The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

I cannot believe this- the ambulance crew have said to my aunt that he may be brought back tonight. How can this be allowed to happen? They cannot discharge him again to my mother's care - surely?
I suspect this is happening because the surgeon has said palliative care only from now on.
Whatever, I've now poured wine and awaiting company so I'm much calmer than earlier.

nora they can try and do that... but you need to get on the phone and tell them that he cannot be discharged to the care of your mum who has dementia, that it is unsafe for both of them. And then keep hammering point home - if he is still in A&E ask to speak to nurse in charge and explain situation fully, prob unlikely to get anyone at PALS tonight unfortunately.

Nora, sorry if I missed it but are his sons at the hospital?

nora Unsafe discharge is the message to get across to hospital fast- get your concerns registered.

Sorry, that's why I was wondering if his sons would fight the discharge.

hope the wine and old flame are helping nora.

Ffs, he's been sent home again this morning. So mum's back to "I can't leave him". Mum has been on the phone to me worried, thinking he's going to be left in the flat alone. The Grimms have told us nothing about arrangements for their dad from Wednesday.

On a brighter note, I had a lovely evening and night with my fwb, we talked, drank wine ate dinner and shagged till 4am! So at least my loneliness was dealt with and I feel comforted and tired but not so alone. The sick, anxious feeling is not so strong today.

Respect to you Nora for the shagging til 4am. Commiserations for the bloody hospital discharge, sounds like the BG are waiting for you to blink.

Back again! Got home at 4.30 this morning - thanks Thomas cook - up n down all day with upset stomach - could be IBS or bug or even food poisoning so decided not to visit DF till tomorrow then got a call from nursing home around 8pm re suspected pneumonia - can’t do IV antibiotics in nursing home so long debate with paramedics x on call Dr and DB - decided to follow advice and have him admitted despite having previously agreed that was not what we wanted
DB, DSIL and DM are at hospital n I’m waiting for call with DS and DD on hand for support
If this is it I’ll go but if it’s not I don’t want to risk making him worse
I’m in pieces right now n drinking far too much x please don’t judge me x

nora big respeck for the shagging (oh if only I were young again...). At least tomorrow is Monday and you can try and kick some ass somehow somewhere - could you kidnap her? make out you're taking her out for tea and cake and then just leave??

jace I am totally not surprised you are drinking too much, I would be/was/am too.

I have to work today, and I don't know whose arse to kick so today will be another of getting through. The hospice nurse is going to reassess him today which should trigger a decision to either a move to hospice or nursing home for him but when the move will happen, I don't know.
I don't know if anyone but mum and him will be there for the hospice nurse's visit (ie Grimms) so I'm not sure how she'll be able to assess with no input from anyone who makes any sense. I'll take her card to work and call her this morning so she knows about the hospital admission over the weekend.

And yolo I'm no spring chicken, at 57 my Saturday antics have left me shattered!

Jace sorry to hear your break ended badly, sounds like a hellish return to things.

Nora good luck with the arse kicking.

Cockroach all.

Thank you everyone I’ve cancelled work for day and am heading to hospital now to relieve DB who’s been there all night
DC joining me later
Hugs to you all

jace thinking of you.
nora hope today is positive for your dm.
Many cockroaches all.

No real changes - still in side ward of A & E as no beds available
Trying not to make a nuisance of myself whilst trying to get DF care he needs eg they ordered him tablet meds when he is unable to swallow and has NSG tube! Saw consultant at 10am and 8 hours later still waiting for some of the stuff she requested to actually take place
DM dementia worse due to lack of sleep and stress - she needs constant watching as has got lost 3 times on way to or from toilet (which is 1 min away at another part of ward) on one occasion came back dripping with blood due to a graze on arm which she has no idea how it happened!
It’s not her fault but the constant questioning n repetition wants to make me scream - DB coming to take over after work n hope she can be persuaded to go home n get some sleep

Jace I feel for you

You mentioned that there was a previous decision to avoid antibiotics

I'm all for avoiding everything for me, but avoiding antibiotics being on those lists has surprised me. I found pneumonia made me feel horrendous as a teen and then again as a young adult. I'm guessing that's why he has gone on them? Hope you don't mind me asking.

Sorry if my earlier post was misleading - not against antibiotics at all DF was on them a few weeks ago for chest infection - problem was that last night they wanted him to have them intravenously for speedy response to what is now pneumonia and that meant moving DF to hospital from nursing home
We were worried that just getting him there would finish him off, also the appalling care he received in same hospital a few months ago nearly killed him
I made a formal complaint and received apology and they admitted where they had failed but it’s left me lacking in confidence to the point that self, DB and DC will not leave him in said hospital without one of us being there to make sure he is being looked after
The nursing home care has been excellent and they know him well plus he is in familiar surroundings - it’s also much less stressful for DM than hospital environment where we have to manage her too!!!

Jace oh I see. Sorry if I made a leap there.

I hope he's feeling better and that you are also feeling better from your bug. No cockroach jokes!

Mum's DH is moving to a nursing home tomorrow. Mum will move on weds. We've had to say it's "for now" it's the only way they can accept these moves. I'm totally gutted by how painful it's going to be for them, I've had my heart broken enough times to know what that kind of loss feels like.

Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I've been helped by a lovely OT who called me for an update and managed to get information for me because of her role. I've been supported by friends and family and despite being terrified of what's to come I've come to bed feeling light hearted. Let's hope it stays.

Sending hope and the unmumsnetty hugs to all the (((cockroaches))) out there dealing with the olds. It'll be us soon enough. It's set my mind to make plans.

vera yes, I think "for now" gets a lot of people through.

Glad you are feeling okay and that you have lots of support.

nora 'for now' is a good thing, you and your mum have to just hang on until weds. once she is safe you can take a sigh of relief and the Brothers Grimm can go fuck themselves (technical terminology there).

jace I hope at least some of you can get some sleep, or if not sleep then at least a doze and a bit of rest.

we finally have a date for our complaint mtg - early Dec. DB will attend and take DM's ashes away with him (which is pretty fucking bizarre!) Not sure if he will stay over or do the trip there and back in a day. Now I need to try and work out exactly which are the most important elements of our complaint...

cockroach friends

Thank you all x
DB is holding fort
I’m on duty from 8 tomorrow - so grateful have a flexible job - lovely support from my staff n those who I answer too (trustees of small charity)
I’m in bed with a drink watching interior design challenge on catch up!
Hugs to all x especially anyone who is struggling and more alone than me

It's here, the day I move my mum. I'm sick with anxiety, about her, about my ability to manage her affairs, about me. I just feel so overwhelmed.

Nora best of luck today. You know you are doing the right thing, no matter how hard that is sometimes. I hope you are over the worst.

nora, you can do this. And once your dm is moved, others will be there to care for her. One step at a time. And use the help that is there.
jace how are things?
yolo glad you have a date- what do you want to happen as a result of your complaint? If you can be clear on that, it might help.