🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I’ve just done the autumn deepclean, brought in a load of logs, and made sure we have plenty of rugs and throws, and toasting forks and marshmallows. I’ve even brought in extra rugs from the Good Daughters’ room under the stairs - they’re not needed there, no-one ever uses it.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

I play the piano. It's very therapeutic

I'd like to learn to crochet. I think I need someone to show me, I've tried watching YouTube videos but can never see properly what to do.

I love podcasts and jigsaws. I must get my crochet blanket out and finish it. Actually I have loads of craft projects waiting for me! At the moment my 'therapy' is painting my sitting room listening to a podcast. Therapeutic and productive. But it's taking me a long time because I can only do a bit occasionally.

You'd get on better with a beginners' book. They make the diagrams very clear, and you can go as slow as you like. That'll be easier than getting someone to show you, because their fingers will be in the way.

The basic stitches are very simple. The skill lies in keeping the tension right, that's the reason everyone starts with blankets, shawls and scarves.

If you've got good close up eyesight, you can use a smaller hook and cotton thread instead of wool. and get finer lace. I'm slowly adding lace edgings to all my guest towels. (As with any craft, the real difficulty is not making it, it's how to dispose of all the things you've made.)

@MereDintofPandiculation Yes, it's fingers getting in the way that's the problem when I try to learn from watching videos. DM and DGM were both prolific at crochet but I never asked them to teach me. I don't think DM would be able to teach me now. It might give her something to do though, and she might enjoy it, so I could ask her.

It was my dad who taught me to knit - 55 years or so ago.

Everyone learns differently. My gt aunt taught me because I wanted to make blankets for my baby. I tried and tried to teach the kids but they couldn't grasp it. Then oldest daughter followed me and discovered a passion for making huge blankets and during lockdown the youngest learned from following Youtube videos and now she makes baby clothes, blankets and toys. I've had a long break from crochet but I treated myself to some new wool (shhh! Don't tell DH) and have learned a new pattern which I love.

It's just occured to me that reading down the thread titles gives an excellent summary of caring for elders:

Mum becoming increasingly difficult/demanding
She's cancelled the carers
Help - Perfect storm
Overwhelmed and Exhausted by PoA responsibilities
So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die

and so on

Yep. You're absolutely right.....

@MereDintofPandiculation absolutely spot on.

Well spotted Mere! I must admit that I don’t venture into the main elderly parents board very often as on the wrong day it can accentuate how anxious I’m feeling rather than getting the solidarity I feel from this thread.

I've been googling

The Cockroach Cafe by punk band Blatz

The Joyful Cockroach Cafe

And there's also La Cucaracha Cafe on I'm a celebrity, but that comes with pictures of Matt Hancock attached, so I'll spare you that one.

We were at mum and dads for the day today which was just so boring I wondered if it would be possible to be bored to death.

back to back The End of The World is Nigh news, antique hunting crap, restoring knackered crap and property purchasing crap. All delivered at 1 billion decibels in the room temperature of the average sauna.

God

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew
Well done, you're here to tell the tale. I'm waiting for a call from DM to tell me how the WI meeting went 🥱.

Same at my mums except her channel of choice is Talking Pictures and I do actually enjoy a good b&w film so it’s not so bad.

The volume and ambient temperature though is very familiar. Anyone else remember these ads?

I usually go to see mum after putting my horse to bed so in winter I have to dress in layers to cope with going from the stables in the cold wind to Death Valley temperatures at mum's. I always come away with a headache from a combination of the heat, the smell of cigarettes and the strain of keeping smiling through the repetitive conversation on a 10 to 15 minute loop most of which doesn't make any sense.

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew - that sounds very much like a trip to my parents, DM in particular who ‘isn’t deaf’ so all those programmes max volume, same stories about people we don’t know. Years ago we knew many of their friends but now it is all about the bloody marvellous cleaner (cash only who seems to have quite a lot of money ….), the beautician (also cash only) that shows off about her luxury life to DM, who in turn repeats it. DD deaf and has hearing aids but ‘they don’t work for his type of deafness’ which DSis believes!! Anyway they keep asking when we are going to stay…. DH dreading it accept DM despite barely moving (but ‘doesn’t need a walking stick or frame’) she still cooks well and DH gets the best full English breakfast😁.

MiL past any conversation, mostly shouting or sleeping. In some ways however annoying same old stories on a loop are, it’s reassuring too. But I know when I see same signs with MiL 4 years ago…. Slowly withdrawing and getting confused and anxious. DSis raises what happens when one DP dies how the other will cope, sad but good to have family chats. We all live 3 hours away…. But DP will be able to afford Carers when needed - which for DM is getting nearer.

between is we are elderly parent sitting for a week in July - DD going on a holiday without DM, but he won’t let us discuss plans with DM until nearer the time. Although he says she knows he is going, but might try and stop him 😮🤔.

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew Your post made me and dh laugh out loud.

Today FIL (in care home) fell asleep at the breakfast table and toppled off his chair, bumping his head and various other cuts and bruises. Luckily SIL was visiting soon after and it is agreed that FIL doesn't need to go to hospital. But wonderful carehome staff keeing a close eye on him, just in case.

We have a new thread. Come on over!