The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

yolo everything crossed for you and mr y. Thinking of you all.
All the cockroaches
Understand the tensing before visits......

With you @yolofish. Hoping your DH will be OK.

yolo fingers crossed. Will be thinking of you.

she has form for catastrophising My dad does that. I've inured myself to it - only way to keep my sanity.

Just come back from lovely week away at a music festival. Heart sank when DC told me Dad is preoccupied with "two bags of papers that have gone missing" ... first reaction is to delay visiting in the hope that he'll forget about it. But dropping in here and hearing about everyone else's troubles puts my own in context.

Unrelated to the thread, but checking in as we are just getting ready to take DS to uni and I don't know which of us is most nervous. He has had the year from hell - drugs, mental health, police involvement, you name it. He seems stable ATM, but only time will tell how he reacts to being away from home.

So glad you had a lovely week dint you deserve it.
nota crikey you have got a lot to deal with. Does your sons uni have a system where students give consent that parents can be contacted? Recently introduced at Bristol uni. Is he known to student services etc? Is pastoral care good? I really hope he has a great time but it’s so hard for you.🌺🌺

glad you had a good time dint and hope the holiday relax mode doesnt wear off too quickly...
nota its horrible leaving them at uni at the best of times, but hopefully he will make friends quickly and settle - is he good at keeping in touch? I still msg both of mine every night just with a quick 'love you xxx' but sometimes have to dig for info if I think there's something going wrong.

Hello everyone - back from holiday n DF still with us 😊
I felt there was a tiny improvement however staff at nursing home tell me they are still classing him as amber on end of life terms and that could only mean weeks
DB is back off holiday tomorrow so have taken a leap of faith and booked another short break with DP this time
I have a very stressful day job too and am struggling to keep it altogether so hope this will help

Thanks for the hand hold all. I'm 50/50 as to whether DS will manage or not at uni, but I hope he can rise to the occasion without having me or his dad around to do stuff for him/take the blame for stuff. We shall see.

Glad to hear you are planning on getting away again Jace.

I've had a couple of weeks of DB sharing DM's care, which appears to have been brought to and end, as he works/is busy. Sigh.

Good luck tomorrow Yolo. We are all thinking of you.

Cockroaches all.

nota its suck it and see isnt it? DD1 had a dreadful time in her first flat, took 4 or 5 weeks for her to move and then it was all better. Can he get home for w/e if he wants to? DD1's circs were quite particular, but I told her to either get on a train or I would come and get her, during the week was manageable but w/e are quite long when you are young and miserable... xx

He was desperate to leave home and become independent *Yolo, so even though it would only take him an hour to get home with me or DH driving, I think he would see it as defeat. My main concern is he has zero self confidence, and has yet to actually meet anyone from his flat. Am trying not to fret.

nota DD1 was the same not wanting to admit failure, seeing it as defeat etc. BUT: in her first flat she had: a drug dealer; a manic listmaker who policed everyone's kitchen habits but never actually spoke; a bloke who beat his girlfriend up; and one bloke who was quite normal but never there. You can bet my arse I got her out of there!!! I actually blame the uni, because they put her as a 1st year into a flat where all the others were 3rd years but all water under the bridge now. I would just urge talking, and that if it's shit it's shit, he doesnt need to put up with it just Because...

thinking of you yolo🌺

It's good news I guess - no sign of any cancer left, BUT that doesnt mean there isnt any (?!). So six more months of chemo to come as a kind of insurance policy. We are lucky in that it will be capicetabine in tablet form again, 5 days on 2 days off, weekly bloods. Better than IV chemo. Hopefully he will tolerate it ok, hard to tell because last time it was combined with daily radio for 5 weeks, and he did really well until the end of the course then spent pretty much 2 weeks in bed.

yolo that sounds better than it could have been. Still a long way to go.
🍷🍷

Could have been worse Yolo, but your poor DH to go through that again. Does he work?

Yes, that sound better than it could have been yolo and better than what I was worrying about. But it must be disappointing to have that when you thought you were all clear of treatment for the time being. Best wishes to both of you.

I'm back into a very low place again today. I've spent the day helping s friend leave an abusive partner and working, then got a call from my aunt to say mum has been round saying her carers have not been coming (they have, twice a day) and wanting access to the meds box again. My aunt's husband has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer and my mums husband is now on palliative care and slipping away and needs to be in nursing care. There's No sign of his sons stepping in to get something sorted. It must be bad if mum is saying he needs to be in nursing care and she's ready to come to me to go into care- but not till he is in care too.

I've gone NC with the Grimms and they seem to be using it as a way of not following up how their father is. Mum says she'll call them tonight but she will forget. I can see him dying in the bed next to mum at this rate- something the doctor said should not be allowed to happen. I feel sick and so fed up with being the only one seeming to do anything.

Oh, Nora, that all sounds dreadful! I'm not surprised you're feeling low

Oh nora that’s awful. Could your dms social worker intervene? 🌺🌺🍷🍷

Good call sandwich I will call the SW tomorrow and see if she can help. I had forgotten about her- she has done nothing so far apart from stop me bringing mum here to be looked after.

any progress with SW nora?

hospital has asked us to suggest some dates for a meeting in Nov/Dec - wont be Nov as DB on jury service from Oct 28th for up to 4 weeks.

still waiting to hear when DH chemo starts again - he's got our kitchen to finish in the meantime so he'd best crack on!!

Mums DH was rushed to hospital last night. She is with her sister whose husband was also taken into hosp yesterday. I've got an agency seeking dementia care residential beds near me with the possibility of her coming down to me this weekend. But mum is now saying she needs to stay to visit him in hosp, she's not safe to stay alone unless her sister will look after her which she may do for a couple of days.
I'm hoping I can move her this week.

oh nora all good vibes coming your way xx