🪳 Cockroach Cafe 🪳 Autumn 2023

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I’ve just done the autumn deepclean, brought in a load of logs, and made sure we have plenty of rugs and throws, and toasting forks and marshmallows. I’ve even brought in extra rugs from the Good Daughters’ room under the stairs - they’re not needed there, no-one ever uses it.

Come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So 🪳 mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

I happened to be doing an eight week course when my dad got ill. My relationship with my parents was not the subject of the course but there was some flexibility. I found it very useful to have a very skilful therapist ask some great questions at the right time.
It somehow meant that I didn't bore my family &friends, chewing over the guilt, the social obligations. When he died, I'd already processed a lot and it has been very straight forward.
I'd never had any counselling before but it was great. My favourite thing was her asking 'how are you' and really meaning it, that was the purpose of the time.

Sorry, @EmmaEmerald , I was conscious of the impending 1000 posts. A name change would help people to see if it's a good place to seek advice It’s not meant as an advice thread, though, it’s meant as a support, chat, vent type thread. If you are seeking advice, it’s always best to start a separate thread (although obviously people in the café will always be helpful)

Good news about your mum @Newmum738 . A cat always improves the general mood (although there will still be the mouse, vomit, broken vase, tongue marks in the butter moments)

@Newmum738 that’s great news for your mother, and a new cat. I hope it is a friendly cuddly cat and they enjoy its others company.

Many years ago a dear friends FiL was rushed into hospital for surgery, his eldest son raced 300 miles up to visit and tried to persuade the hospital not to operate, they asked other than being his son, why he thought he could advise. He explained he was a leading London vascular surgeon (now a professor too) and genuinely believed it would be cruel and pointless. They went ahead anyway and sadly his son was right. Drs have agreed that with MiL she is too frail for any medical intervention, but that is rather scary too tbh.

DS going to stay with DPs for two days, officially no actual problems with them, but DM is going deaf, wobbly on her feet and very short tempered with DF. DF a bit of an attention seeker and won’t wear his hearing aids. There will be G&Ts on offer - DM enjoys one only to prevent cramp. 😁

A cat always improves the general mood (although there will still be the mouse, vomit, broken vase, tongue marks in the butter moments)

Not to mention the ruined furniture, the pulled threads on your clothes, the permanent trip hazard winding round your legs, the inability to open as packet of ham without a furry kitchen assistant trying to “help” …

(can you tell I’m cat staff too? )

Thank you @Newmum738 I'll look into Cruse.

Good luck to anyone with a new (or old) cat. I'd love one but DH is allergic to them.

Our cat tells me off when I empty the dishwasher - so I politely suggest she leaves the room for 10 minutes, but she prefers loudly objecting. Same ‘conversation’ every single day. MiL used to come in and check on her if we went away, she loves cats.

Luckily I don't live close by so I warned about mice, birds etc. and it's happened anyway so I'm like well don't call me 😂

Our cats supervise all cleaning activities and if they decide an area of floor hasn't been adequately cleaned, they scratch at it disgustedly. They disapprove of half drunk cups of tea or coffee, too.

One of our dogs licks the kitchen floor. Saves washing it I suppose (DHs job)

Just dropping in to say please pass the gin if there is any left.

Just back from this week's visit and it was not a happy one. Mum in recalcitrant toddler mode being horrible to everyone, Dad insisting that he wants to look after her for as long as he can. AAAAAAAAARGH. That's better.

(As a relative newcomer to the thread I don't feel able to comment on the one thread or two debate, but a venting space is much appreciated - hope that's OK).

There is alwaysfor those who need it.

(I hope that's gin - it's very small on my phone so theres a possibility it's creme de menthe or that weird melon thing.)

Any of them will do. 😁

I'll take it whatever it is! Thank you!

A minty, melony gin cocktail it is, then.

OOhOneOhTwoOhThree - sympathy. I will join you with a tiny gin . I had a hard evening too. Mum blaming me for everything as usual: "it's because you didn't...". She also won't accept any outside help. I am trying to resist filling in the help because I know where that road leads and I also know that I'll just get blamed for other things instead... Despite my best efforts though I take it all to heart. Especially during the night when I'm meant to be sleeping.

Cheers @FiveFoxes and sorry you have also had a tough day.

Try not to take it to heart. I know it's easier said than done, in my case it's the illness talking - I never know if I'm going to get lovely Mum, out of it Mum, argumentative Mum or horrible Mum. It's a minimum 6 hour round trip and a long way to go for a couple of hours of out of it or horrible Mum, but I keep doing it because sometimes lovely Mum comes out to play (she did last time I went).

@OhOneOhTwoOhThree sounds like it's a good job I put that case of gin on my shopping list. I did hit it fairly hard last week. But after the awful start to the week DH was able to take part in the Birmingham Military Tattoo and that is always a highlight of the year for him and the jumper I've spent a month knitting fits him so a good end to the week.

So glad you week improved @countrygirl99. I'm very impressed with the knitting, the biggest thing I have made for DH is a pair of socks.

I hadn't knitted anything since I was pregnant with my eldest and he is 34! But we ate going to Iceland in June and seeing all the jumpers doing the research inspired me. I'd forgotten how calming knitting can be ( except when you realise the neckband is too small for DHs head snd have to unpick a load).

@FiveFoxes oh those times when you shoud be asleep...! Those times when you have every possible combination of what you should/could/might have done AND the future of what should/could/might happen.

Any way you can distract yourself from that thinking busy head is good. Plan your dream home, write a poem, do any kind of meditative practice.

Ideal is something that takes up enough of your brain to stop it getting on to difficult topics but not enough of your brain to make you give up. Computer games (mah jong solitaire etc) are the easy go-to for me but crochet is more productive.

I go to a painting class on a Thursday afternoon and it is bliss. Three hours of not thinking of anything other than how to get the paint on the canvas.

Other than that podcasts, tapestry and online jigsaws are my saviour.

I am a closet gamer. Worldof Warcraft got me through my husband's death and Final Fantasy saw me through my mother's final years. It takes you to another world and was exactly what I needed.

I quite fancy learning how to crochet but I'm not sure where to start. My relaxation is generally exercising.