My daughter is crying! She doesnt want to change her school!

[Georginalora]

Hi,

My daughter is 7 years old - she received an offer from one of the best academic schools in London - GCSE grades A is around %65. She is currently in independent All-through school till. We are happy with the school but school is mixability and our daughter is always been on top set. Schools GSCE A grades is about %40. She never wanted to change her school but she did amazing in 7+ assesment andd finally she had an offer from all of them. But in the end she doeant want to move. She is crying when we talk about new school and I feel so bad. Is anyone had that kind of experience? Do you think she can settle and love her new school? Or I should leave her where she is. Meanwhile her little brother is also in her current school and she doesn’t like the fact that they will go to different schools as well:( I want the best for her but I am so sad that she is unhappy right now. Really don’t know what to do:( Meanwhile new school has bad transport links so bad. In future if she wants to travel on her own to new school - she needs get a public bus (20 mins) then train (7 mins) then 20 mins walk. Her current school is 10 mins away with public bus.
What do I need to do? Please share your experiences and ideas 🌸

Poor kid. Keep her where she is. Children have rights too you know!

Just because the school does well academically, doesn’t mean it’s a school she will enjoy.

Your DD sounds gifted and I do think you should encourage that but for me the travelling would be the biggest issue and I think primary school should be more about fun rather than too focused on academics.

Right now she is a big fish in a small pond.
Going to a completely new school with high achievers, parents with lots of money, having no friends and doing all that travelling is going to make her a small fish in a big pond.

I wouldn’t know what to do for the best but if she’s happy and thriving in her current school then the school is obviously doing something right and so I’d probably keep her where she is.

You could even have a chat to her current school and ask what they think.

Oh fuck off you sound ridiculous

please let this thread not become another bashing of academic selective private schools for fucks sake...OP isn't headteacher of St Pauls , she doesn't have to justify private selective schools to you or anyone....

Way too much pressure to be getting into this at 7.

Give it a couple of years and then start to help her prepare for the change.

This is a glorious exchange. Sorry, I have nothing else to contribute, but this was too good to go unrecognised. Brava both.

I’m pretty good until I need to use my 4th and 5th languages - then my tenses get all muddled 😁

Speaking as a former "gifted child" for whom being a high achiever became their entire personality (and still is to a large extent unfortunately), please do not favour academic success over happiness. At the moment, your DD seems extremely self-motivated to learn, which IMO is way more important than the school that she goes to.

Having said that, I would maybe explore other options when she gets to age 11 as some gifted children can have a tendency to coast when everything comes easy to them. If she attends a more selective school where she isn't significantly brighter than her classmates, it might teach her that you need to work hard to maintain top of the class status.

I'm speaking entirely from my own experience here but I can't emphasise enough how being the "gifted child" or the "top of the class" or "a bright girl" SHOULD NOT become the only trait by which she is known!

Leave her where she is. 65 plus at GCSE,is it selective? If si that no big deal if they are taking the brightest. If she is happy where she is and learning is taking place -there is little disruption she will do well. Her happiness will affect her academic performance.

Leave her alone poor child. She is seven ffs

And according to OP , scores in the top 1 percent of kids her age , so hardly a normal kid FFS.

A lot of statistics being bandied about - but of the school not really your DD.

So many things can affect both a pupil’s individual results and the school’s results besides teaching.

Like the intake. Some schools get good results because, one way or another, they get ‘good’ pupils.

My son might have benefitted, academically, from hot housing him in a more forceful, possibly private, school. But he was happy, settled and secure where he was. He did well and is a more rounded person as a result.

I’d wait until she is 11, a natural time for a break and then decide.

………………….

Not unconnected. Some older teachers on here may remember the Fisher Family Trust.

This was a body that took KS2 SATS, KS3, CAT scores, GCSE results from across the country and processed them. The amount of data meant that you could put in a Y6 child's SAT results and predict what they’d get at GCSE - 5 years later.

Many school bought into it - some assigned it biblical truths. Woe-betide you if your class didn’t get their predicted results. (Or in some schools their predicted result +1)

A lot of water passes undef the bridge between Y6 and GCSE results 5+ years down the line. At best it was a guide.

We came up with the 5P’s
Parents
Peers
Puberty
Pot
Promiscuity …………all of which, both positively and negatively, could affect a child’s GCSE results.

We had this my DS, he was crying and not wanting to change - until he spent a taster day at the new school!

Can she spend a day at the new school to see what it's like, before you decide?

abit of personal experience, twin daughters both of them extremely bright. They both went to a really bog standard primary and secondary school. They refused to sit 11 plus much to my surprise. They said they wanted to be with their friends. Anyway my point is I don’t think the school matters as much as we think, my children’s happiness came first. Both of them had 7 A* A level results and went to the same uni. They both have amazing jobs and are wonderful adults. If the ability is there then your daughter will do amazingly anyway. I say let her be happy where your daughter is and maybe look at different schools when your daughter is 11.

She’s happy and thriving at her current school. Why move her to school that’s harder to get to? Leave her where she is and review the situation when she’s a bit older. A very bright child will always get offers of a school place.

7 A levels each? Surely not?

Please don't move her. Take it from someone who has experienced similar, she won't ever forgive you.

As has already been mentioned, gifted children do well anywhere...but your child's social and emotional wellbeing smashes any other deciding factor out the park, and she has been very clear about what wants.

If this isn't an imminent change, then just stop mentioning it! Especially if it's upsetting her.

A 7 year old is very different to an 11 year old.
Of course a 7yo doesn't want to change schools, she's settled, presumably happy, and busy with the immediate business of being a kid. Whereas an 11yo is more able to see the bigger picture and may well relish a change.

And it's also worth remembering, a bright 7yo might only turn out to be an average 11yo. An early flourisher can, and often does, get over-taken.

Well you can’t always ‘just change them back’ if there is no space

I think there’s a lot more to consider than just academics. Review when she’s in Year 6.

It depends on the school. I think grades are important but would the new school offer a more rounded education.

That's a brilliant result for a mixed ability school. Objectively, it's much better value added than the selective school.

Why not?? I did say they were very bright nothing like me I add. Their father speaks 8 languages and has 3 degrees they are very much like him.

I meant to say this much more clearly than I did.

Her current school (private or state) will not necessarily keep her place there open for her to return to just in case she is unhappy at the new school. They will fill it pretty quickly.

You move her (and risk her current stability and happiness), or you leave her to continue being happy and thriving where she is. I doubt there is anything in between. You make your choice for better or worse and live with the consequences.

I'd leave her where she is and tell the husband that he risks losing her trust (as well as her current happiness) if he tries to force the issue. In fact, I'd go further and tell him that I absolutely didn't support his stance at all.

Right, when I was 8 years old (at the time I didn't realise I had done an "exam") I won a scholarship to a "school" I wasn't aware that I was super bright and it was my teacher who suggested this to my parents.
Like the OP's daughter I didn't want to go at all, I remember very clearly feeling it was all too much I didn't want my world to change drasically.
I ended up going to a Grammar school aged 10, that again brought its own problems due to my age.
OP be led by your daughter, she will flourish if she is happy and comfortable in herself. At 8 I couldn't contemplate, such what seemed to me, such a big change, I'm guessing your DD probably feels the same.