My daughter is crying! She doesnt want to change her school!

[Georginalora]

Hi,

My daughter is 7 years old - she received an offer from one of the best academic schools in London - GCSE grades A is around %65. She is currently in independent All-through school till. We are happy with the school but school is mixability and our daughter is always been on top set. Schools GSCE A grades is about %40. She never wanted to change her school but she did amazing in 7+ assesment andd finally she had an offer from all of them. But in the end she doeant want to move. She is crying when we talk about new school and I feel so bad. Is anyone had that kind of experience? Do you think she can settle and love her new school? Or I should leave her where she is. Meanwhile her little brother is also in her current school and she doesn’t like the fact that they will go to different schools as well:( I want the best for her but I am so sad that she is unhappy right now. Really don’t know what to do:( Meanwhile new school has bad transport links so bad. In future if she wants to travel on her own to new school - she needs get a public bus (20 mins) then train (7 mins) then 20 mins walk. Her current school is 10 mins away with public bus.
What do I need to do? Please share your experiences and ideas 🌸

@Georginalora

OMG don't force your DD to go just because you think it's a 'better school!' When my daughter was in secondary school, some of the mums there (and dads,) wanted their kids to get into the 'best school in our town,' the one with the highest grades, the ones some people travelled for 20 to 30 miles every day for, to get their kids into. The school who thinks they are 'so special.'

My daughter is very academic and the teachers, including the head, said she should go there (when she was eleven!) and wanted her to do the entrance exam in. She did it, and was accepted in there. She point blank refused to go. She said 'all my friends are going to the local comprehensive, and it's a mile, not 10 miles, and I know three or four people who have been so down and low after being made to go there. They absolutely hate it. They are really, really strict and they've got no life...'

I was a little disappointed (at the time,) but I thought, well, it's her life and we let her go to the normal comprehensive school. She, along with many other children who went there, did absolutely brilliantly, and got good GCSE, and good A levels results. Many of them including DD went to university. She is now in a £50,000 to £60,000 a year job. In her mid 20s.

Conversely. Five young people she knows (out of her year,) went to that school after being pushed by their mothers (and fathers to be fair.) Two of them got pregnant by 18/19, one went to uni and dropped out in the middle of the second year and moved to another country. The other 2 just went off the rails, went travelling for several years, got pissed every weekend til they were 25, and then got a 'basic job.' They were also lined up to go to uni, but ended up bailing before they started.. They were sick of being forced to study for practically 60 hours a week!

There is nothing inherently wrong with the life they lead, but it's not what their 'parents' wanted.' After being just about forced to go to this 'much, much better school,' it put them off studying. It was so strict ... they had no life there, and were out from 7.30am till between 5 and 7.30 at night. Because any 'nice' subjects like art or any kind of crafts or media or film or music or sports or anything, was done after 4:30 PM. Between 8.00AM and 4.30 PM was just the 'academic' subjects.

So if they wanted to do anything else, they had to stay til 6.30PM to 7.30pm. AND they had approximately 15-18 hours a week homework as well. It was no life for them and I've not spoken to one person who enjoyed being at THAT school. Maybe some people DID enjoy it there, but I have never met anyone who did!

I did move my DD(15) at 7 (albeit from state to Indep). She knew nobody at the school but there were lots of other children in the same boat. She has thrived BUT, it is only a 15-20 minute walk away (not close to an hour). We had a choice of 4 or 5 schools at 7+ and 11+, but I wouldn't have paid for the other private schools; they just didn't feel right.

Presumably you would be taking/collecting your daughter? That would be a big chunk out of your day especially once they start getting involved with fixtures/orchestras/drama and all the other things that start happening for pre-teens.

I was able to 'sell" the idea of changing schools thanks to the fuller curriculum/facilities/extra-curricular, but it sounds as if your daughter already has that at the current school. Look ahead to the offering at age 10 or 11 (are there sufficient numbers for a decent sports team/music groups in either school?). Will they let her do GCSE's in your mother tongue(s) if she has grown up being multi-lingual. How will the current school stop her getting bored if it is a mixed-ability class (some schools are better than others at this)?

We've kept in touch with a lot of my daughter's old friends (it's a cliquey place where kids from different schools go to the same clubs) and have plenty of friends with older children at the various local secondaries. I would observe that most clever kids are going to do well anywhere (as long as they have the support of a strong friendship group). Without that things can go horribly wrong in the teenage years (especially for those setting themselves impossible standards).

You owe it to your daughter to listen to her arguments against moving ('I don't want to' might be more of a 'I am worried I won't make friends'). What if some of her friends decide to go to a different school at 11+?

of course you have to be proud but she is too young for that daily trip.

My very clever children went to a distinctly average comprehensive - rural area so lack of choice and we couldn't afford 3 at a private school. They all had mostly A and A* GCSE's, good A Levels and got into good universities and now have the jobs that they want. To say that children won't do well when surrounded by - god forbid 'average children' is doing your own children a dis service and is just nonsense.

I have a similar dilemma to OP, although my child’s all-through school does not get good results at gcse so we have known all along that they will not be staying there for senior school. They are a high ability child but the school isn’t providing much challenge for the more able children. Two other high ability children in the class are likely to go elsewhere in September for the same reason. My child is very happy at the school and won’t want to leave. The responses on this thread have made me think twice about when we might make the move, although waiting until 11+ really worries me as I am concerned about how much they will miss out on between now and then.
OP I do understand your worries about waiting until 11+ when you have a guaranteed place now. It’s such a difficult decision to leave a school when your child is happy.

I would leave her where she is until she is 11 and reassess the situation then.
She's happy where she is. The transport to the new school is a bit of a pain.
She's doing a whole range of extra-curricular activities so it's not like she's missing out on something.
If she's done that well at the 7+ assessment she will likely do similarly well at 11 and there will be a bigger choice of schools offering intake at 11.

Moving her at 11 to a different school would be the more natural break, however, it will be a lot more competitive then. DC taking the exams will be a lot better prepped than the exam she's just taken.

Can you afford to keep her in private for secondary school?
If so, and she is still on the same curve as super bright, you should try for the super selective schools - St Pauls etc
If you can't afford private for secondary, you need to try for Grammars, however, it is really cut throat and there are thousands of DC that apply. Although, she may be super bright, I would ensure she gets tuition on exam technique

The record is 23 in one year.

www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/education/teenage-genius-takes-23-a-levels-in-a-single-year/28467022.html#:~:text=Ali%20Moeen%20Nawazish%2C%20a%20charming,record%20of%20a%20mere%2013.

Because schools won't teach or put you in for 7 A levels at a time? I went to Cambridge amongst spectacularly bright people, not one of them had done 7 A-levels. My son's school is one of the top schools in the country, they don't let anyone do 7 A levels.

I assumed it was a typo. Can you clarify the circumstances in which your daughters sat 7 A-levels each?

If she’s happy she’ll do well. What if you move her, she’s unhappy and refuses to go?

I have a very academic autistic DS and I had to remove him from his state school because it wasn’t a good environment for him. He’s been to two very small independent schools and I can honestly say that I didn’t even look at their GCSE results and couldn’t have cared less (unless they were absolutely terrible). I just walked into what was essentially a big house full of kind adults and amazingly polite and friendly children and felt utter relief that this school existed! Why would you even think of academics when your DD is seven?

A happy child will do better at school.

of course it was over 4 years they sat their GCSE’s at age 14 so 2 years earlier than their peers. Then they spent the next 4 years sitting A levels. So when their friends were sitting their GCSE’s my daughters were sitting A levels then at 6th form sat the rest. They entered University at 18 and graduated at 21. I hope that clears it up for you.

Can I also add we have quite a bright family I have 2 nephews who are amazing too im sure you have met or you yourself can work out mathematics without needing a pen and paper, that’s my nephews walking calculators we call them. They are both Engineers.

They both got 7 A* A levels?? You surely mean between them?

Thanks, yes, that context does help. It was a bit disingenuous of you to reply "Why not??" with all the question marks when these are clearly very unusual circumstances.

I have posted that they sat their A levels over 4 years they sat GCSE’s at 14 and A levels at 16 and 18. Not 7 at the same time. I was trying to keep my post short rather than explain their education in greater detail.

So was DD, we discussed moving her to Private school in Y5 rather than 7 but left her where she was as she was happy.
She transitioned fine with no knowledge gap

@Georginalora My advice is to keep her at her current school. It sounds like she is motivated to do well, has lots of interests and (most importantly) is happy there. Enjoying school and having friends matters just as much as nurturing academic ability. Moving schools should never happen unless there is a very good reason for it as it’s a big upheaval for the child.

OP you are putting pressure on her. Going on about school moves and upsetting her when she's already doing so well.

You're going to tear her away from her friends and her clubs and teams all because you and your husband are obsessed with percentages and league tables.

She'll get the same grades wherever she goes, stop it. She'll resent you forever.

Fuck me, some people 🙄

Slightly derailing from topic here but what made you choose for them to sit all those and earlier than their peers?
Realise they're very bright (but so are many others and they tend to recommend stay with their same-age peers and work on enrichment rather than acceleration)?
Curious that's all...

I’m sorry that you believe I’m being disingenuous by saying “why not” when I have seen very young children receiving GCSE’s on TV. We don’t question their ability but celebrate their achievements. I was a single parent who was told my daughters wouldn’t achieve the same as their father because I didn’t allow them the same education he had. Sorry if I’m being defensive but it becomes automatic when talking about their success.

Cruel to move her imho

Their secondary school didn’t want them to be held back when it was obvious they could achieve so much. They found it very easy so I didn’t see the harm of them attempting the GCSE’s at 14. It has its drawbacks too, when they were teenagers they both thought they could tell me what to do lol I am not academic at all.

Well the very fact that these young kids are on TV with their GCSEs shows that they are unusual cases doesn't it? I don't personally think it's a good thing to push kids too far ahead into formal qualifications too quickly so I would not be celebrating a child who did GCSE maths at age 10 for example. Some of us are old enough to remember poor Ruth Lawrence going to Oxford when she was barely in her teens and it did not look like a happy childhood.

Doing GCSEs a couple of years early like your daughters did is different, but it's still far enough from the norm (even for very bright children) to require some explanation instead of a defensive answer.