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Elderly parents
Original poster

Responsibility for Elderly Parents? Support thread right here!

997 replies

Needmoresleep · 01/09/2014 09:08

Several of us are on the same journey. Some more difficult than others, some longer than others, but none easy. Feel free to share tears, rants or laughter with others who will understand.

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 19/02/2015 17:29

Gure reise CMOT! Not the most inspiring bit of Germany. I have roots in a scenic bit of the Rhines and. Hope very much you are flying back into some semblance of calm.

SugarPlumTree · 19/02/2015 17:30

Flaming phone, gute reise !

stottiecake · 19/02/2015 23:39

hello! please could I join you? I am the main support for my 80yo mum who has Alzheimers. she is living at home and is doing really well but its upsetting at times for all of us (brother and my dh and my ds') I am grateful she is still here and coping. I try not to think too much into the future. Smile

stottiecake · 19/02/2015 23:52

sorry about the smiley - its not right at all!

twentyten · 20/02/2015 10:12

Welcome stottie to the club no one wants to be in. Feel free to vent, ask advice or have a moan. Loads of experience here.
My dmil developed dementia about 3 years ago and died last October( not of it)- it's a horrible illness but there are ideas and suggestions to help from others here. And it's trying to find a way to look after yourself and your dc through it. BrewBrew To you.

twentyten · 20/02/2015 10:18

SSC- well my db who I last saw 10 years ago(!) responded to my text to tell him we are planning dm's 90th and asked him to call her- ( she didn't know I poked him to call) he did. She hasn't seen him for 21/2 years- he phones her every 3 months or so. 50 miles away. Hasn't seen his kids for 10 years.
Dm told me with great import that db had phoned and she had invited him......( no acknowledgement from him to me of course) so now we have the prospect of him and his family turning up and being the centre of attention from everyone..... Of course I will deal with it all as always but.....grrrrrrrrrr. Nod and smile. Brew

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 20/02/2015 10:28

Welcome Bigblue, Saturn and stottie.
I feel a bit like a lifer as I have been round for a couple of years and could be around for another decade. My mums general health is great. Pity she does not remember what she had for lunch. I am pleased I have good company.

Bigblue, I would first check with your mother and then be open with your sister. Your mother needs the money she has to pay for future care and unforesee events. Repeated requests are upsetting her. What is the worst that can happen. Your sister goes off in a huff, when she was not there anyway. Or gets cross with your mother. Yes you are the bad guy, but honestly whatever you do, you end up being the bad guy. (Yeah SSC club!)

Saturn and stottie its not easy. Saturn your position sounds really difficult. Please post if there are practical or other issues that tohers may be able to help with. You can only do what you can, and need to look after both your children and yourself. And stottie the slow death that is dementia is particuarly depressing. Please share ups and downs. The smiley was fine. There are good, and funny, moments. Are there any snowdrops near you. We saw a huge display last weekend, suggesting spring might be on the way.

OP posts:
twentyten · 20/02/2015 17:09

Just wondered how thea was doing? ThanksThanks And WineWineto everyone on this journey.

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 20/02/2015 17:19

And Pingpongbat. And I also hope that the funeral etc is going ok for tenderbuttons.

OP posts:
PingPongBat · 20/02/2015 22:15

She's gone. Peacefully, quietly, with Dad & I by her side.

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 20/02/2015 22:33

PingPong. I am so sorry. However peace at last. Many condolences to you and your family.

OP posts:
SugarPlumTree · 21/02/2015 07:03

I'm so sorry Pingpong FlowersFlowersFlowers Thinking of you all .

My thoughts are also with Tender and Thea.

ajandjjmum · 21/02/2015 07:59

Pingpong Flowers

CMOTDibbler · 21/02/2015 11:36

I'm so sorry PingPong.

My mum is on her way to A&E now - probably either a TIA/stroke or another of the temporal seizure type things as she is pretty non responsive, can't get up (was stuck on the loo in the night) etc. The paramedics phoned me to ask what I thought, and to say they didn't think they were coping as dad seemed very unwell.

twentyten · 21/02/2015 12:35

Oh pingpong. I am so glad you were there. Rest in peace pingpongs mum.ThanksThanks To you pingpong.
And thinking of you all- cmot,sugar, tender, what about,thea- and those I have missed.

SugarPlumTree · 21/02/2015 12:57

Oh CMOT I am sorry Sad it is relentless at times. Maybe the fact the Paramedics have stated their opinion might help with getting further care.

My Mother had rallied masdively from her various infections and is currently complying with treatment plus has clicked with Physio so kind of back on her feet. Which considering what she waz lime a few weeks ago is pretty amazing.The Dementia is progressing though, she didn't recognise me on the phone and when I said it was me she said it wasn't. Mentally quite totured too, sayjng she finds it hard to know what is real and what isn't. Moving day to Dementia unit soon though Brother has said today he is going to try and get her over to Thailand soon. I'm waiting to see how everything pans out.

CMOTDibbler · 21/02/2015 18:32

Panic over. It was obviously another episode like the others. When I spoke to the (very nice) Dr who'd been looking after her, he was very honest and said she was a challenge to assess but all tests were negative, and she'd come round by 3pm and was able to walk again.

Sugar, thats fantastic that your mum is complying now. She's incredibly strong isn't she.

whataboutbob · 21/02/2015 20:59

My condolences PingPong. Wishing you strength for the days ahead, and some peace too once all the necessary work has been done. You were there for your mother.

whataboutbob · 21/02/2015 21:02

CMOT just sending supportive thoughts, it is incredibly hard and draining to be on standby all the time, knowing that there will be more phone calls, more crises. Until dad got all day carers (one year ago now)that was what it was like for me. Not with physical crises, but with incident after incident caused by his dementia, restlessness and sometimes his aggressive outbursts towards the public. I still have that underlying fear every time the phone goes. Crises still happen, but not as frequently.

stottiecake · 22/02/2015 08:33

sending Thanks Thanks Thanks to all those who are having a particularly worrying time at the moment. My condolences to pingpong - I'm so sorry to read about your mum x

PingPongBat · 22/02/2015 19:05

Thank you for your kind posts, everyone.

Sending strength to all of you who continue to support your parents. I'll be here again with tales of my dad, no doubt. Thankfully he's in good health but is terribly lonely, so I'm spending lots of time with him. We've been laughing and crying today - lots more of that to come, I guess.

Original poster
Needmoresleep · 27/02/2015 12:46

A solution to care problems?

www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/feb/27/robear-bear-shaped-nursing-care-robot

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 27/02/2015 13:26

Oh Brave New World. I find the concept horrifying.

SugarPlumTree · 27/02/2015 14:31

I think Robo Bear would meet its match with my Mother. I'd get a phone call from the NH saying she has given it a robotic breakdown.

Do the people who come up with these things actually have elderly relatives ?

whataboutbob · 28/02/2015 10:25

Ha ha ha SPT! One contact with your mother and his circuits would start shorting!

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