I can't do this anymore

[ChristmasGrinch24]

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

I've been reading your thread from the start but haven't commented before.

You've done amazingly OP. MIL is very lucky to have you. Hope the coming times are easier for you. Take care of yourself.

Please do keep us updated on this thread. I don't know you, have never been in the position you've been put in but I've been checking this thread multiple times a day and sending you love x

Sorry if this has been suggested earlier but has anyone mentioned a fast track referral to NHS continuing health care?

If not, I'm happy to give more info about what it is and how it may help.

A health professional i.e. district nurse has to fill in a fast track referral form if MIL is coming towards end of life. This is then sent to the CHC team who screen it and will fund either a package of care or nursing home placement, at no cost to you.

They will have a list of care/nursing home placements available and will help you place.

How can you 'just take her' in your car when she's a very sick dying woman, is incontinent, highly confused and frail. Do they expect her to sit on a chair in A&E for hours? The mind boggles. I hope the palliative care bed becomes available for her in the next couple of days, OP, for all your sakes.

We have found her a hospice bed!

The GP needed her to agree to a DNR and it was all done this evening. The district nurses are coming with transport to get her down the stairs & to the hospice in the morning.

It is a beautiful place, big beautiful modern rooms that look out onto rolling hills.
We got there In the end. X

Oh thank goodness

What a relief for you! I hope the night goes well for you x

I am very happy for you and very happy for her. That is the right place. Can I say also that hospices are usually lovely and not at all like hospital corridors- I would like to go out in a hospice, nice bed, view, and people who know what they are doing. I'm glad you got to this point.

So pleased to read your news. Hopefully your MIL will be comfortable and her children can spend time with her knowing she is well cared for. Just as importantly you can spend time with your children and have your home back.

Such good news for your MIL, and for you. Well done.

That's great op. Your MIL is very lucky to have you

That’s great news. Glad your mil got sorted. Hospices are like sanctuaries ime and your mil will be in the best place for dignity and pain relief. X

Just reading your update, firstly I think you have been amazing at such a challenging time. I hope the move beings some much needed respite for you all. Your MIL will be comfortable and you can all visit in calm surroundings. Sending good wishes.

Well done OP. I’ve had numerous relatives die in hospices, old and young unfortunately & I agree with the PP they are generally lovely caring places with decent staff levels and excellent care and pain relief. I hope you manage to have a calm Christmas as much as is possibly and that you get some rest.

Sure you're relieved OP. And owed a new bed I think.

I honestly don't care about the bed, or the carpets any of it. It's replaceable. The carpets needed new ones putting down anyway it was the stress of it the back & fourthing, not knowing what would happen, not having a care plan in place, just being left by the hospital to get on with "it", family aruging because we all felt like theee would never be any support in place.
I know I've ranted, raved, and cried on this thread and I thank everyone whose held my hand all the way you all have helped me so much.

I'm just happy she's got somewhere that will give her her dignity & safety back, she is a very strong independent woman & I know this has been her worse nightmare.
But now the nurses will help with that and she will feel like she has some control back. It's a weird kind of at peace with the situation feeling.

I also felt a lot of peace when my husband went into the hospice after a lot of struggle, I think you will and she will too, they are calm places where you can be together without the stress of trying to care in unsuitable conditions. You have a lot going on in your own life OP, and you have been a star to care for her when you have to care for so many others as well as yourself.

I am so glad you have a plan and support

My father died in a hospice and it was the only place he felt secure and properly looked after. The staff were absolute angels. Well done OP. She will be well looked after and you can have a well deserved rest.

I’ve only read your updates, OP, I’m so glad that your MIL is finally safe and can be properly cared for.

I’m frankly appalled by your DO and his sister, what on earth is the matter with them? They should have taken responsibility at this very difficult time, but they let you take on the majority of the burden (pretty much all of it, tbh) and your SIL just caused additional stress. She wasn’t thinking of what was best for her mother nor your family.

You said that you won’t have anyone for her in the future and I think that’s a good idea as she’s shown her true, very selfish colors. I think that you also need to have a serious talk with your DP about responsibilities- you’re not the default carer of the family who picks up the slack when he doesn’t want to. Being an adult child is hard sometimes, but he needs to grow up and do the best he can for his mother in her final days. 💐

You must be so relieved.

Here's hoping you have a quiet night and an easy transfer

How can you or dp not carry a 5 stone person. I could do this for mine when I was 12 years old. Carry her into car and hospital.
It sounds likes it's your home. Why aren't you telling them to leave in all this. You've kept saying you'll leave! No no they need to.

Seen update. But poor woman sitting in the middle of all you lot. She must have felt so loved...

Maybe read the updates before you post? There’s two from OP on this very page.

ETA - cross post, but my point stands.

Do you have a time for the pick up this morning, @ChristmasGrinch24 ?

Good to see your update. It’s fine for everyone saying no matter what, they would care for dying relative in their home, until you’ve had to do it, you really don’t realise what in entails, especially when you have a disability yourself along with other family members. Nobody wants to end up in a hospice, but it’s the next best thing to home. My brother wanted to stay and die at home, which was fine, my sister in law was there the whole time. It was fine when the nurses came and the doctors came to administer pain relief, but things go wrong and he didn’t get one of his overnight visits and he was literally screaming out in pain, if he were in a hospice with his wife beside him, he wouldn’t have had to be in pain.