I do understand some types of guilt as our circs were impossible to bring a child into & keep affording rent or any emergency childcare etc - I did feel his choices were horrendous , & I was letting our child down but it did in fact all work out brilliantly

You would not have to feel useless & bored as you could very gradually start relevant voluntary works eves / weekends , whicch might alsoopen that very rare opportunity for you

Hoping your meeting next week might help , & do see that a glimmer of hopee can be worse than none but do think there is hope in terms of some retraining and other roles you could make your own .

So sorry to see you've been confined to sofa like that , & hope you can to get some support over career in coming weeks

< waves to choc> , who will I am sure be able to word things in a more sensitive manner than I have - many apologies

Hope you have some nicd tme this weekend , choc , and will take things little by little this coming week( is that a British phrase ? or does it sound odd here ? )
Lots of love to you both xxx

Sorry for typos - I do check < needs eye test >

So sorry. Just more hugs from me Keziah. I've read and I really feel for you . No, you posting has not made it worse for me. Our situations are completely different. For starters you mostly love your job whereas I don't. I have been decaying (and feeling wasted there) for years but was too attached to the money. If it wasn't for the financial aspect I'm confident you could achieve your personal self-worth through volunteering. Bloody money spoils everything hey. Would love to say something really helpful but I'm just not up to it at the moment. I know you'll forgive me.

As for you Merivel, you're right I probably should try to get some more support. But I sat in front of surgery cpn and said nothing a couple weeks ago when could feel myself slipping (my silence was in part due to thinking that it would pass and also I felt unusually rushed by him). And again this week sat in front of gp and said nothing. Oh I don't know. I know it doesn't make any sense . Except really not wanting the quetiapine and scared it'll be seen as me refusing "help"

Hope you'll have a calmer weekend Keziah with dh home to share the baby load a bit more. Try to do something nice for yourself (you too Merivel ). I will try to enjoy myself Sunday for final gathering before dad departs.

Hugs to you , choc, & was not asking you to justify yourself- obviously reasons why you can't talk

Thinking of you both today , am having busy day - hope you do indeed have good time at gathering , choc
Thinking of you , Keziah

Ran out of venlafaxine as forgot to take script to chemist. Feeling ok though, well no worse than yesterday. Does this mean the V isn't doing anything? I thought missing a dose made people start suffering from "withdrawal".

Gathering was nice but a bit sad as really brought home that he's leaving . He's coming back next year and mum coming next week (but staying at hers).

Wishing you both a good week

Hi choc_ I think it depends on whether Venlafaxine has a long half-life or whate-have-you , tabout which I'm clueless - hope you got new prescription in before proper withdrawal
Glad you enjoyed the farewell gathering as much as possible - < waves to choc's Pa >g have got quite fond of your Dad on our thread. Hope you find he week smoother than expected, 7 your Mum will hopefully be a fun Grandma for dd, and learns a bit more tactandd you have some good time together.
Obviouslywe're thinking of you loads , Keziah, & hope meeting with manager sheds some light < calming vibes >

Happy St George's Day to our dc , in a non-jingoistic way of course - mildly fearsome for dd and very unscary to ds

Hi again- hope you're going to hear something at least slighly helpful soon , Keziah

choc, sorry for being unhelpful re the venlafaxine - googled it &
this isn't initially reassuring - but everyone is different , & is useful to know I guess

www.medscape.com/viewarticle/506427

There is a site on effexor withdrawal , saying half-life of five hours is very short & many people do have difficulties after missing one or a few doses , plus a study cfinding 78% of people coming off entirely have side effects - but then
I'd have expected it to be 100% !

So it may be nothing to worry about that you doidn't feel too different < crosses fingers that remained the case till had new dose > & I hope hcps will advise .
s

Very quick post as baby ds needs another feed (weigh day tomorrow and he is looking very very chunky - aww, liked it when he was so little!! but chunky is what we need!!)

Choc if you on slow release V then I found missing the dose worse than the other sort!!

Thanks Merivel. Yet again you do exactly the thing that I should remember to do when I need to (ie google) - I always seem to remember to google when I really shouldn't . Certainly an interesting read and I'm very thankful that I didn't experience any of that described, lol! But then I don't remember having any side effects when coming of it. Not to say I didn't - could just be my bad memory. Anyway, by 5 past 9 I was at the chemist, phew.

Hi Keziah how are you doing this week? When is the meeting with your manager? All sounds so stressful .

What has your weather been doing? I'm sick of it here. Getting really frustrated with not being able to get out in the garden. I actually start feeling physically ill when I've not seen the sun for a while. I just want to get outside planting might be relying on my produce for survival soon. I bet it'll be sunny tomorrow when I'm at group. That would be typical. But I really should go as I didn't go last week and don't want to feel like I'm withdrawing socially.

Hope you're doing ok Merivel. xx

Hope the weighing shows a good result today , Keziah . Am excited to hear baby D is a good sturdy boy now ,but I can imagine it's sad to say goodbye to his newborn littleness < looks up what 8 week old people are learning to do >

Is dd growing well , choc ? You made us laugh with your memories of lugging her impressive weight about when smaller

Sorry if the Venlafaxine sites were at all worrying - I quoted inaccuraately from them so you wouldn't have to look up anxiety-inducing things ! - but very lald you haven't had grim side effects ( at not being sure due to rubbish memory )

Oh misery at lack of sun where you are - I do feel terrible physically & mentally if I can't get outdoors , but don't suffer the way you & Keziah do when daylight is low

Absolutely brilliant that you're keeping on top of urge to withdraw socially - I have difficulty with this & watch out for it nowpeop not sufering real problems from being hermitty so not even trying

Am pretty good , thanks - Dh been having horrible negotiations about his work , & we're trying to work out if I can get any money in at all , as totally broke & have no money left for rent in advance etc if landlady sells this house , as happened with last place

Have made breakthroughs in emotional "work"/ health habits / some med appts / even some grooming as am hideous
< dares not peer into D's pram till less scary >

sorry for long line of notes there < takes poor brain such effort to write a sentence it can't edit >

Not much chance the sun came out whilst you were in suppot group , choc*

You made me laugh at chunky boy Keziah < choc wonders why I didn't see your post last night >. I too was trying to think what an 8 week old is like . Dd is definitely getting too big for me. Last night I lifted her out of bed to put her on the toilet (a precaution against her waking up to early in the morning needing the loo and not going back to sleep thus disturbing my precious beauty sleep ) and it was a real effort. Dead, dead weight - I totally get what people mean now. I struggled and putting her back into bed I nearly flattened her!! I certainly won't be able to lift her for much longer < wonders if it's unethical to fit catheter >

Pleased to hear you making some breakthroughs Merivel - the grooming made me laugh. I haven't bothered to comb my hair for 3 days does that qualify me for joining the hideous club . I will definitely have to tomorrow as have to take dd to an appt with hcp and might get reported to ss if looking unkept . Hope dh can resolve negotiations satisfactorily with work. You have my sympathy with renting. I wish there were some laws in this country to enable long tenure. I'd be so anxious if I thought I'd have to keep moving house.

I did see a tiny bit of sun today, and yep while I was at group! It didn't last long as it started raining again as I was walking home. I was told that May is going to be much of the same. Please why can't I have something to look forward to?!

Rain, rain, rain here too!! Hard, as chunky boy having a few days of crying and no sleep in day and walking in pram helps - but with a hideous cold (can't be hayfever surely yet?) and rain, don't fancy pram here.

Choc going to group sounds good... even if sunny, as next sunny day you can plant.

8 week old - well mine has just learnt to smile, likes his black and white pictures (book given to us with them in), but mainly being held and Mummy and Daddy's attention. Nearly 11lb now, wow but not up to the centile he was born on. Still being sick lots, so having to feed lots extra to keep weight up = so pleased health visitor said to stop doing that. Problem is baby now thinks he is being starved!!!

Work - eugh............ stress, stress.

Had some good news, relevant to share on this site. The person I got six sessions of therapy with last year is able to see me for help. I met the criteria (ie ill enough - er, well my last cpn sacked me as said I was too ill for her, and got thrown out of therapy group as was too ill... just taken 2years to get anything). I like her, she is qualified and best of all will come to my house as I have a baby!! going to start mid-June I think,when in more of a routine with baby.

Merivel any chance you can apply for DLA, or incapacity benefit if you don't already have them? Nightmare forms I know, but worth it. CAB can help fill them in. I had to do them for my Mum, as she couldn't physically do them - knack was to write honestly what it is like when things at their worst and don't worry about repetition as you feel like that you repeat yourself all the time, just way forms set out (badly it felt like!)

Ok, back to screamy baby.

AWWWWWWWWWWW & SQUEEEEEAAAAL at ds just learnt to smile & likes his picture book !!!!!!! < proud > wow wow wow ,can really picture thaht know

Hope you feel better soon & the sun did come out after all ( but then
baby has to have just been fed / changed etc etc etc before rain returns )

Eexcellent about weight even if not up to his centile - hope the sickness is a harmless stage & bless him at thinking starved < chucks D 'neath chin > ( can 8 week-olds bite yet ? >

Brilliant & timely news about counselling . Sending every positive thought about ultra- stressful situation . Think vdelay may work out OK - touch wood -as you will know you'll have that space to ofload, & it may even help you as you find you start to prepare the thing's uyou'll be adressing ( sorry if incorrect )<

Hmmm , awful "cold" could be hayfever- I often get it in April , & choc was very bad with it the other day- how are you now , choc?

Aha , choc - you are my style twin !too galey for haircombing anyway -but no , not qualified to join hideous club - am heavily on the side of unkempt - flaky / frizzy / spotty and look 15 yars years older than age... I put on some face cream earlier & I looked far better ! Must be some secret lifty stuff ( Aldi day cream with Q10 , but probably not cruelty-free ) Lots of thrifty ideas in Style &Beauty

Oh my goodness , your poor back , choc . Your post made me screech - catheter unethical yes !!! Time for dd to learn not to wake Mummy with chatter < hollow laugh from dd's Mummy > Thank you for entertaining me o much

Thank you both for putting up with my pity party on financial insecurity , when I know how lucky I've been in recent years - but times are v hard for us all . Am[ big fan of thrifty living anyway & have endless boring tips- yy to planting on next sunny day - we awnt to see giant brocolli plants colonise your garden , choc !

Thank you so muchfor wise advice , 8Keziah* - I keep filling in the form but physically can't keep up wirth the doctor appts / changes in condition ... CAB helped me fill in years ago & were amazing , but many weeks for appt here , so will try another local advice centre .

< of to find something for choc to look forward to ... bell ringing ?- bah , practice in evenings ... history talks ? book club ? Join a Morris troupe ? Alternative jubilee celebrations /occupy camping ?