Being a bore...... but I'm struggling..... reeeeeeally struggling.

[Toothache]

I know there are loads of threads like this at the moment, but I didn't want to take over one of those.

I'm having a tough time with DH. I think we have argued and I have cried every day for the past fortnight..... at least.

He reacts really badly to me if I ask him to do something, or if I get a bit pissed of that he's left ds's jacket at the Nursery (for example). He gets really angry with me, which inevitable deteriorates into a screaming match, then me crying and him being angry at me for crying..... then he makes things worse by saying things to hurt me....

Oh god its just terrible. I'm sick of making excuses as to why my eyes are puffy. I'm sick of ds asking me why I'm sad. I'm sick of constantly being treated like I'm just an annoyance to DH. I feel like he hates me, I've told him this..... but he says thats my problem coz its all in my head. But he has told me many times in arguments that he hates me...... so now I believe that! And he doesn't see it as his responsibility to show me otherwise.

I'm not really looking for advice. I know we need counselling, but we were offered 2 appointments at Counselling after waiting on a list for 6 months...... both times we couldn't go coz there was noone to watch the kids. Now they've taken us off of the waiting list.

I'm so miserable, I just want to be happy in my marriage like loads of you are! I want my DH to show me he loves me..... he doesn't do anything really unless we've had a screaming row and he feels guilty.

I could on and on..... but I'm at work and I'll start to cry again. I told him a while back that I felt insecure with him and that he doesn't really do anything that makes me believe he wants to stay with me. I explained to him that was why I was upset a lot of the time..... the next time we argued he used that against me..... screaming that it was my fault coz I was insecure and that I was a whinging crying cow.

That was his parting shot this morning. Then he told me he can't live with me anymore and that he'd 'see me' tonight.

Just had to write it down.

Hows things going Toothy? Still bonking for England?

Nah... doesn't happen during the week! We're always too bloody knackered! But this week has been exceptionally busy.

One break through was this morning though. We were both narky and flustered running around getting us and the kids ready. I had a go at him about washing he'd put in the machine (silly niggle about that fact he washes his own stuff but doesn't think to throw in some of the kids clothes too.... not even a sock!).... and he shouted back at me to stop having a go at him. I said "Well, what you like!"...... we both sighed and walked away.

Now the amazing thing was...... that was it! No screaming, no nastiness, not even an atmosphere! We both just let it go and carried on as normal. That is major progress for us! These trivial situations have been deteriorating rapidly into horrible major rows.

So still improving.

...he's still looking for a flat though.

Thanks for thinking about me Dropinthe.

I think about you often as know how down you were! Off out now-will catch up later!