How to stop elderly parent from driving!

[Catchupwiththeneighbours]

Just after a bit of advice please.

Parent is 90 and I really feel he shouldn't be driving anymore especially as his car is a very powerful model and he over estimates his capability.

Earlier in the year I reported him to the DVLA and felt awful but that I had done the right thing and lo and behold they passed him fit to drive!!

He is being fairly sensible in that he won't drive in the dark or rain but still goes on the motorway occasionally, to the supermarket, church, health appointments etc.

We were at a funeral recently and all his friends expressed great concern that he was still driving as have various health professionals. Does anyone have any advice please? We have a pretty ropey relationship tbh, many big fallings out over the years and he does not take kindly to any help or interference but I just cannot help think that he's going to cause a dreadful accident if he carries on like this. He's had a couple of near misses, driven over the grass, hit a kerb, that kind of thing. So hard as it will remove his independence and I don't live particularly near to him but don't feel we can allow this to continue.

TIA

It's just mad that it has to come to that isn't it? Thank God no one was hurt, that's a perfect, Duke of Edinburgh type scenario, hope similar happens in our case 🙏

When is his car insurance due for renewal? Maybe it will be too high and he will have to stop. I was horrified that my Dad's insurance was £4k, and he paid it!!! But he actually hasn't been able to drive for a few weeks and I'm hoping that's that, and we will soon sell / refund the insurance!

My father had a horrific accident when he was 81. It was totally his fault as he pulled out in front of motorcyclist and his pillion passenger. My father received no injuries but the motorcyclist was airlifted to hospital and was still there 5 months later because of his injuries. My father had to surrender his licence and it went to court. He was then given an 18 month driving ban.

I advised him to give up driving at end of the ban but he wouldn't and he got licence back. Then six years later in 2021 he drove into a bollard in supermarket car park and wrote his car off. He gave up driving the next day.

If he hadn't I would have informed DVLA. I feel bad that I didn't tell them of my concerns when he got licence back.

Thing is the law should be changed so your DF didn't get his license back - or at least had to retake his test at his own cost to do so.

I have to admit to being slightly relieved some years ago when DF totalled the hire car he had rented pulling out badly into a roundabout. I felt sure at that point they would join the dots and either his license would be revoked or his insurance would become prohibitive, but no apparently hire cars are entirely separate, and he still had the audacity to moan about the £1000 excess.

I probably should report DF to the DVLA but as this thread shows it might not achieve the desired result and it would more than likely see me disinherited.

Hilariously he moaned about sky high insurance but wouldn't accept that it was due to his age! He just pays out thousands every year, just nuts, he could hire a private driver for that 😕

Although I was slated up thread by someone for reporting my Dad to the DVLA as being cowardly, you definitely can do it anonymously which is what I did as he'd have been very upset if he'd known it was me and wouldn't understand my concerns. I actually felt relieved when I'd done it and not guilty, it was after he nearly pulled out into the side of a cyclist at a roundabout, it was only his passenger shouting out that stopped him from actually hitting them. I don't understand the apologists on here I really don't.

@Catchupwiththeneighbours luckily the weather is putting him off driving at the minute. He hasn't actually caused any accidents and he is getting very frail, I'd so much rather he made his own decision.

My DM won’t give up. She has already nearly reversed into a small child - apparently it was not her fault because (a) the reversing sensors didn’t go off (they were broken, probably from the last time she reversed into something), and (b) the child shouldn’t have been there.

I usually hear these things from the neighbours, as she won’t tell us anything.

People can and do legally drive with a dementia diagnosis. It's a notifiable condition, so they must inform DVLA and their insurers of the condition. The DVLA should then communicate with the relevant medical professionals before deciding whether the individual can continue driving, and how soon it must be reviewed.

If the medical professionals aren't sure, they should refer to an assessment centre like Driveability, who will carry out proper cognitive and driving assessments.

If the person then fails the assessment, they are trained to help them deal with the information and work on alternatives.

"People can and do legally drive with a dementia diagnosis."

Unless it's very mild, this is just wrong. You shouldn't drive if you can't remember what you did 5 minutes ago or if you think it's 1941.

We pulled the sparkplugs out of my Mum's car. When the garage came to pick it up we had a quiet word and he very kindly took it for a week and then told my mum that it wasn't fixable. Thankfully my mum didn't get a second opinion.

My 86 mum's car was written off when her 91 year old brother-in-law kindly offered to park it for her, and ran it into a wall. We were so unbelievably grateful.

Brilliant!

@WhoWants2Know I know they can because I called the dvla

I think it's outrageous and took matters into my own hands by selling her car . We sent back her licence but she wrote to them trying to get it back . I called them and wrote to them myself and said not to give it to her under any circumstances .

I don't care if it's allowed , it's scary to think people are still driving when it affects your ability to make decisions and your peripheral vision !

My mid- late 80s neighbours all drive and one has just given up his beloved sports car for an electric car. Their driving is good. Maybe you could give your dad a gift of a mature drivers assessment by IAM for Christmas.

It would be wrong to deprive people of their licences when an assessment has shown them to be a capable driver.

Dementia doesn’t just kick in overnight with a complete lack of capability. An automatic driving ban for those in the very earliest stages would be a fine way to deter people seeking early diagnosis

I didn't say automatic did I? It's clear from these testimonies that the DVLA is allowing many people to drive who shouldn't be.

It seems elderly people are treated like silly children once they get to a certain age. We will all get there one day if fortunate enough. It may come back and bite you on the backside as your kids may treat you in the same way.

It's the system- or lack of it - that's the issue.

There should be some some sort of response test - could be done using a computer simulator- at opticians or anywhere really, and drivers required to pass it at age 80/85/90, or if concerns raised by doctors or they have an accident.

I doubt many people want to take away their DPs driving license, but it's sometimes the question of what is going to cause the least harm.

A potential fatal accident involving other people due to unsafe driving or the physical and mental decline of an elderly person, not a great choice for anyone to have to make.

It annoys me when people use past behaviour as proof of future behaviour.

Every elderly person will be able to say they’ve ‘never had an accident’ right up to the point they have an accident and potentially kill someone else.

So, are we saying that we should let elderly people to continue to drive until an accident, and then ask them if they’d perhaps like to give up their licence?

Make them watch cartoon.

The Drive for Life: academic challenges older driver safety myths