A teacher smacked my child

[Xmumof3xo]

I really need some advice I’m in the uk
My son is 7 he has a diagnosis on dyspraxia, he’s going for a ADHD and autism assessment..
So today I picked him up from school, he was quite upset, he has said his class teacher has smacked him on his hand twice, quite hard and it has really upset him, he was messing with some building cubes and the teacher became angry at him and did a “cross face”.
I have rang the school, I am really angry about this.
The school office said “I don’t see that happening”, I made it very clear as to why he would lie my son is a big believer in god and he doesn’t like lying, the head teacher came on the phone and said she’s going launch a investigation.
After everything that has happened with this school, the constant shouting at him, making him stand in the corridor door and the constant belittling I have no faith in them.
I have done a EHCP as the school has refused it 4 times, I have already changed his school as he’s constantly being bullied, he came home with horrific injuries in his old school and now the teachers are bullying him. Please help me, I am close to homeschooling him but he has made it clear he loves going to his friends and loves his routine, who else can I go to, I’m so scared of making his life harder at school but this can’t go on anymore, I am fuming, I’ve had so many meetings about the behaviour of his teachers, they say he’s “too sensitive”. Everything calmed down until today, but this time she has physically hurt my child and I ain’t letting it slip, he is not going school tomorrow until I am happy about the outcome of this “investigation”

If OP’s son is likely autistic, it’s likely he takes things very literally, and is probably likely to be as truthful as he possibly can be.

I believe you OP.

Don’t do anything drastic yet - wait for the investigation and push for the assessment. Write down any evidence you think may be useful for either. I’m sorry you and your DS are going through this.

OP I agree with this, he may not be lying as such, to him it may very much have felt like a smack but seven year olds are very prone to over exaggerating and I think you do need to open your eyes to this being a possibility.

I hope you get to the bottom of this, please stay calm and let a thorough investigation take place because if it turns out not to be the case that this teacher did this, it will be an incredibly difficult time for her.

Children exaggerate and lie...all children do this regardless if they are ND or not. It might just be to a varying degree. Religion is irrelevant in my opinion, that's more or less saying that my child won't lie because they attend a faith school but a child who doesn't, will lie.

I've worked in schools for 15 years and also have a son myself, so I speak from experience. Children who are ND may see a situation differently to a child who isn't.

The school have a duty to investigate, and should do this thoroughly. If another child has disclosed information to a parent, regarding the situation, then the parent needs to inform the school formally. As it currently stands, it's heresy. The school need to find out the facts, before making a decision.

Yes, there can be a bad egg in schools the same as any other profession. I would find it hard to believe a teacher smacked a child in class, in front of other children though.

Surely he wouldn't be able to articulate his thoughts on what has happened if that is true. My son is four and like a two year old. No way would he be able to vocalise all this. He only says one words.

How can a child this age be a big believer in God . Who has indoctrinated him ! I think it's highly unlikely a teacher would smack him in front of the class . Is there a possibility that he is badly behaved and you are not seeing it . It's strange that it's always someone else or some other school w h o is at fault .

Don't take this the wrong way OP but have you had your mental health checked with a doctor? Just how you talk about "devils door" etc. I do understand how difficult it is to look after an autistic child and the mental health toll it takes.

@Xmumof3xo can you explain the brain age of a one year old comment

Although I think there should be an investigation, I do think the child is probably lying. Not necessarily intentionally. But their interpretation doesn't mean the teacher actually hit the child.

But the only way to ascertain this is by investigating.

Surely schools don’t say shit like this?!! Not only would I be removing my child from school but I’d be reporting them.

OP you are perfectly right to be angry and to lodge a formal complaint with the school and the governors if you are fobbed off.

You know your child best and no teacher should loser their temper like this and smack a child.

I think children with disabilities and/or neurodivergent children are especially vulnerable because as you are witnessing here people tend to ignore what they say and talk about them misbehaving instead.

I have no idea why so many people commenting are being dismissive. I can only assume they work in schools and will do anything to minimise poor behaviour by staff.

@ClairDeLaLune autisitc people can lie, my husband is autistic, was non verbal till 7 and can still tell a lie, and could as a child.

I think we've reached a stage where there needs to be cameras in every classroom. I doubt it's exactly as he described it to you. More like she tapped or forcefully pulled the blocks out of his hand because he repeatedly ignored her when she asked him to leave them alone. Every teacher knows actually smacking a child would be an instant career ender, although I understand at times why they would be sorely tempted.

But given you've already moved his school once and the same problems seem to be following him to the new school then I'd say it's time to remove him and HE him. There comes a time when you must acknowledge that the common denominator in all these problems is him, not the school, the teachers and not the other pupils.

@Greenwitchart it should definitely be investigated but the most likely scenario is that the teacher tapped or moved the child’s hand or took the Lego and the child has interpreted that as a smack. Not saying the teacher couldn’t have hit the child but that is probably the least likely scenario in this day and age

Kindly, 'he won't lie as it's a Catholic school'???
I attended a very strict Catholic school and alot of lies took place there.
You need to remove your prejudices. I am not saying your child is a liar but things can be misinterpreted.

Do they really talk about the devil in schools now?! I’m not religious so find that absolutely insane and frankly unacceptable. Madness.

Omg ! This is getting more unbelievable .

I agree it's probably a perception issue.

My teen accused me of shouting at her - I hadn't raised my voice - and other adult in rooms agreeded I hadn't. What I done was change my tone - to I'm done with you fucking around - which she didn't like (though she bloody well deserved at that point in time).

It's not impossible action from a frustrated teacher but given the ramifications to their livihood very unlikely. You've made the complaint and the school with now investigate.

I think you may need to decide if you trust them with your DS or not - it's hard when they school doesn't see clear issues and is unhelpful getting diagnosed - if this is second school with issues - you may need to think about home schooling at least for a bit as a serious option for him.

Op please be careful as all children do lie!!! My 7 year old daughter when she was 5 said that a child had bit her hand. I was obviously concerned as she has bite marks. With a chat to the teacher and another chat to my daughter turns out she bit her own hand as she. Was worried about getting in trouble for something else. Now my daughter is the loveliest girl usually but we were all gob smacked by her cunning in this case. We had to do lots of work with her on honesty being better than making up a lie.

I'm not saying it isn't true for your DS but it could exaggeration and the teacher may have just batted away his hands if he was trying to knock a tower down and a ring hit his hand or something. don't go in all guns blazing and try to ruin a teachers career. Let the head investigate and see what happens.

Agree this is awful language for the school to use!!

Not to dismiss your sons feelings but might he have misinterpreted something? My grandson is eight and is neurodivergent. Yesterday I was moving through the kitchen door at the same time as him and accidentally bumped into him and he described that as me shoving him out of the way! These are two very different things but in his mind that’s what’s happened and if anyone had asked him, he would have said “ grandma pushed me out of the way”😮

Has your son learned that if he complains about things at school he gets lots of positive attention from you. please don’t take him out of school. You’ve said about that. He really enjoys his friendships there.
Work with the school to make things better

I also think it's possibly a misinterpretation.
Your son isn't lying but he might have misinterpreted what happened.

My son said people were attacking him at nursery - he was telling the truth from his perspective but the other children were definitely not attacking him (I know as I was there at some points). I think they were mostly ignoring him in reality. At one point if anything my son was doing the attacking (he wasn't hurting anyone but chasing them pretending) but my son's perception was he was being attacked.

My child has ASD and ADHD and complex needs which mean he couldn't cope at mainstream. When he was 7-10 years old, he would frequently accuse people of having hit him. You could brush past him by accident and he would scream out in pain. He has sensory modulation difficulties related to his SEN that means he feels touch as pain even when it's light touch.
In addition, his perception of events can be very wrong when he's very disregulated. I have literally been in a different room to him and he's shouted "ow, why did you hit me?" He wasn't "lying", he genuinely believed it, but it didn't happen. He often told me staff at school hurt him deliberately. He often told staff at school that I hurt him. That's how he saw it. It wasn't how an adult would read the situation.

I'm not saying that your child is lying, but just that their SEN needs may mean they are overwhelmed at school and seeing situations through that lens.
I don't believe many mainstream classrooms are the right place for ASD/ADHD children.

You dont sound like you have a healthy relatioship with the school and a masive chip on your shoulder about teachers and schools. Maybe consider home schooling

You say you child would never fib as he is in a catholic school. The teachers would though. All of this doesnt make sense. Dont be so naive and this link to religion and keys to devils door. Is this a wind up?

It always amazes me on MN how many comments I see along the lines of “that would never happen because someone would have to be stupid to do such a thing” as if they don’t know that stupid people exist.

Especially re teachers - I must have read “a teacher would never do that” more than a hundred times, as if teachers are somehow incapable of behaving in anything other than their expected job description. People in every single job can be terrible at their job.