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Original poster

My daughter is crying! She doesnt want to change her school!

221 replies

Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:21

Hi,

My daughter is 7 years old - she received an offer from one of the best academic schools in London - GCSE grades A is around %65. She is currently in independent All-through school till. We are happy with the school but school is mixability and our daughter is always been on top set. Schools GSCE A grades is about %40. She never wanted to change her school but she did amazing in 7+ assesment andd finally she had an offer from all of them. But in the end she doeant want to move. She is crying when we talk about new school and I feel so bad. Is anyone had that kind of experience? Do you think she can settle and love her new school? Or I should leave her where she is. Meanwhile her little brother is also in her current school and she doesn’t like the fact that they will go to different schools as well:( I want the best for her but I am so sad that she is unhappy right now. Really don’t know what to do:( Meanwhile new school has bad transport links so bad. In future if she wants to travel on her own to new school - she needs get a public bus (20 mins) then train (7 mins) then 20 mins walk. Her current school is 10 mins away with public bus.
What do I need to do? Please share your experiences and ideas 🌸

OP posts:
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/03/2023 22:24

Seriously? Just let her stay where she is.

justasking111 · 09/03/2023 22:24

Will your seven year old daughter have to travel alone to and from the new school each day?

rattlinbog · 09/03/2023 22:26

Keep her at her current school.

lifeturnsonadime · 09/03/2023 22:26

Oh please leave her where she is.

It's really cruel to move her and you have no idea whether it will achieve a better outcome.

She's 7.

Let her be a child.

Original poster
Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:27

@justasking111 ofcourse not now! as I mentioned above maybe in future when she is in secondary school

OP posts:
HappyKoala56 · 09/03/2023 22:27

Gifted children will achieve well in any good school. I would not be moving my child from a school they are thriving and happy in, especially if they obviously don't want to move. I'm sure she would settle eventually in a new school eventually, but your priorities are wrong if that is the route you choose

LIZS · 09/03/2023 22:28

Why change now rather than at 11? Sounds like a logistical nightmare.

Hellocatshome · 09/03/2023 22:28

Just leave her where she is. If she is capable of grade 9s she will get them in either school. She is happy where she is and happiness is vital.

Darthwazette · 09/03/2023 22:30

She won’t get better grades just because she’s at an overall more academic school. She’s already at a great school, I can’t see why she won’t achieve her potential there.

She may even do better by being the big fish in a small sea….

justasking111 · 09/03/2023 22:31

I would leave her at her present school until age 11. My father's career meant moving around a lot. I remember being very unhappy

Original poster
Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:32

Sorry I haven’t studied in UK so I don’t know - Do you think if we don’t go to new school now - they will offer her a place if she do good in the 11+ test?

OP posts:
Autocadelite · 09/03/2023 22:34

Leave her alone. Focus on playing, fun, being a child, social skills etc

There's plenty of time for academia later. Youre only a kid once.

(Says the woman who was pushed and taught career and good grades = self worth.

And needed therapy)

LIZS · 09/03/2023 22:35

Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:32

Sorry I haven’t studied in UK so I don’t know - Do you think if we don’t go to new school now - they will offer her a place if she do good in the 11+ test?

Potentially yes, although it might be competitive.

Original poster
Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:39

@LIZS I wanted feedback from new school and admission team told me there were about 245 candidates and she was in top 5.

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 09/03/2023 22:41

How will you get her to the new school now if her brother is remaining in the old school? Do the logistics even work? Also what does it matter if "only" 40% of the cohort in her current school get A* at GCSE, if she is that bright, she will be in that 40%?

MsMcGonagall · 09/03/2023 22:42

At 11+ it will be purely on the test results, they won't pay any attention to what you decide now. They have formal criteria and " did they decide not to take a place at 7 " isn't on the criteria list.
I would also leave her where she is right now. She will likely stay on the A grade trajectory whatever school she's in. In fact with the difficult travel and upset of moving, she might do LESS well.

JeimeHonfUcoim · 09/03/2023 22:51

she's clearly very able. do you actually have evidence that this other school will teach her better? if their higher results rate is just due to them selecting the highest performers then maybe they are just coasting on that and your DD would be no better off. if she was in the top 5 maybe she's going to get an impressive array of 9 grades wherever she goes and she might as well do so where she is happy. I think you should be very cautious about moving her. happiness is rare enough in this world.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/03/2023 22:55

On the one hand....Crap transport links, child doesnt want to go, resettling with no friends she already knows there, missing her brother.

On the other.... higher results in exams she wont take for another 9 years.

I cannot see that the latter in anyway justifies the former. It simply isnt worth the upset and the upheaval.

Moving her would do far more harm than good.

I can understand that you want to give her the best possible chances, but the simple fact is that if she is as bright as they appear to think, she will be in the top of the 40% of her current school wont she? Frankly moving her could actually put her back in her learning.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 09/03/2023 22:57

Don't underestimate the value of your DD being happy at school. I'd never move a happy child to a new school unless it was unavoidable.

RampantIvy · 09/03/2023 22:59

Of course the other school has better results at GCSE. It is more selective, so it weeds out the B and C grade students. It doesn't make it a better school or mean that the teaching is better.

I would leave her where she is.

CheeseFiend40 · 09/03/2023 23:09

Leave her where she is. Being in the top sets in a mixed ability school will be far better for her confidence than being in a school of high achievers.
Also, yes of course getting good grades is important, but only as a stepping stone to the next stage. No one gives a shit what you got in your GCSEs or A levels once you’ve moved on to university or work.
If she’s happy in her current school, has friends, wants to be with her brother, then don’t move her. She’ll get the grades she’s going to get whatever school she goes to.

Xrays · 09/03/2023 23:14

Leave her where she is. I won a full scholarship to a brilliant independent school for sixth form and the pressure nearly broke me. I was desperately unhappy and ended up literally walking out one day and never going back. If your dd is happy where she is that’s what’s important. Be very careful that she doesn’t pick up on your expectations and hopes for academic success - obviously you want to be proud of her achievements but I always felt like I’d let my Mum down by leaving the independent school. It’s a horrible feeling.

7eleven · 09/03/2023 23:17

Don’t move her.

FiFiWrites · 09/03/2023 23:19

Why are you even talking to her about this before you've understood how the education system works generally in the UK? That's some pressure you're putting on her. Just stop. Calm down and leave her where she is.

Poor kid

TwistandSprout · 09/03/2023 23:23

She is in a good school. More importantly she is happy there so leave her be and teach her that she matters more than what she achieves. Of course, if she knows that she will achieve more.

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