My daughter is crying! She doesnt want to change her school!

[Georginalora]

Hi,

My daughter is 7 years old - she received an offer from one of the best academic schools in London - GCSE grades A is around %65. She is currently in independent All-through school till. We are happy with the school but school is mixability and our daughter is always been on top set. Schools GSCE A grades is about %40. She never wanted to change her school but she did amazing in 7+ assesment andd finally she had an offer from all of them. But in the end she doeant want to move. She is crying when we talk about new school and I feel so bad. Is anyone had that kind of experience? Do you think she can settle and love her new school? Or I should leave her where she is. Meanwhile her little brother is also in her current school and she doesn’t like the fact that they will go to different schools as well:( I want the best for her but I am so sad that she is unhappy right now. Really don’t know what to do:( Meanwhile new school has bad transport links so bad. In future if she wants to travel on her own to new school - she needs get a public bus (20 mins) then train (7 mins) then 20 mins walk. Her current school is 10 mins away with public bus.
What do I need to do? Please share your experiences and ideas 🌸

Exactly this. I was upset at the thought of moving school in year 6 as I was scared - I’d only ever known my old school. But once I got there I lived it and did really well there.
you’re the parent. You decide where she goes. She can make decisions about her life when she’s much older.

Travel time is a big issue when they get older. They have much more homework.
Also having local friends is a big tick.
My DD had many schools. Her primary years were OK then she went to an 'outstanding' academy. It was huge, full of bullies and some were the teachers!
DD ended up at a local school with less spectacular results but lots of kindness. It was right for her. She is very clever but hates pressure.
Let her stay where she is. At 11 she will be better able to make a move. A happy child will do well.

Won't she be pretty miserable doing all that travelling?

If she’s happy where she is and is thriving why move her?

I would change her now. She is so young, just 7 years old, kids are adaptable. Other kids move countries all the time and go from international to international school. She will be fine! If it's for her best academically, change school.

There’s something very wrong with paying the closest attention to academic ability at the age of 7. To actively want to move a child based on what they might achieve at GCSE level.

And IME these schools who are all about the grades usually have shocking pastoral care, so you might want to think about whether good grades is worth the potential damage to her self esteem if she doesn’t do as well as expected.

Also, how gifted someone is at 7 has absolutely no bearing on how they will do as they get older.

My nephew was and still is incredibly bright. Except he just couldn’t apply himself. He just didn’t want to be studious, and subsequently he got awful GCSE and only slightly less awful a-level results. But he’s doing an apprenticeship now in a subject which he loves and which you need that inteligence for.

GCSE’s ain’t the be all and end all. Yes they’re important going forward, but if she is bright she will apply herself to that which is important to her.

Leave her where she is. Her friends and brother are there and it's easier to get to school.

When my LO was in Reception the teacher asked us if she was being tutored because she was sailing through the curriculum...we said no, she just likes to learn new things. We have always tried to make sure she is happy and settled so she can learn "comfortably". She's predicted 6-9s in her GCSEs at a very ordinary Secondary school, because she's brainy enough to get them.

Exam results mean squat. It's only a reflection of the calibre of students they have that year. It looks to be a selective school too (am I right?) so of course the results are higher. It's all a bit disingenuous. A brainy kid will achieve in a regular school if they put their minds to it. Otherwise, let them play, read, learn for learning's sake, socialise away from the internet...

Your husband is deluded you can’t just move a child back to an old school! What you are planning sounds cruel and pointless. As if you have nothing to worry about and you want to create a trauma. I’ve got no sympathy at all for you but I feel very sad for your little DD.

Your little girl's emotional well being is as important as her educational needs. She's in a good school already, and is obviously doing well, despite it having children who are less able. They aren't holding her back, she's still in the top sets. Schools always compete for the most academic children, so I have no doubt she will have another chance at age 11.

I'd leave her where she is. If she's academically able, and you make sure she has support, she will do well anyway. I can imagine that to her it feels like she is being punished not rewarded. Let her have her childhood with her friends.

You seem to be focusing on the fact that she has done so well in being offered a place at the school and yes, she has.
BUT there is absolutely no reason to move a happy child who is achieving well and lots of reasons not to.
Have you posted about this before? Apologies if it wasn’t you but there was a similar post recently and most people said to leave her where she is now

Her current school's results are absolutely fine and the results from the other school are not that much better. If the other school is more selective, the difference is probably due to selection on the way in, not teaching quality when they are there. It is also entirely possible that teaching quality is better where she is. One clue whether this is the case is the government's progress 8 statistics - it's a better guide than the headline GCSE figures.
It sounds like she is happy and thriving where she is. I wouldn't jeopardize that by moving a happy child who is telling you she doesn't want to move. If exam results become an issue, there is plenty of time to move at 11, 13 or 16. Schools can also go uphill or downhill a lot in the 9 years from 7 to 16 - it's likely the headteacher and senior leadership team of both schools will both change in that time. There is frankly no point in picking a school for a 7 year old based on GCSE results. Think about what is good for her - holistically - for the next 4 years.
As for those saying "you are the adult, you decide" I give you .

How are you going to get (and collect) both children to different schools at the same start and finish time I wonder?
Also, for a primary-school-age child to travel to and from school for almost an hour is way too much. She will be constantly tired and miserable.
Look for best secondary schools for your children when time comes, as primary is not that important imo.

I come to this as a parent who moved their child aged 8 from one school to another. I did it because the school my child attended was poor, and small. I had real education concerns. My DS did not want to move at all. And was very upset, but he settled quickly.

Having been through this, I still don't think you should move your DD. She is doing well, she will likely do well in either school. It feels like you are wanting to hot house her to achieve the absolute top at everything. That is a lot of pressure for a young child.

Seriously if she is top five now she’ll do great at whatever school. Percentages of top grades mean nothing - it’s your child that matters. Potentially you could change and your child could be one of the 30% not getting an A grade at the new school.

Also think about how resilient she is performing against all top performers. My child is really bright but has a tendency to compare herself negatively to others. we felt the 11+ system wasn’t right for her as she would be more confident as top of a mixed ability class than mid table in a high performing school ultimately her grades are likely to be similar but her mental health would be better.

If your child is happy and doing well then leave her

“More doable kids”

I am aware English is not your first language but this is awful. Do you mean more malleable kids, kids they don’t have to worry about pushing because they (and their parents) will do the pushing , or very bright kids who will get the grades with the minimum effort from the school.

Or perhaps “doable kids” is another way of saying pushy over ambitious parents who want the kudos of a “name “ school at whatever cost to their child’s happiness ?

Ask yourself why, if the teaching and results at the impressive schools is so amazing why are they so insistent on the children being academic in the first place? Why not take some middle range kids onto their roll and see how they shape up. And the answer is that very often the teaching isn’t quite as impressive as the fees would have you think.

Being really clinical about it if you are concerned about her achievement and academic success then you don’t want her burning out of collapsing at the first hurdle because she’s generally unhappy and then a bit of pressure tips her over the edge.

Leave her where she is for the moment and revisit in a few years.

@viques , I interpreted "doable" as "able". But malleable works, with a different emphasis.

The new school is not too far away from our place actually but no transport direct train or bus to the school, transport links are terrible! She can travel to the new school with the school bus - it takes about 25-30 mins drive but she doesnt want to do that either. Maybe we need to wait for 11+ she can also try also St Pauls Girls or London School of Girls etc.. Now I feel like if she is going to travel by bus school needs to have more advantages

Some of the posts on here are so harsh! Kids never want to leave a school they’re used to, even if they’re not especially happy. It’s their whole world and it’s scary. You need to do what you think is best for her. How about you discuss the pros and cons of each with her. Then you can say let’s try three months and if you really hate it, you can move back.

And forget what everyone else says. Actually gifted children do better in the right environment for them.

@viques yes, sorry, English is my 3rd language

I would take her on a nice walk and have a nice conversation about it. Tell her that if she really doesn't want to go then of course she doesn't. Bear in mind this decision will likely pave your relationship with her. If it goes wrong, it'll be really difficult to repair and for her to trust you.
It would be different if she was unhappy at her current school or it was a bad school, but if she wasn't tutored and still did so well, it can't be that bad.
Kids do get very nervous about changes even if that change is for the better. I would never normally side with a 7 year old on school choice, but in this instance I think you need to.

There are many parents here with kids at schools all over London, especially the private schools, so firstly you need to search the school here on mumsnet to get a real idea of what its like.

I've only read your posts @Georginalora and I would advise move her at 11+

If your Daughter is in the top 5 applicants from nearly 300, she's very very talented and needs the best schools in London

She needs to be somewhere like

St Pauls girls
Godolphin
LEH
City Girls

If the new school isn't one of the above, wait till 11+ , she needs to be around very clever girls.

You have a good few years to sell it to her, and perhaps employ a tutor in case she starts to coast at current school.

I had to change schools when I was 7 because we moved for dad's work. I cried, didn't want to go, etc. It's natural to be scared of the unknown. We moved mid term. It was fine. I settled in pretty much straightaway.

Make the decision that you believe is best for your daughter longterm.

No need to apologise, I find it hard to grasp and use nuanced phrases in my third language too.