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Elderly parents
Original poster

Life expectancy sent by email - relative

598 replies

BillStickersIsInnocent · 13/04/2023 11:12

Hi, I hope someone can help.

I’m really shocked by this communication but I could well be missing something. A relative received an email after a CT scan saying he had inoperable lung cancer and giving him 2 years to live. 2 weeks later another email saying his scan had been sent to another clinician who has concluded he has 8 months to live.
This feels so cruel, I would have thought these conversations happen face to face or at least over the phone where you can ask questions.
Does anyone else have any experience of this type of communication?

OP posts:
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tribpot · 16/04/2023 14:42

Okay so that makes some sense. His goal was to stop the gravy train from leaving the station. And it's worked.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:47

Yes. But I can’t get my head around how he thinks this will progress. Maybe he’s banking on them not questioning anything as he’s providing help at home and they don’t want to lose that so he has power there. Maybe he’s not thinking beyond the next delay he can pull off. I just can’t comprehend it.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/04/2023 14:49

How did they Google if they don't have a computer or internet?

This whole thing is an obvious lie. And there's probably very easy ways to prove it but you're being too careful and risk adverse to actually do anything meaningful to address it

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:52

I said he doesn’t have a computer or an email address. He can Google things on his phone.

Thanks for your other comment, I shall bear that in mind.

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Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:53

I realise that my comment about him not having a computer was misleading, given he has a smartphone. Sorry.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 16/04/2023 14:54

No way does someone have a smart phone without having an email account!

tribpot · 16/04/2023 14:54

It wouldn't matter if the dad did have an email address, the scammer isn't going to forward these emails on (I suspect they are doctored images anyway).

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:56

@Soontobe60 not one he uses or knows how to use anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:58

I have asked the son to forward the emails to me, he has refused.

OP posts:
tribpot · 16/04/2023 14:58

I think it is possible to set up an Android phone without an email address. I've never done it but I googled and it suggests you can skip the bit where it asks you to log in to or create a Google account.

My mum has an email address solely for her Kindle and refuses to use it, no-one is even allowed to know what the email address is.

StillWantingADog · 16/04/2023 15:06

BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:52

I said he doesn’t have a computer or an email address. He can Google things on his phone.

Thanks for your other comment, I shall bear that in mind.

eh?
how did he get an email if he doesn’t have an email address?
this gets more and more nuts.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 15:09

@StillWantingADog

Sorry it’s his dad who doesn’t have an email address for the son to send on his emails to.

It was relating to an earlier post when people had questioned why the dad was copying out the emails the son had received by hand off the son’s phone, rather than asking his dad to forward them. If that makes sense! I had said the dad didn’t have a computer or email address.

Then another poster asked how had the dad googled the ‘top oncologist’ without a computer.

OP posts:
StillWantingADog · 16/04/2023 15:11

Right ok.

anyway as pp said I think trying to prove anything is futile.

the wheels will come off soon enough. You’ve warned the dad, leave it at that.

Original poster
BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 15:12

Yes I agree, it will unravel.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/04/2023 15:23

BillStickersIsInnocent · 16/04/2023 14:58

I have asked the son to forward the emails to me, he has refused.

Yes, because it's a load of bollocks and he can't show you. He's shown his dad something fake and knows if you got it you'd know straight away it's nonsense

niugboo · 16/04/2023 15:27

Given his history and parents vulnerability I would contact age concern.

icelolly99 · 16/04/2023 22:59

Even if the Dad doesn't have an email the son could screen shot the emails and WhatsApp/message them to the Dad....
Sorry you're having to navigate this OP - hard not to know what to do for best.

OldFan · 17/04/2023 02:50

@icelolly99 You think if someone doesn't have an email they're likely to use WhatsApp? :) I'm mid 40s and have barely got into WhatsApp.

deedeeweewoo · 17/04/2023 10:16

So sorry you've been dragged into this, sounds like he's after £ and his parents may have had enough of him so he's reaching out further. Hospice Care should be available to him if he's actually terminally ill so his parents won't need to physically care for him but it's probably not true, poor things.

MissAmbrosia · 17/04/2023 17:26

Sounds to me like they were planning he would move out so they can move to more appropriate accommodation for them, and now he seems to have put a spanner in their works. The git.

TopOfTheCliff · 18/04/2023 14:36

I had a relative like this once. They had two fake cancers during the time I knew them, which were amazingly cured without biopsy or surgery and needed treatment from a top American oncologist who flew in to Liverpool to treat them without any side effects. Finally they got a real blood cancer and actually died from it. We discovered many other lies they told but they made their spouse very happy so we decided not to pull the plug on them. It is called Factitious illness or Munchausen‘s syndrome and is usually part of a personality disorder. You have my sympathy it is very hard to know how to respond to obvious BS.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 18/04/2023 15:06

TopOfTheCliff · 18/04/2023 14:36

I had a relative like this once. They had two fake cancers during the time I knew them, which were amazingly cured without biopsy or surgery and needed treatment from a top American oncologist who flew in to Liverpool to treat them without any side effects. Finally they got a real blood cancer and actually died from it. We discovered many other lies they told but they made their spouse very happy so we decided not to pull the plug on them. It is called Factitious illness or Munchausen‘s syndrome and is usually part of a personality disorder. You have my sympathy it is very hard to know how to respond to obvious BS.

It isn’t necessarily factitious illness/Munchausen’s. Sometimes, as it would appear to be in this case, it’s purely a scam in order to elicit money or attention.

Soontobe60 · 18/04/2023 15:33

tribpot · 16/04/2023 14:58

I think it is possible to set up an Android phone without an email address. I've never done it but I googled and it suggests you can skip the bit where it asks you to log in to or create a Google account.

My mum has an email address solely for her Kindle and refuses to use it, no-one is even allowed to know what the email address is.

The OP said he used his phone to google information. You cant use google without having an account, and you cant have an account without an email address. You cant even get broadband / wifi without an email address!

Soontobe60 · 18/04/2023 15:36

OldFan · 17/04/2023 02:50

@icelolly99 You think if someone doesn't have an email they're likely to use WhatsApp? :) I'm mid 40s and have barely got into WhatsApp.

Someone who has a smartphone that they can use to carry out google searches will definitely have an email address.

WhiteBobbin · 18/04/2023 15:36

@Soontobe60 eh?
I use google without being logged into google…….
Its an option but I can you know, google things, without signing in.

Life expectancy sent by email - relative