The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

Thanks Jace

I luffs your cat 😍

I will have a cat one day!

How is everyone doing? nora, jace, et al - hope you are ok.

Oct 6 2018 was the last time I saw DM alive, and Oct 7 was the day DH was diagnosed - weird times. OTH Oct 13 was the day we got DDog who has saved my sanity, basically because she is the funniest, clowniest dog in the world.

cockroach all KIKO x

Thanks fir the thoughts yolo, mum seems to be settling now, no tears for the last two days, says she likes it apart from Missing her dp. I'm going to take her to see him next week- it's his 88th birthday. I may drop her at the nursing home then dash to hers to get more clothes and then back to pick her up so I don't have to hang around at his bedside for hours.
She seems to have managed to use her phone, I've not put his number in it so she can't keep calling him. I'll supervise calls so she doesn't get too upset- but she seems remarkably better since this time last week.

I wish I could say the same for me, I'm feeling exhausted, chilled to the bone, tearful and lethargic. I've not managed to swim for a week and mb body is desperate for a swim but my lethargy has sent me to bed since 430 this evening.

nora that's the adrenaline come down I suspect - your mum is safe, she's reasonably settled, there is nothing you can do about her DH and the BG cant do anything to you either now. Be kind to yourself, go swimming if you can but dont beat yourself up if you cant x

Just found you all! So pleased to bump into everyone.

Does anyone else feel like a teenager apart from the oldie responsibility?

I don't have kids though....

autumn we are getting double glazing in a few weeks time, courtesy of my inheritance from mum. I am hoping that will make me feel like a grown up! a proper person, with windows that actually open and close, and LOCK, and dont have panes stuck in with some kind of glue. Like an actual grown up. Not sure about teenager though...

Um
I should have been clearer

I mean like a teenager just enjoying music and no responsibilities. I spent my 20s and 30s working so hard, it was like banging my head against a wall. Like your DD work placement!

So now I'm like, ooh I have time to have fun....no wait, there's an oldie to look after.

But double glazing is good, sure! 😁

I can actually see the fun and good things in life and I haven't felt like this since the summer after my A levels. But with oldies...it gets interrupted a lot!

I was just starting to relax at home n get stuck in at work then nursing home rang late afternoon to say they felt DF had got worse - I couldn’t leave work so DB went instead and said that he thought things were ok
I agreed to go at lunchtime tomorrow n try n speak to staff - dietitian - physio etc
Then realised later I’ve got my car in for MOT so can’t get there either until Friday
Now stressing again

My DGm scored 7/30 on the MMSE. I didn't expect it to be that bad.

She's been having a problems for about two years (counting and re-counting money, not managing her tablets, phoning multiple times and asking the same question) but lived miles away from us and the tests kept being cancelled by the relatives who lived closest (now she's in a nursing home nearer my family).

I'm on a placement hundreds of miles away from home and just feel awful and angry about the whole thing. I don't have to deal with any day-to-day stuff, but I feel useless and keep worrying about what's happening — other close relatives have died while I was away at university so I know this probably is my issue.

I can't move closer to home, not for about 9 months anyway and I feel awful that she's this bad, and I'm worried about how much worse she'll be with time and if she'll remember me when I visit. I video call and go and visit whenever I'm home, and she likes seeing me in person but isn't that interested on the phone. She just seems confused and bewildered and it's horrible.

And 7/30 just seems so much worse than I though it would be.

Sorry for barging in like that. I'm just struggling to sleep and feeling miserable, it was a bit of a shock. I didn't want to start a thread though, that would seem too real!

Jace sorry for cutting in after you. I hope everything works out — it's better that you're driving there in a safe car after all.

Hi Duvet and welcome to the thread. No need to worry about barging in, we are pretty informal here.

To be brutal, there is little point in expending energy on worrying. Do you have siblings, or anyone else close that you can discuss a game plan with? Does she have Attendance Allowance in place - if not, applying for that is a good place to start as it allows for some of the tasks to be outsourced. The same with getting Power of Attorney set up.

Sorry, just reread and saw she's in a nursing home so ignore the stuff about AA.

My lethargy yesterday seems to be flu today. I've had to call in sick to work and can't visit mum. I'm in bed freezing with the heating on full pelt and feeling as miserable as a miserable thing in a misery contest. I suppose it's my body giving in and saying "rest". :(

laura welcome and wise words from pp.
nora big long distance hugs🌺🌺☕️☕️ So sorry
jace hope your df is ok.
yolo exciting windows news! How is your dh? And you?
Hello whatever!
All ok here.. for now😉

My lethargy yesterday seems to be flu today I thought it sounded like that when you said it. I'm just recovering from the same. If you can afford it, make sure you don't go back to work till you're up to it - I overdid things on Tuesday and am feeling crap again now.

Hi back Sandwich how are things with you?
Tomorrow we are off to see DS' pass off parade as he finishes his army basic training. Really looking forward to seeing him .

For a few months now, DB has been persuaded to split the DM visits 50/50, so that I get some time off and he steps up. Obviously holidays or emergencies notwithstanding. However that has started to slip on his part, and I frequently get texts saying can't visit this week as going out for the day, which I read as can't visit as doing something enjoyable instead. I got the last one yesterday and had to stop myself from saying that I wish I could opt out when I wanted to. I didn't as I knew that was the sort of thing that would be hard to come back from, so need to compose something a little more grown up in response. I've got so much other shit going on in my life, and need to rethink how we manage this burden of responsibility falling so much to me by default.

monkey how much visiting does she actually need?

I know my sister has a different assessment of my mother and I admit, I could subscribe to her view but I don't.

so when he says "I can't go" does that you mean you have to go, or just that she will be short of a visit?

I'm sorry if I'm mixing you up with another poster but I know some people are doing gardening and such like, which is fine if you want to, but not if you don't.

She really does need a visit every 3/4 days, to keep her topped up with food and milk, etc, one of which has to be on a Wednesday in order to put her bins out (impossible to do without having access to the house). Which means if he doesn't go, I have to.

I've tried buying in more milk and bread etc and freezing it, but she just takes it all out and leaves it to defrost/go off.

monkey has she refused a carer?

I can't remember if she has capacity or not. are you and your brother nearby?

She has a carer who goes in for max half an hour visit each day, but all she does is check she's taken her meds. One of the things on my to do list is to find a new care agency who can actually do a bit more.

I am near, DB less so. So I know I am being unfair on him, but I have got so much shit going on in the rest of my life at the moment, I am running on empty.

Sorry @notaflyingmonkey don't want to interfere, but is it at all possible to get someone (neighbors/paid help) to receive food deliveries (and sort them), taking bins back and forth?

Online food shopping can be a lifesaver sometimes . Find a way to make it work, in the long run it will take a load of your shoulders.

Sending strenght.

I'm also wondering how full the bins get, it must be okay to miss collections every so often.

I think OP might have said her mum had pissed the neighbours off so they wouldn't help - sorry if that wasn't you.