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Elderly parents
Original poster

Deteriorating again in hospital

182 replies

Theas18 · 11/01/2015 18:32

Argh.
Mum was ok on fri having gone in xmas eve. Plans afoot to get her back on wafarin after the weeken and home ASAP.

Yesterday coughing lots and mysteriously on oxygen. Sta,paed my foot a bit and insisted on seeing a doc. What point is " they'll be here Monday " ? No that not ok. She's not okNOW ! Anyway. Seen and xrayed " don't think its infection ".... Yeah right

Today she's much worse. Away with the faries ( not her at all) scrabbling at the bedding etc. Had oral antibiotic at 3pm but thatsnt going to work fast enough is it? Awaiting more bloods and another doc review.

Darent leave. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Theas18 · 15/01/2015 16:48

Thanks all. I'm starting to feel really alone here. DH is supportive of course but everyone turns to me as I'm medical and I have to make all the decisions.... Mostly that's been OK but I can't do this alone. I have called the haematology doc who I really respect to see if he'll meet me tomorrow to assess things and put a plan in place- as I am terrified of the weekend without the ward team again.

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Jellibelli · 16/01/2015 11:02

Hope the meeting with haematology doc goes ahead today and you are a little relieved from that sole burden of responsibility you are lugging around.

Not really understanding the whole lack of care over the weekend, do all the 'experts' and 'decision makers' clock on Friday until Monday? Really? [Shock] that's shocking !!

Needmoresleep · 16/01/2015 11:45

I hope you got your meeting.

The sense of responsibility is huge. And when you are in the middle, it is hard to gain perspective. My mother's priest was kind enough to report that she had told him she had had enough. Useful in that I feel I have someone to consult if and when there is a health crisis, and I need to consider levels of intervention. Having a medical background is helpful, but it is completely understandable to want some hand holding and a detached view on what might be done and what would be too much.

examnewbie · 16/01/2015 11:48

If the doctor is really nice and can see you are knowledgeable and reasonable can he/she not leave message on notes that he WANTS to be called if you ask for this? You don't need last weekends chaos again.

Original poster
Theas18 · 16/01/2015 17:58

Grandchild therapy - powerful medicine.

She's been discussing PhD applications perfectly lucidly with the eldest and looking like she's still got a spark of her going strong.
But she's had another gi bleed and a normal endoscopy.
Excellent chat with the haematologist but no decisions made except to keep fighting for her at the moment - and that I probably won't go to work next week. Can't carry on doing everything.

Deteriorating again in hospital
OP posts:
didireallysaythat · 16/01/2015 18:06

So glad your children had a good visit - it's amazing how a visit can make you rally. Hope you have a weekend with all the assistance and medical input you need - you really are doing the best for your family and should derive some comfort or pride from this. No matter what happens you are absolutely doing your best.

Yddraigoldragon · 16/01/2015 18:07

Hiya, found you! Sending you hugs and strength!

MrsMcGregor · 16/01/2015 18:32

Hugs from me too .... lovely, precious photo. Glad you're taking next week off - you can't do everything. Crossing everything that this weekend won't be a repeat of last.

twentyten · 16/01/2015 19:36

Sending ThanksThanks too. Look after yourself.

Lucylouby · 16/01/2015 20:28

I found the thread. (I'm on hayday) I'm glad your mum has rallied having family around her. If you need to be there for your mum, work will have to come second for a while. Make sure you make time for yourself amongst all the pressure to help you stay strong. It sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job fighting your mums corner.

whataboutbob · 16/01/2015 22:10

Aaaaaah. Gorgeous kids- and mum looks cool too!

LuluJakey1 · 16/01/2015 22:23

It is so tough. I was in the same place with my mum this time last year. She had stage iv kidney failure, aortic stenosis and other less serious problems but which added to the overall picture. She had had problems every sixth months or so where everything would get out of balance, she would start retainng fluid which would putpressure on her heart andlungs. She was very anaemic because of. her kidney problems which caused further breathlessness and periodically needed a transfusion.
We reached the end point last January where everything just gave up over a two week period in hospital. I thought they would stabilise her as they had every other time but she had no reserves left and they just couldn't. They discussed palliative care with me- but had not given up quite on seeing what they could do. She died in her sleep that night.
It was so hard and I knew it was coming but never wanted it to arrive.
I do hope your mum responds Flowers

Original poster
Theas18 · 17/01/2015 21:37

Much the same today - looked awful lying down and ok when sitting up. Ate a yoghurt. Crap junior doc made a poor assessment sadly just before I got there and then when explained to the nurse that I needed to talk to him as I thought he might have missed a critical element of her past history and management over the past few days he basically did a runner to " an emergency " ( next time I will sit at the door off the ward to block escape). The suggestion that I'd like to right a message down explaining this as he didn't return panicked the nurses into lots of bleeping but no response. So I wrote on the back of her old menu and photographed it for a record!

Took dad. He's not good either - mobility is really poor and he's feeling miserable in himself :(

I thought I'd be able to go home tonight but not. Something tells me not to have a drink either but I'm so tired.

going to try to do something positive tomorrow morning in the house.

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lalamumto3 · 17/01/2015 21:49

Just sending you some Mumsnet support, I know what it feels like to sit next to your mum in hospital, but it must be very hard when you are medical as well. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself as well.

Hope that she improves
X

Original poster
Theas18 · 17/01/2015 22:12

Thanks lala. DH has offered to come over tomorrow but apart from holding my hand I don't know what he could do and he's got to work next week too.

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twentyten · 18/01/2015 08:40

So sorry to hear this. Could you and dh just grab a coffee somewhere nice or a bit of a walk? This is a marathon-please look after yourself.

Jellibelli · 18/01/2015 09:32

I would get DH to come with you, although he may defer to you about 'stuff' with your background, you will not be alone physically. I would take comfort from Dh being with me.

Hope mum has managed to eat a little more. (((((Hugs))))) and take time for yourself, even if just in a small way.

Original poster
Theas18 · 18/01/2015 09:34

I've asked dh to come over. I realised he probably needs to see mum too and by keeping him home I'm being unfair to him. its a long way to drive just for a few hours but it's what I've been doing !

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LuluJakey1 · 18/01/2015 10:06

Hope today is a better day.

I presume they are doing bloods every day. Are they showing deterioration or are they stable or improving?

It is hard to be by yourself but in some ways easier because you develop a way of managing it all and someone else being there unsettles that. I was the same with my DH. For me it was about controlling things- I am a bit of a control freak when I am stressed. But he loved my mum and he wanted to spend time with here and she loved seeing him- he kept her entertained and he was a bit of normality for her. For me he unsettled my emotional control of myself.

TchaikovskyForTea · 18/01/2015 10:37

I've been through the experience of not being listened to with a critically ill child and feeling so helpless. I'm horrified that this can be happening even with your medic status! I sincerely hope you are listened to today and your Mum receives the treatment she needs.
Thinking of you. Xx

lalamumto3 · 18/01/2015 15:21

I hope that today is going better, it is really hard when you have a long drive to get to hospital, i used to have that several years ago. I was really lucky that my Mum then moved close to me a couple of years ago and so I only had a short drive when she was receiving end of life care in hospital, sadly she died last week.

luckily I had friends who were medical at the hospital, I found it a huge help that they explained and advised me and as I am not medical I did not feel that I had to act as both her doctor and her daughter. look after yourself, take time out to get a cup of tea etc, it will help you stay strong.
Thinking of you and wishing you all well.
X

Original poster
Theas18 · 18/01/2015 20:27

Well, interesting. I think someone might have read my note that I left last night (it was entirely factual - i kept all emotion out of it ) and she's had good doses of diuretic for the fluid on her lungs and transfusion for the anaemia ...
As a result she's looking pretty amazing for her - hope it's sustained and we get her out asap but nothing is certain is it.
DH came over and entertained her too and we had a romantic dinner a deux in the cafe !
I might even get some sleep tonight and of course I'm feeling really guilty re work as of course it's bound to happen again ...

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LuluJakey1 · 18/01/2015 20:36

Well that sounds like progress. Hope you get a good night's sleep and things continue to go well tomorrow.

twentyten · 18/01/2015 20:57

Good to hear!

lalamumto3 · 18/01/2015 21:49

So pleased to hear, hope life starts to get back to normal soon.