Support for those who care for elderly parents - drop in as you need, everyone welcome

[CMOTDibbler]

All of us would rather not be here, but we need to be - with the people who really understand.

Hello all. Thinking of you SPT.
Zaza- my mum lives up the road and is quite frail and in pain but has most of her marbles. It is hard thinking of her alone but I have other priorities and have sorted a lot of help for her. She also shows very little interest in me or dh/dd so I don't feel so bad.
Mil had dementia and lived 45 min away- she would constantly phone even if dh had just left her saying she hadn't seen anyone and getting agitated. It is really really hard but you do have to think about yourself and what you can do. You cannot fix her- sorry. And start looking at residential care options before you need them. Please look after yourself.

Your stories (although they are sad) are making me feel better - it's not just my DM, but a common problem by the sound of it.

Thank you Sandwich.

I guess it is common Tilly but It feels very lonely.

She' s gone. RIP Mum

Thank you so much for all being there.

So sorry, SugarPlum. I know it's been a hard road for you, thinking about everyone else but yourself.

I hope you're ok.

Thank you Liney. I'm having a cuppa in time honoured style. Just need to get DD to do those last few bits of work later.. Out of everyone I'm dreading telling my Dad the most strangely. They were still married though separated for 22 years.

Oh so sorry to hear that, SugarPlum, but relieved for you and her that the suffering is over

It's been a long time since our mothers were diagnosed in the same week at the same place, and a difficult journey for both you and your brother. I hope it has, ultimately, been a positive one and that in time you will start to remember the good times as well as the final years.

Many condolences to you and your family.

So sorry SugarPlum.

So sorry SugarPlum

I'm so sorry SPT. Its been a very hard path for you, and through it all you put your mum first.

Fingers crossed dd gets through the last bits of BTEC work, and for your dad too.

shine on SPTs mum

Oh SPT I am so sorry but glad it is over. It feel almost unreal. You did what she wanted- you got her there.
Hope dd finds that last bit of strength to finish. And then give yourself permission to fall apart.RIP spt's mum- and all the and you need today.

So sorry SPT .

My condolences SPT. It has been a really long and difficult journey and one you did not run away from, you made sure your mum was safe. I hope that fact will help you through the weeks to come.

Look after yourself now SPT

Thank you all very much. DD has just finished. We've told her, she hasn't fallen apart and is off to eat noodles. W're going out for tea this afternoon as we'd arranged previously.

SugarPlum, that sounds like it has all fallen into place really well.
Sending strength for the coming days/weeks.

I'm so glad your dd has managed to finish. Have a lovely tea, and celebrate your mums life

Well I guess the whole funeral thing was always going to be a bit different . My Brother has been excellent, really feel for him as he's been running all over the place. Last phone call started with 'Right I've booked the monks.,' I'm afraid I got the giggles at that point. Luckily inappropriate giggling is a family trait - he's just asked a couple of friends to go to the catholic mass part which will be in Thai in case he got the giggles then.

He went off with the carer to the crematorium and was a bit taken aback when explained to him that you go back the next day to get the ashes and bones when they have cooled down. His reaction was what mine would have been , no don't want the bones thank you. However the carer (who has been exceptional and was awake for over 24 hours yesterday) pretty much burst into tears and said you can't leave them.

So now it is catholic mass, drive to crematorium for Thai Buddhist cremation (hence monks, there will be chanting). The next day they pick up bones and ashes. Bones go to a bridge and all the care home staff will be there to have a ceremony, send her down the river then off for a meal. Final phase will be ashes to Germany to meet up and German part of the family.

They don't seem to have undertakers so he has been driving around trying to buy a coffin but shop shut before he got there as stuck in traffic. He's booked the car for the various legs of the journey plus sorted flowers from us, the DC and Dad.

Gosh, SugarPlum, that sounds so much easier to arrange than a funeral here, and much quicker. The bridge ceremony sounds lovely (I would have been with you on the not wanting to pick them up) Sounds like your DB came up with the goods in the end, which is great.

Wow SPT. That is different. Your poor brother- he is earning his stripes after so long. Hope you are feeling a sense of release along with the other mix of emotions. Take care.

A sense of release is starting to creep in. Bit worried about my Dad though, he sounded very old and frail when I told him. Then yesterday it sounds like he had to sit with my Aunt waiting for the doctor then go into hospital with her, on top of a plumbing emergency. My cousin has a history of taking the piss (. Once went to play golf leaving Dad to pick Aunt up and bring her back from hospital which is not easy due to parking. If he continues I will be having words.

Oh no SugarPlum. Not what you need right now.

Oh SPT. Just when your batteries must be on emergency tank. Poor DF.
Take care.