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Elderly parents
Original poster

Deteriorating again in hospital

182 replies

Theas18 · 11/01/2015 18:32

Argh.
Mum was ok on fri having gone in xmas eve. Plans afoot to get her back on wafarin after the weeken and home ASAP.

Yesterday coughing lots and mysteriously on oxygen. Sta,paed my foot a bit and insisted on seeing a doc. What point is " they'll be here Monday " ? No that not ok. She's not okNOW ! Anyway. Seen and xrayed " don't think its infection ".... Yeah right

Today she's much worse. Away with the faries ( not her at all) scrabbling at the bedding etc. Had oral antibiotic at 3pm but thatsnt going to work fast enough is it? Awaiting more bloods and another doc review.

Darent leave. :(

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 01/02/2015 14:52

I'm very very sorry to hear that Thea.

twentyten · 01/02/2015 15:26

So very sorry thea.

PingPongBat · 01/02/2015 17:12

Thanks Thanks Thea. really sorry.

TchaikovskyForTea · 01/02/2015 18:16

I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum is more unwell Theas. Xx

Original poster
Theas18 · 01/02/2015 22:09

Thanks all it helps to know you you are thinking if me.

Gradually ?orse. Very little voice though what she says is coherent.

Had to feed her/ help her eat a few mouthfuls of jelly and her stagger to the loo was agonising. She had to sit in the chair and I had to get help to get her into bed. She just couldn't go the last few inches.

Most upsetting today - friends who say " just shout if there is anything we can do... And I shouted for the 1st time ever- and no help came :( well it sort of did but a better emergency of some sort trumped mine.

I do however have the best mil in the world. I shall post in chat about that .

DH willing but taking his bloody choir from from school to an event.

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SecretSquirrels · 02/02/2015 14:18

Just wanted to say Flowers.
It's draining emotionally and physically dealing with this sort of thing over a long period of time. I'm sorry those friends let you down, but next time anyone offers help ask, don't be put off by this. In fact could you think of something in advance that would be a real help? It's something I have said to people before and meant it. We should all have someone who would drop everything for us in an emergency.
Maybe you need to stamp your feet a bit with DH? He sounds like mine. Would fly to the moon for me if asked but doesn't do emotional support.

I'd love to see a good MIL thread. I always go on MIL threads to say mine was an angel (as a mother of boys MN makes me dread being a MIL).

I was going to say chin up but I fear you are doing too much of that.

MrsMot · 02/02/2015 21:15

Did you manage to get your dad there today?

Hope you had some time all together Flowers

Original poster
Theas18 · 02/02/2015 21:39

Mrsmot my lovely MIL and I did get dad there on Sunday afternoon yes. She was such a help with all the one sided chat as neither of them can talk now really and had " new news" ( if you are there every 2-3 days there is bugger all else you do except visit and work -even allowing for news from the kids ).

Not really sure what dad is taking in. He seems to have such word finding difficulties now. Can do anything more that show him I guess and he holds her hand.

My sis is over now ( phew!). We've been de cluttering by FaceTime which is quite funny.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 03/02/2015 09:58

Glad you've got your sister sharing the burden with you now.

Maybe the FaceTime decluttering would be enhanced by Wine

Original poster
Theas18 · 03/02/2015 21:21

Gawd sharing the burden is so much less stressy!

I slept last night for the 1stime in ages. We've de cluttered loads but not so they would notice if they did get home. Home recorded telly tubbies, boxes of little bags of air, coats they bought before I left home some of the 2nd tow of cheap paperbacks from shelves, food from Safeway ( remember when they went bust?) .

Now eating Chinese , drinking prosecco and watching the constant gardener!

Mum showered and hair washed by my clearly more effective sister ate a huge dinner ( for her)of a whole jelly pot and some cauliflower cheese!

Under no illusions she's better - bloods are still rough. Hoping she fools them long enough to get home.

Found a home for dad though

OP posts:
twentyten · 03/02/2015 22:07

Good to hear support is helping. Sleep well.

MrsMcGregor · 03/02/2015 23:23

Glad to hear you're sleeping better! Can empathise re de cluttering ... have been doing the same at Mum's over the last week or two and go from feeling weepy to being astounded at what we stumble across! You do sound cheerier ... how long can DSIs stay for?

Original poster
Theas18 · 07/02/2015 08:51

Well we've finally had " the chat" though the doc didn't actually say " she's dying" which was a bit daft.

Strangely ok with this as it's been barn door apparent for ages. Just want to get her out if hospital though to somewhere nicer before the final deterioration hits.

Ignoring her blood tests ( why are they doing them?) which are very crap, she's reasonally ok at times - ate a bit, told the nurse she didn't really like the fortisip (she has no voice left!) shuffled to the loo etc. Confused at times - you can't wioe you bum then your nose with the same tissue mum! But not always.

The uni kids coming today. So so glad that fate chucked them to the same uni. dS I think might take it all hardest :(

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 07/02/2015 12:00

Thea I am so sorry Flowers Thinking of you.

ajandjjmum · 07/02/2015 13:12

Hope it's a good weekend for you all Thea.

twentyten · 07/02/2015 13:23

So sorry to hear that Thea. It is so hard. Would it be worth thinking about a hospice? I visited our local one this week- I'm involved as a volunteer working with trustees- and was amazed at the range of services and support they offer for patients and families- it felt light and happy in an odd way too. otoh my mil spent her last few weeks in a nursing home which could have not been more caring.
Look after yourself.
BrewBrew To everyone else.

Original poster
Theas18 · 07/02/2015 14:02

Twenty ten hospice would be ideal and I suggested it to the hospital but they were meh - " let's think on Monday " about it. We are going to look in today to see if we can push it .
I think they are thinking they'll just leave he in hosp and I really don't want that

OP posts:
SecretSquirrels · 07/02/2015 14:37

Thea do you know your local hospice? Is it worth approaching them first? When my DF was given a very short terminal prognosis the hospice had no beds free but they took him for days until a bed became available.

twentyten · 07/02/2015 16:01

Thea don't get fobbed off. Hospices are brilliant at taking so much off your shoulders and giving you all and your mum the best- pain relief, care and space. Good luck. BrewBrew

Original poster
Theas18 · 07/02/2015 17:58

We've been to the hospice and spoken to them. She needs a referral which can't be done till Monday ?? and they are full. But maybe when the norovirus status changes and she can get out who knows...hopeful. They showed us round.

It would also be pragmatic for thrm to take her at th home that dad is at in the " rehab" part and that might be ok if they can be flexible re " rehab". That's soc services hosp referral.

I have a reserve plan too- if she can't get out of hosp maybe the haematology ward she loves will take her

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Original poster
Theas18 · 07/02/2015 18:22

Oh but today she might have a terminal prognosis but today she was still definitely my mother....

Bought myself a gillet in the Cath kidston factory shop. Not only did she admire it and say " did you buy me one" but I ended up leaving it with her " it would be so cosy to wear sat here" Grin

That is sooooo her!

OP posts:
twentyten · 07/02/2015 18:37

Oh thea! So glad you gave got plans- and I love the story about the gilet! Look after yourself

MrsMcGregor · 07/02/2015 18:37

Like mother like daughter ... you seem to share the strength of character that your Mum has which you describe to us! Am sure she's very proud of you, that they both are. Funny re the gilet. Make the most of the time she has left, especially when she can still talk a little and understand too. Will your sister still be around for meetings with medical staff on Monday? It would be nice for you to be able to support one another whilst you sort things out. ((hugs))

Original poster
Theas18 · 08/02/2015 23:19

Well. But more confused (well some daft nurse had sat her in the bed in the side away from her chair and table , and she has v poor vision so it's not surprising she thought maybe she'd been moved!). Very tired.

Elder kids over yesterday, dd2 and DH today. Still pleased to see everyone.

Very annoyed with the ward again. They have been " closed" due to norovirus since about tues/ wed again. If you've followed all this you'll know they say " 10 mins only" which not only seems pointless but isn't enforced . No gloves / aprons nothing. But today as we took dad in ( in a wheelchair) they got arsey with my sister and basically told her off for bringing him! (I was parking the car) Bugger that. He's not worked out what's going on and he needs to see her. His home are aware. Mum isn't infected, and there isn't even anyone in the bay with it. We gel his hands and he isn't wandering touching stuff or people on the ward. It's just being arsey!

Best vibes, prayers and everything else for tomorrow. I need to see the consultant and sort things out with my professional unemotional hat on. I understand they aren't supposed to send her out to residential care till the ward is " free of infection" which probably means they won't agree to anything other than going home- which won't happen without something like CHC funding for 24hr care/ night sitters and even then I can't see it. Apart from anything else im bloody useless at personal care stuff and have a job im supposed to be doing 90 mins away.

A bed on her lovely haematology ward for terminal care - they could do that couldnt they maybe? Or could CHC funding cover a private room if they have them? It's not fair to leave her in a 4 bedded bay where care has only got right when we went to pals and they won't even let her husband visit ?

Sis going home @ 3am

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Original poster
Theas18 · 08/02/2015 23:20

Ah yes she was wearing the Gillet when we arrived !

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