Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Deteriorating again in hospital

182 replies

Theas18 · 11/01/2015 18:32

Argh.
Mum was ok on fri having gone in xmas eve. Plans afoot to get her back on wafarin after the weeken and home ASAP.

Yesterday coughing lots and mysteriously on oxygen. Sta,paed my foot a bit and insisted on seeing a doc. What point is " they'll be here Monday " ? No that not ok. She's not okNOW ! Anyway. Seen and xrayed " don't think its infection ".... Yeah right

Today she's much worse. Away with the faries ( not her at all) scrabbling at the bedding etc. Had oral antibiotic at 3pm but thatsnt going to work fast enough is it? Awaiting more bloods and another doc review.

Darent leave. :(

OP posts:
MrsMcGregor · 18/01/2015 23:02

Just catching up over here ... well done you .... again!

Needmoresleep · 19/01/2015 09:15

Is there any chance of sitting down with your employer and discussing the situation and likely future calls on your time. From my experience and that of other's I know, a lot can depend on whether a particular boss has been through similar themselves. Perhaps you could consider reducing your hours, perhaps working one day a week less, until things are resolved, as well as agreement on what they can cope with in a crisis.

A day a week would give you time for your parents without eating into family time too much. I had four months of 5 hours round trips esch weekend when my father was dying. I was OK juggling a full time job and family commitments, but parents were one ball too many. If you are lucky and have someone sympathetic and constructive to talk to, you stand a chance of meeting reduced commitments to everyone and not ending up feeling that you are letting everyone down. I ended up completey drained, with a couple of health issues which could almost directly be attributable to stress.

Original poster
Theas18 · 19/01/2015 10:19

Thanks needmore sleep. I'm actually a partner and that makes it easier but also twangs the guilt stronger !

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 19/01/2015 10:39

In which case think how you would respond if one of your staff came to you in similar circumstances and put their cards on the table.

My guess is that you would look to the medium/long term and decide that that constructive help now would pay off in the future. You would not want them tired, stressed, resentful and operating at lower efficiency.

You wont get the time back with either your parents or your children. In the short term you probably can't juggle it all. If you can acknowledge that in the short term you need to balance conflicting priorities, and find a sensible way to do it, it might help everyone.

twentyten · 19/01/2015 16:16

Hi thea. Some really good advice from nms- how would you respond to a staff member? This is going to be a marathon howver things go- one thing I've learnt the hard way is the need to have "margin" the luxury of spare capacity ( created by reducing work commitments and also earnings) which gives some space to recharge and is there for crises. Take care.

Original poster
Theas18 · 19/01/2015 17:13

You are so correct. Looks like perhaps I need to use some holiday for Monday's off or something as Monday's are always the crunch point ( I already have fri off) . But depressing to think of using thrm this early in the year though !

For the record 1hr 45 mins waiting for doc today. Lovely when she arrived but knew less than I did - again admitted shes only met her today though again honesty is a virtue.

Hoping yo see the geriatrician wed.

OP posts:
lalamumto3 · 20/01/2015 09:21

Hi Thea
Is your mum stable enough to move ? Just a thought and I'm not sure if it is feasible, but if she is going to be in hospital for a while is there any way she could be moved nearer to you?
Having been in your situation, my Mum was at one time, over one and half hours away, including long trip on M25, it was so very different when she was in hospital nearer as we could get there quickly and pop in and out to see her.
X

Original poster
Theas18 · 20/01/2015 16:29

lala she could be moved I guess but that takes her away from her friends ( she still has someone visit her a couple of times a week at least) and Dads regular respite placement so whilst it would be better for me it wouldn't be for her :(

Despite my plans to take this week off I'm back in work. Couldn't justify putting everyone else under extra strain when she was relatively settled. Knackered though! And of course no house work etc done really as DH been busy too.

Dsis coming over early Feb from Spain.

OP posts:
twentyten · 20/01/2015 16:57

Hi. Glad to hear your mum is more stable. Can you get help with housework? Please try and get some you time.

ajandjjmum · 21/01/2015 07:46

Stuff the housework. Concentrate on yourself and your Mum. Hope today is a good day. Flowers

At least your sis will be over soon to share the pressure.

Original poster
Theas18 · 21/01/2015 08:01

Thanks ajandjj . I'm quite good at " stuff the house work " lol.

Going over today and hoping to see the geri consultant. We will see.

OP posts:
PingPongBat · 21/01/2015 09:35

Hope today is a good one Thanks make sure you take some time for you if you can.

Original poster
Theas18 · 21/01/2015 17:51

Well... Conflicted is today's emotion!

I should be there now but they called earlier. Ward closed due to possible norovirus. " you could come but you'd only be allowed in for 10 mins" which sounds like a stupidtastic rule to me - what you're not going to catch / spread it around in 10 mins but 11 you might?

So I haven't gone - 3hrs drive for 10 mins contact isn't worth it with. 7am start tomorrow.

The consultant was supposed to be ringing me..... 17.51 now. Hmm.

OP posts:
Unidentifieditem · 21/01/2015 18:06

If you have the energy please raise all these concerns with CQC. Even the idiotic noro thing. I think they're failing their patients horribly Sad

twentyten · 23/01/2015 22:58

How are you and your mum doing? Take careThanksThanks

Original poster
Theas18 · 24/01/2015 20:06

Well...

I'm taking advantage of the enforced break. Car mot done ( due wed, phew), optician done ( I'd run out of contact lenses and they wouldn't let me have more it was so overdue!). Lunch out belatedly for DH birthday too.

Even managed to sleep a bit and go to my knitting group !

Mum apparently " doing well" . Had another transfusion yesterday though. Still noro on ward but she's free of it so far.

Feel guilty about not seeing her but keep telling myself that's not my problem to feel bad about lol

OP posts:
PingPongBat · 24/01/2015 20:15

Really glad to hear your mum is doing well, and if you are also having some 'me time', then it's all good. Even if some of the 'me time' is on the fairly mundane chores in life, I always find it feels good to get them out of the way so I'm not worrying about them all the time. I managed to get out last night for a meal with friends, it was a bit of a struggle & one of them noted how tired I was looking, but it was still good to get out.

twentyten · 24/01/2015 22:26

Glad to hear you're taking time out- even for the boring stuff of life. Take care.

Original poster
Theas18 · 27/01/2015 22:35

Well still locked down with bloody noro!

Am going tomorrow for my 10 mins after work. Haven't been for 10 days and the guilt is overwhelming. She's clearly confused at times. We had a right panic yesterday as - follow this carefully .....

BIL ( in Spain) had an email from his uk office saying " Lizzie called and wanted to tell you Mum left a message she's feeling really bad and wants you to visit" ...... He's in Spain and anyway visiting is restricted... And we know no Lizzie.... And the office isn't even listed in her hosp contacts.

Had to get pals to investigate - apparently Lizzie was some do good interfering relative of another patient who called the office from mums phone ! Do these people know the mess they create?

The message made me feel so bad. I've been calling daily and they are supposedly passing my messages on. I spoke to mum today - well she croaked in audibly and I just told her I'd be there tomorrow - waah!

At least my sis is over next week. We better look at homes ...

OP posts:
PingPongBat · 27/01/2015 22:47

Oh fgs that's all you need - well meaning people causing havoc...

I know what you mean about guilt - I felt awful leaving mum on Sunday evening, she clearly didn't want me to go but I had to come home to get ready for the week ahead. And DB no 2 also felt bad leaving her y'day evening after a short visit.

twentyten · 28/01/2015 09:04

Sorry to hear thea and ping pong. Be kind to yourselves.

Original poster
Theas18 · 28/01/2015 21:04

Gawd no I have my aunt leaving messages saying mum wants someone to visit ! I think she just must he confused at times but it's really upsetting. She knows the ward is closed.

Anyway went over today. Apparently she can't get my mobile but everyone else can ....

She's less well again. Chest pain with abnormal bloods that could mean an mi but more than likely mean one of her many other problems has affected the test. I can hardly get my head round how much better the weekday response to deterioration is. She's had a scan no exclude a pe and everything. The verdict is back on antibiotics. She has diarrhoea too ??

Clearly " the ward is closed means nothing. I could have stayed ages, though there were less visitors there were some.

Found out the cause of the odd message the other day - the lady across the bay has " adopted " her but isn't as helpful as she thinks she is. She even called the hospital on her mobile to " get someone down here now and move this screaming lady out of our bay "??

OP posts:
Original poster
Theas18 · 31/01/2015 23:21

Went yesterday . Deteriorating again. This time slowly despite her weekday team being on the ball.

She can't really speak now - to hoarse/ dry mouthed/ breathless.

That's kind of hit hardest actually I now can't, and probably never will hold a conversation with either of my parents again :(

Taking dad again tomorrow

OP posts:
MrsMot · 01/02/2015 12:30

Oh Theas sorry to hear that Sad

CMOTDibbler · 01/02/2015 14:12

Really sorry to hear that Theas.