Life expectancy sent by email - relative

[BillStickersIsInnocent]

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

@Soontobe60 but pick apart and call the OP out if you think she’s lying and that this person can’t function without an email address. My MIL has a smart phone and no email s she uses as she believes everything should go through her husband.

I don't have a Google account but I can use Google to search on my iPhone.

I think I was just defending the father’s actions re copying out the emails from the son’s phone, because people were asking why he didn’t forward them to the father. The father says he doesn’t use email and I’ve never communicated with him
that way. He may well have email but be using this as an excuse not to question his son, as he is wary of upsetting him. But I think it’s irrelevant as the son wouldn’t forward them to him anyway.

In other news I finally found the team page for the Lung Cancer team at the hospital he is supposedly being treated at, via a publicly available ‘for GPs’ page. No mention of either of the people he has received these emails from. I also gave the team a call and spoke to a navigator, who confirmed that they would never, under any circumstances, communicate life expectancy via email. I know you’ve all told me that on here but it was helpful to hear it from the supposed hospital. I have let the father know about both these things and have provided him with the number to call if he wanted to ask questions.

He texted back to express shock and say that it was a lot to take in.

Father has now texted to say he believes me and is working out how to put it to the son.

The poor guy. What a dreadful thing to have to face up to from your son.

They would never tell you how long you have to live because they dont know. I worked with terminally ill people and some lived way beyond what we expected whilst others died really quickly, there is no way on earth a doctor would say you have x amount of months left especially in an email this is bull ----.

They’re lucky to have you.

That's really good @BillStickersIsInnocent (well, it isn't, but you know what I mean). Telling the father that the actual lung cancer unit have confirmed they would never send such an email is definitely more compelling than 'Mumsnet calls bullshit' (although you do have various healthcare workers on this thread).

I hope the dad takes the line 'I think you've been the victim of a terrible scam. I've spoken to your lung cancer unit and they said [x] so they must not have your results yet'.

Yes @tribpot I hope they take a careful approach.

I would be wary of being in contact with the son now, as you've disputed his account.

Just be careful.

Well done dealing with this with such compassion @BillStickersIsInnocent, I know it was tough for you. 💐

Of course it be hard for the parents to deal with, but they're better off knowing the truth.

Well done @BillStickersIsInnocent for sticking to your guns. I'm sure his parents will appreciate it.

Good update OP. Be ready to support the father and help further if needed.

The point is, you will have an email address to allow you to set up the phone! Not that you have to log into Google.

@Soontobe60 good point, I should have perhaps pushed harder for the son to send to his dad then rather than taking at face value he had no email.

what an awful situation @BillStickersIsInnocent that he has put his family through.
devastating.

Just caught up with the thread. You mentioned an MDT meeting that was cancelled due to Covid.
These meetings are not usually attended by the patient and are held weekly to discuss all patients currently being treated.
I suspect he has researched the whole diagnostic process but is unaware that MDTs are not carried out with the patient present.
Again diagnosis and prognosis is very rare without biopsy.
One approach could be to enquire if it it is an inherited cancer. Many lung tumours are secondaries. My mum died of secondary colon cancer in the lung. Her type of primary is inherited and we are screened annually as a result.
Lung secondaries are very very common. If he is unclear he may well change the narrative.
The oncology team will refer for genetic screening if necessary. Our family has had it for both bowel and breast cancer. I would ask your relative if it is an inherited cancer.

Agree.

My husband was told that there would be MDT meetings about his case. He never attended or was invited to attend.

Really hope the parents listen to you now @BillStickersIsInnocent

Christ, I’m so glad to read this. I was worried they were going to refuse to see through the scheming, lying sociopath’s lies. What is his end goal?

I’d take him coffin and headstone shopping and tell him he needs to fork out now, or all the good ones will be gone. But I have a dark sense of humour and I hate liars.

Well it appears the father has raised it with the son, who is very upset at the news, especially about the “top oncologist” not being real. Together they are going through the emails trying to ‘sort fact from fiction’. I feel I’ve just upset them. I wish they’d just call the hospital to find out the truth, but clearly that won’t happen.

gosh, they should be relieved!

It seems cruel and callous to break news like that in such a cold and heartless way.

Even vetinary surgeons don't behave like that.

He has just got an ‘out’ - he can save face - at least it is done with now

Does the DF ‘know’ that the DS is scammer even if he isn’t saying so?