A teacher smacked my child

[Xmumof3xo]

I really need some advice I’m in the uk
My son is 7 he has a diagnosis on dyspraxia, he’s going for a ADHD and autism assessment..
So today I picked him up from school, he was quite upset, he has said his class teacher has smacked him on his hand twice, quite hard and it has really upset him, he was messing with some building cubes and the teacher became angry at him and did a “cross face”.
I have rang the school, I am really angry about this.
The school office said “I don’t see that happening”, I made it very clear as to why he would lie my son is a big believer in god and he doesn’t like lying, the head teacher came on the phone and said she’s going launch a investigation.
After everything that has happened with this school, the constant shouting at him, making him stand in the corridor door and the constant belittling I have no faith in them.
I have done a EHCP as the school has refused it 4 times, I have already changed his school as he’s constantly being bullied, he came home with horrific injuries in his old school and now the teachers are bullying him. Please help me, I am close to homeschooling him but he has made it clear he loves going to his friends and loves his routine, who else can I go to, I’m so scared of making his life harder at school but this can’t go on anymore, I am fuming, I’ve had so many meetings about the behaviour of his teachers, they say he’s “too sensitive”. Everything calmed down until today, but this time she has physically hurt my child and I ain’t letting it slip, he is not going school tomorrow until I am happy about the outcome of this “investigation”

Really? Have we learned nothing?

People used to think that people like doctors, priests, teachers or police officers always knew best, were to be respected and could do no wrong...

And that allowed kids and women to be abused/assaulted by people in these trusted professions.

So to me no child should be assumed to be a liar simply because the other person is a teacher.

Everything should be investigated without an initial assumption that the child is lying and the adult did no wrong because that goes against the basic principles of safeguarding.

Personally I would have had a talk with my child, listened and let him know I understand he is upset but point out that when a teacher asks/tells him to do something he should do it.
My son had SEN at school and that was back when not much help was available, He was still expected to behave.
We are creating a situation whereby every time a child is repramannded the whole ADHD etc card is used as a get out card to excuse poor behaviour.
What is going to happen when all these children get older and have to enter the workplace and follow rules. Mummy cant go in and complain then.
A quiet discussion with the child is far less upsetting for him than mummy falling out with the teachers (who must have a hellish job) and keep moving schools.
In this case though why would you say your child 'never' lies and then have him at a school which tells him ridiculous lies about the devil.
That's what I would be complaining to the school about.
Seems like today every time a child is given any form of consequence for bad behaviour or not following rules mummy is right in there yelling that little Johnny is not doing detention, extra homework or any other form of sanction because he has a label and so cant be expected to conform
No wonder the country is going to shit.

If your son has "a brain age of 1" then with respect mainstream school is not for him.
He needs an alternative provision.
I am head of department in one. I must say I find your posts quite extraordinary. I understand how difficult it is, but some of your language and terminology is quite aggressive and confronting and likely your son is picking up on this too.

All children lie by the way. Catholic school or no. I have had parents blue in the face tell me their children dont lie because of this or that. It simply is not the case. It can be a misinterpretation of an event, attention seeking or all sorts of reasons but you are unrealistic to think he wont ever lie.

Happy to advise if I can help on next steps

How can strangers on the internet possibly know what did (not) happen in class?

School are investigating. Let them do that

Agreed.

It doesn't sound like the school are very supportive of his needs. Are there any other schools you could move him to?
My daughter has ADHD and ASD and her primary school have been really supportive and made lots of accomodations for her needs.
They shouldn't be shouting at him and saying he's "too sensitive".
ASD children tend to not like lying, even in situations where it would make their lives easier. Of course I'm not saying they would never lie 😂 or would never give a misleading account of a situation.

So many people jump to the use of the word 'bullying' now that it, like many other words, has lost its meaning.

It doesn't mean 'someone did something i didn't like'.

While I don't doubt that sometimes teachers, like any other group, get things wrong or misbehave, the accusations of sustained bullying by teachers are hard to take seriously. They are under such scrutiny it would be very hard to get away with.

Kids (especially ones with ASD) are prone to emotional reasoning (i felt bad therefore you upset me on purpose). Encouraging them in this is not helpful, it's setting up a victim mindset.

This is also not true ASD/ADHD and I lied constantly as a child.

@Greenwitchart in a class full of other children and the training teachers have had it probably is the least likely scenario nowadays. As I said it needs to be investigated, but I am just saying to OP that there is likely a middle ground here. Her child is probably not out and out lying but has misinterpreted a teacher's action. It might be the teacher needs more training in handling children even if didn't actually slap the child.

Investigation should obviously be done with a completely open mind and based on evidence available

My DC used to tell his reception teacher he had a brother in France, as time went on he also had a sister in Germany and that we had just left them there! He had no siblings

Another time I was in his nursery class there was a crash and something got broken, automatically the majority of the class blamed one particular child. This child was sitting next to me and had been nowhere near the item, but as he was the usual culprit when something happened they automatically blamed him.

Children do need to be listened to but OP cannot categorically say her child does not lie. And I don't get her comment about her child having a brain age of one, that doesn't seem factually correct and if they do I would be amazed that they didn't have an adult with them and therefore would be able to say what happened

Many children say a teacher shouts but they may have just raised their voice slightly to be heard above the class. Again there are shouty teachers and that does need to be dealt with

Indeed. One of my children is very elastic with the truth. Plus a ‘lie’ can come from a place of misinterpretation of events (we’ve all seen films where the witness is adamant they have seen a woman, but it was a longer haired man in a cassock or some similar such thing). Two people can witness or experience the same event and their reports of it be completely different. Just because ASD/AdHD people might be more likely to be black and white thinkers and have a highly tuned moral code (also known as rigid and lacking in nuanced understanding), does not mean they will never lie or misbehave. How they deal with it and understand what they have done will be different, but they are not perfect paragons of virtue.

You can't know that for sure 🙄🤦‍♀️

I doubt they use it. Went to several Catholic schools and never heard it.

Some of these answers are ridiculous- people nitpicking about EHCPs/ECHNAs and outright saying 'this didn't happen and the child is lying'
Winds me up how the majority of posters on here will always automatically side with schools! Parents should always keep and open mind and advocate for their kids wherever necessary.
Abuse DOES happen in schools, young kids are easy targets as they are beleived less (as this post proves) and it can't always be relied upon that other staff would whistleblow about it.
Nobody knows for sure what has occured, but nobody can deny that it did for sure, and the OP deserves support not blame!

OP a school threatening religious consequences for a child lying sounds very inappropriate and I don't think religion really comes into the incident or is relevant but those attitudes are toxic and reflect poorly on the school in general along with everything else you have said about the place.

But the incident didn't happen in school.

OP, you say that your son is 7 years old but that "(he) sat in class with a brain age of a 1 year old".

If he is 7 but mentally only 1, how does that manifest itself?

It would make learning really difficult, surely and impair his ability to speak at length about what he experiences.

Who advised that he is mentally only 1?

@TheSquareMile probably no one as the term "mental age" hasn't been used by professionals since the early 1990s

For goodness sake, what a lot of hyperbole!

No one is saying the child 'lied' or that there shouldn't be an investigation, but that OP needs to keep an open mind and that it's possible that her child was mistaken.

She's not helping the child with the 'my kid can do no wrong and the teachers (in multiple schools) are all bullies' attitude. That's just as unhelpful as your scenario of brushing it all away and pretending it didn't happen because the child probably made it up - which nobody is doing.

Often not even raised their voice! Children getting told off, they always say is "shouting"! 😂

This.

Child when question might lie, misremember or change details. Sometimes children say what they think the adult wants to hear. However, listen without prior judgement and then report eactly what was said to the headteacher and copy in the governors. If an assault has occurred then LADO and police action. It's treated as a serious allegation.

OP follow the correct channels and report.

Exactly. There is a middle ground. The teacher could have hit the child, the child might have misinterpreted what happened or the whole thing could have been invented.

it’s not a case of the child is a lier or the teacher is an abuser and those are the only two options.

I believe you. I’ve been there and done it although it was secondary school. My son has additional needs and got bullied constantly which always included physical assault. He would be punched, pushed to floor and have multiple boys kicking him and stamping on him whilst one would record it and then send it around. He had food rubbed in his face, the list was endless. Everytime it happened I made police reports but was told they couldn’t intervene unless it happened out of school grounds, which one day it did. He again was pushed to the floor outside the school gates and had rocks thrown at his head which one of the kids filled his pockets with from a drive next to the school and they were stamping on his head and ribs too. The police did investigate this but nothing much came from it. My son then told me that a teacher dragged him back into the classroom by his bag from the corridor. The school said they would investigate but didn’t take it seriously at all. A week went past and I heard nothing and then received an email to say the teacher denied it happened therefore case closed. I said no it’s not closed and if you don’t put in writing the complete truth I will go as far as I can with it. I then received another email saying they had interviewed every student that was in his class separately and they all stated that it did happen. The teacher then changed her story and admitted she done it but only to “Stop him causing harm to himself”. The deputy head emailed me saying that the teacher would receive a disciplinary however she was leaving the school anyway. When i spoke to the head teacher and flagged this up regarding how shit the school is, he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about and denied such investigation ever took place. In my experience they all cover for each other and you will never get a straight answer. I pulled my son from school in year 10.

I highly doubt this happened the way he said. He may well be telling his truth but you're relying on the word of a 7 year old, they don't tend to be the most reliable witnesses.

My son once told me his teacher smacked him round the head. Corroborated by 2 other children. What actually happened? She was explaining something to another child, gesturing as she spoke, my son leaned over to look (nosy parker) and her gesturing hand knocked him in the face.

No. They do not "all cover for each other".
It's not the 80s any more.
Allegations against teachers are always investigated and dealt with. Times have changed.

So much doesn't add up.

Child has a mental age of a 1yo at 7yo, at a mainstream school which is refusing to put together a request for an EHCP.
Child has mental age of 1yo but can articulately report a school incident where he was hit twice by a teacher.
Child has been bullied by several teachers, at at least 2 schools.
Child can't possibly be lying.
OP has had several meetings with school to discuss various bullying incidents by teachers, yet still send her child and the school has not acted on any of these incidents.

The incident could have happened, and I'm sure will be investigated, but frankly OP needs to help her child and work with school, stop taking the child's word for gospel and be opened to the fact that her child might not have additional needs but simply highly disruptive. Not all SEND children are disruptive, not all disruptive children have SEN.