The Cockroach Cafe (the successor to the Shiny Thread)

[MereDintofPandiculation]

A space for us all to get together for relief from caring, share news, frustrations, problems, or just have a rant. Everyone and everything welcome (though if you have a big problem needing advice, you may want to start a new thread so as to be heard above the noise of the clanking gin bottles and general chatter)

I've tried buying in more milk and bread etc and freezing it, but she just takes it all out and leaves it to defrost/go off. Could you get in some long-life milk "for emergencies"? Introduce her to a non-milk "milk"? Rice milk or oat milk perhaps?

My Dad took to "crispbakes" - basically like very dry toast, in circular slices about 4 inches across. That meant thrice weekly bread deliveries were no longer needed.

Yes, it was her that's pissed off the neighbours, so nobody else will do these things for her - slightly annoying that the carers won't either, but she's probably told them to leave it for me to do.

Good tip re the perishables Dint I'll have a look into them.

Thanks all for the handholds!

monkey "but she's probably told them to leave it for me to do."

If she has capacity, I think you should leave her to it for a week. That sounds harsh but why should anyone be run ragged for bins and a food delivery?

@notaflyingmonkey With the bins do you mean empty them from inside the house or move
From property to kerbside? I know it varies from authority to authority but my council and the adjoining neighbouring council, will enter a property and take the bins if you request this at no extra cost. We arranged this for my MIL when she became immobile. Apologies if you looked at this option already.

@notaflyingmonkey sorry to clarify, by enter a property I mean go in to back yard or garden and drag the bin through as in the old days.

I have to take the rubbish, recycling and food waste (3 different bins) from inside the house, and put it all in the outside bins (where there is a fourth garden bin). The wheelie bins then need to be wheeled from the back garden, through a bolted garden door, down the drive to the kerb. They are alternated each week, so one week it is recycling, rubbish the next. So if I miss one collection, it's a month til the next. So if I do miss one, I try and make it the recycling week.

I kinda think I have bored you all to tears with the bloody bins now...

It’s things like a bin that can break you ...

Bins are a major source of elderlies stress- sorry nota for all the c£&*.
Could you get a cleaner to come on bin day? And do check what the council will do- most have a helpline number for bins.

Car passed MOT but didn’t get back till today as had also asked them to do cambelt
Set off to visit DF tonight after work but DB messaged me to say no point as he was asleep
Still waiting for call from rehab team n dietitian will chase them on Monday
It’s Friday night and I have Dcat n Dgin

DCat has quite a pose in that first pic

nota You need to speak to carers to get them to empty rubbish into bins - make it clear you can't - and as someone suggested, speak to Council about their help for elderly and bins. It would probably take a while to get it sorted, but it's utterly ridiculous that you're using your valuable time on stuff anyone could do.

DCat is working hard for his living, isn't he?

Thank you all for seeing the bloody bins for what they are to me!

On the subject of cats, DM spent last winter talking about getting one. I really had to work on not saying but that would be another bloody thing for me to look after, take to appointments, etc. Luckily that seems to have passed (for now).

She was 91 this week and, I fear, likely to outlive me. I have developed a host of low level health problems, including high blood pressure, which I know are symptomatic of my stress levels.

Cockroach all x

monkey "I really had to work on not saying but that would be another bloody thing for me to look after"

I would have just said it. I'm sorry you're having health problems.

Love dcat
nota so sorry to hear about your health- is your dB aware? You must prioritise your health.
I was also going to suggest milk and more milk delivery- do bread as well. Check who covers your dm area. More expensive but one less thing for you to do.
This is a godsend for dm and makes her feel in control.
Does your dm have attendance allowance? Can help pay for extra help.
Please try and get support in to do the day to day stuff and leave for you what only you can do. 🌺

Dcat earns his board n lodging in tlc to me
He always knows when I need comforting
It’s the grown up version of a teddy

I’ve actually been ok today - Saturday is my one day off caring duties
Did some housework, DIY n ironing
DP put up a new cupboard for me
Went and got new tyres for car
Shopping n coffee
Tonight went out for a Chinese meal

On the subject of cats, DM spent last winter talking about getting one. I really had to work on not saying but that would be another bloody thing for me to look after, take to appointments, etc.

£105 from Amazon. Even my father, who is not yet diagnosed with dementia, appears to think this is a real cat.

She was 91 this week and, I fear, likely to outlive me. Yes, I know how you feel! But you can have good quality of life with multiple health problems. I've been on BP medication and various other medications for about 10 years and feel healthier than I have done for a good while. Makes getting travel insurance difficult, though.

Thanks for the hand holds and advice all. I have now sorted for her to have milk and bread delivered (why on earth I didn't think of this before, I don't know). And I have a GP appointment lined up for Friday to take whatever he is going to say about my BP on the chin, as it may well time for meds.

nota My GP said "well, yes, you could reduce it by doing about X hours of exercise a day, but, let's face it, that's not going to happen, is it? Make life easier for yourself".

Jace Your one day off, and you're doing housework, DIY, ironing, shopping and sorting out car! I'd want another day off after that!

nota that’s great to hear. The milkman is a lifesaver for dm.
So glad you are seeing gp. It will help you cope with everything. Give them the whole story.
Sometimes when we are so deep in the s£&* we can’t see the easy fixes and havent got the brain space to deal with them. That’s where the wisdom on this thread kicks in. 🌺🌺
Love the amazon cat!!

I was telling my boss recently about the BP. The GP asked me to go to the surgery to do 3 separate readings, I've done 2, both of which were really high and was putting off the third on the basis I could probably lower it by going to the gym etc. He looked at me in horror and said get yourself to the bloody GP. It was one of those moments where the stuff I tell myself in my head didn't quite stand up when exposed to the outside world!

Jace I'd also need a day off after your day off.

My flat looks mad. And it's Sunday and I've just woken up.

Slightly annoyed with a (sort of) friend this week. She used to say quite bluntly that she went into therapy because she couldn't cope with her oldies. They lived mikes away so she never did day to day. Her brother lived near them and did it.

Now they've both died in the last couple of years, she gets angry if anyone moans about their parents and says "my parents are DEAD, how do you think I feel?"

I think a couple of people might eventually remind her of what she used to say....

I took your advice n took today off as well!
Car boot n coffee with DP
Smaller amounts of housework
Cleared out old car for sale
Went shopping with DD this PM - leisure activity we like to shop!
Spent evening listing stuff to sell on eBay
Collapsed in bed after a few bacardis
Tea break over - back to work tomorrow - will visit DF and DM after work

Jace I need another day off after your Sunday!

I wish I could be more of a busy person but I can't. What you've described is a super busy day for me, minus shopping, I don't shop in person, only online. Hate shops and shopping.