Daughter not made a sixer when a younger child was

[tomtom88]

Ok so please be kind.

Daughter is in Brownies, the old leaders left recently and a new leader took over. I appreciate all the leaders are volunteers.

Without warning - the new leader allocated sixer and seconder roles, with my daughter being given a seconder role in a group of 2 where the other girl was the same age. In another group a child a year younger, who is a lovely girl but very scatty was given the sixer role. At the meeting brown owl said these are not permanent roles because sometimes I change things and swap things about.

Daughter gutted not to be a sixer.

I messaged brown owl in a very polite way thanking her for taking over the group, expressing that my daughter was disappointed, and drawing her attention to the fact a younger girl. I asked are these decisions permanent (she has implied they were not at the session)
Anyway she got back and said, oh your daughter will get the opportunity "at some point" eg not specified so could mean never if they cannot expand the group and then stated " she couldn't now take the opportunity to be a sixer off one of the other girls" although obviously by chosing the other girls and not being flexible she has effectively taken the opportunity to be a sixer from my daughter. I would have thought she should have given thought before allocating the younger girl in yr3 to be a sixer and perhaps swapped the girls over in their groups so the yr3 became the seconder and my daughter the sixer int he other group.

Long read - any thoughts

At DD's Brownies you stay in the six you start in (unless there's a real clash of personalities or similar). She's the sixer for her's as she's been there the longest, but there's another six where the seconder has been there longer than her (but not as long as the sixer). Obviously they spread the new starters out to make sure they're reasonably balanced age wise. Saying that, 4 groups of 2 is odd. That is a tiny Brownie pack, but it's usually 6 a group (DD's has some of 6 and some of 5, I assume because the total number isn't divisible by 6)

I agree. There are many reasons considered and age isn't the main one.

This x10

Not everyone can be a sixer.

my daughter is flying up from brownies (embers in Canada ) this year. She is neither a sixer or second. She does not mind in the least.

my older daughter was a sixer as was I. I never thought about it again until my kids joined.

this might feel big now, but it’s a lesson for you and your daughter to learn. Not everything is as you want

Do not contact activity leaders questioning their decisions and authority!

What you need to do is get your daughter to be grown up and seek Brown Owl out and say politely 'Hello Brown Owl, I would like to work towards being a Sixer one day because (insert reason why), please tell me what I need to do to work towards this. How can I perhaps learn from X who you have already chosen'.
If she is worth her salt she will appreciate that, rather than have Mummy sending emails on her behalf saying 'it's not fair'.

Life is full of disappointments - your job as a parent is to help your daughter navigate this and deal with the disappointment. There are all sorts of reasons why leaders might make the decision on who is a sixer and age is just one factor. Encourage your daughter to enjoy her role as a seconder and fulfill it diligently.

Yes I understand they are volunteers and that not everyone can be a sixer.

But I do feel the decision was not thought through and will impact my daughter negatively.

Being pragmatic it is what it is and will not change so daughter needs to make her own choice

I left Girl Guides because of their version of this. The Guide Leader 100% did this out of spite towards me. (Long backstory, she was known as a bully) I pretended it was no big deal, gave it a few weeks to make it look not about that and left

In your situation I'd be mindful that these are volunteers and possibly hadn't thought about it, but if there's a history of being super critical to your child as there was with me then I would raise it.

In a nutshell.

Why would anyone want to volunteer when you have to put up with nonsense like this?

You must be mistaken about there being four Sixes with 2 members each? The clue is in the name!

Decades ago admittedly I was seconder of the Imps and then moved to become sixer of the Scottish Kelpies, so I was surprised to see so many posts saying your six is permanent

presumably she means there are four sixes and by two members she means a mixer and a seconder for each.

Endodyear
Really you make it sound as if I am micro managing things and patronising me that "as a mummy" I might dare to ask a reasonable question? The leader herself said things would be swapped about only to say no they wouldnt

I agree we must support children through disappointing situations, but we must also encourage children to feel capable to question things get an answer and make their own decisions.

I think some of the responses are harsh as I stated at the start my daughter was gutted

I was never a sixer 🤷

A good life lesson that you don't always get what you want (or think you deserve). A bit of resilience is needed.

Please don't make Brown Owl's life harder by emailing petty questions, even if you think they are justified. Imagine if every parent did this with every decision, it would make the job impossible.

Then why don't you give up your spare time, volunteer to help run the Brownie Pack and show this poor woman how it's done? Commit to the meetings each week, organise all the prep work each week, attend all the training, do all the recording.

No?

Then leave her to it and be grateful that someone has given up their time. Without her there would be no Brownie Pack at all. It's parents like you that are the reason people stop.

Commit to the meetings each week, organise all the prep work each week, attend all the training, do all the recording.

Don't forget to add answering endless emails from disgruntled parents to that list.

The flashbacks this has given me to being made sixer of the elves 🥺

Your posts sound slightly OTT given we are only talking about Brownies! Did you consider saving your justice crusade for a slightly worthier cause?

You’ll do your dd a favour by a) letting her fight her own battles when they are in fact entirely insignificant b) helping her understand this doesn’t really matter and she’ll have loads of chances to lead in other activities in future c) letting it rest with the volunteer leader and not starting trouble - or actually supporting her to focus on trying to organise the pack and settle into her new role

Fine to ask, but accept the explanation and move on. If you don't like how the unit is run, offer to help. Stop emailing the Leader about this.
Remember that the Leader is a volunteer, doing this in her spare time, for every hour your child attends Brownies the adults probably have to put in at least another 2 or 3 hours. Planning, admin, shopping, updating records.
Coach your DD to be a bit more proactive and advocate for herself. Brownies should be a kind and supportive place for her.
Don't fixate on ages. Girls may be selected for a variety of reasons but Leaders shouldn't show favouritism. Hope your DD continues to enjoy her time and not let this bother her.

You are exactly why I only volunteered with Scouts for a couple of months and still get “ look” from those m mothers twenty years later. Never again hot bed of bitching.

It sounds like your daughter would have had to move to a different six to be a sixer. Would she even have wanted to do that?

It’s years ago now, but my dd declined the opportunity to become a sixer because she didn't want to leave her current six.

You’re overthinking it. I don’t think they tend to put much thought into it. Dd was a very irregular brownie and missed lots of weeks due to other commitments. I was very surprised she was given sixer but I think it was more because she was very well liked there by the other girls. If it’s anything like ours it will be run by volunteers and they’re not necessarily used to managing things like this

HRTFT but I'd have been really pissed off to get your message. Do you have any idea how many packs have folded due to lack of volunteers? I'd wind it in, even if your DD never gets the role.

It's Brownies. It really doesn't matter. At all.