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My daughter is crying! She doesnt want to change her school!

221 replies

Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:21

Hi,

My daughter is 7 years old - she received an offer from one of the best academic schools in London - GCSE grades A is around %65. She is currently in independent All-through school till. We are happy with the school but school is mixability and our daughter is always been on top set. Schools GSCE A grades is about %40. She never wanted to change her school but she did amazing in 7+ assesment andd finally she had an offer from all of them. But in the end she doeant want to move. She is crying when we talk about new school and I feel so bad. Is anyone had that kind of experience? Do you think she can settle and love her new school? Or I should leave her where she is. Meanwhile her little brother is also in her current school and she doesn’t like the fact that they will go to different schools as well:( I want the best for her but I am so sad that she is unhappy right now. Really don’t know what to do:( Meanwhile new school has bad transport links so bad. In future if she wants to travel on her own to new school - she needs get a public bus (20 mins) then train (7 mins) then 20 mins walk. Her current school is 10 mins away with public bus.
What do I need to do? Please share your experiences and ideas 🌸

OP posts:
Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:18

Sorry I gave A* GCSE results not A x

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viques · 10/03/2023 00:19

oakleaffy · 09/03/2023 23:58

65% 'A' grade at GCSE?
That's really not great.

Well it’s not bad for a properly comprehensive school, but I agree very academic girls schools in London, like St Paul’s and City of London are achieving top grade results in the 90%++ range. but both of those schools are supposed to be academic and social pressure cookers which many pupils struggle with.

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:20

Yes it is true our current school mix-ability school because main entry point is 3 years old. But new school start from 7+ which allow them to pick more doable kids.

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MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/03/2023 00:21

It's irrelevant, OP. The results reflect the fact that it's a selective school but they don't necessarily mean that your child will do better in that environment.

If she's happy where she is, then let her be. You will do her no favours by obsessing about GCSE results when she is only 7!

artimesiasfootsteps · 10/03/2023 00:21

I think posters are being a bit harsh, all parents want the best for their children (and if an immigrant like my own parents, for better or for worse, achieving in academic studies is a top priority) and while op is misguided, telling her off isn’t helpful.

OP, I changed schools a lot, I was on full scholarship from primary school (I was a child prodigy) and I moved schools a lot, depending on which one had the best program for my particular talent, and who offered the best scholarship terms. The end result was, I burnt out. I quit the very thing that gave me a full fee scholarship and ended up changing focus.

Another drawback of moving schools was I didn’t keep friends and I was often painfully lonely. I’m so jealous of my partner that has childhood friends, I’m not even Facebook friends with mine.

I ended up taking an extended two year ‘gap year’ before uni to reclaim my youth a bit.

I have friend group of women with similar backgrounds. We all ended up burning out, feeling resentful of our parents, suffering from anxiety and none of us, though while all successful, can enjoy our successes because we peaked at school and don’t enjoy career highs because we are all so jaded.

If she’s that bright, let her be a child now, she’ll achieve better over her lifetime and be a happier all rounder if you do.

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:22

@viques actually it was A* results not A - I typed it wrong

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Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:24

@artimesiasfootsteps thanks for sharing your experience 🙏🏻🌸

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Sweetleaves · 10/03/2023 00:25

I'm going to against the grain and say enroll her at the better school

LikeTearsInRain · 10/03/2023 00:26

Enroll her. She will get over it. Just keep being positive about it and make effort to keep contact with closest friends if that’s possible.

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:31

@Sweetleaves @LikeTearsInRain actually I said to my husband today that I dont want to change her school but my husbands says “we dont loose anything if we try “- if she doesnt like and feels unhappy we can easily move her back next term in her current school ( I know its sounds weird but I can not keep her there is she is unhappy ) so I am so unsure what to do

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Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 00:31

I don't see the point in obsessing over GCSE results with a child who is still only seven. Just let her enjoy being a child for now. There's time enough for all that pressure later, she doesn't need it pressed upon her now.

You have a happy child who is settled in her current school and doing well. Leave her be. I can see no good reason at all for changing schools.

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:36

Its looks like majority of you agree that we need to stay in current school

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Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 00:42

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:31

@Sweetleaves @LikeTearsInRain actually I said to my husband today that I dont want to change her school but my husbands says “we dont loose anything if we try “- if she doesnt like and feels unhappy we can easily move her back next term in her current school ( I know its sounds weird but I can not keep her there is she is unhappy ) so I am so unsure what to do

Your husband is wrong here. You risk losing your Dad's current happiness and settled state. This unnecessary move could be very disruptive and disturbing for her. She is communicating her fears very clearly to you now.

Also, you can't just keep flip flopping between schools like some sort of experiment. Don't experiment with your child's happiness here.

So, I would be more assertive with husband and tell him bluntly that this move will not be in your daughter's best interests and therefore you do not support it.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 00:43

Your DD's, not Dad's! Stupid autocorrect.

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 00:44

@Topseyt123 👍🏻

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Kaibashira · 10/03/2023 00:45

Georginalora · 09/03/2023 22:39

@LIZS I wanted feedback from new school and admission team told me there were about 245 candidates and she was in top 5.

There's something really wrong with us as a society.
A 7 year old being arbitrarily ranked...
Jesus just let kids be kids.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 00:48

JackiePlace · 09/03/2023 23:49

Go for the news school. She will get over it and will also learn that Mummy knows best (and that crying won't get her her own way).
It's not good to be afraid of change, or to be surrounded by average kids if you are intelligent.

This is just complete bollocks and would teach her that her parents cared more about school league tables than her happiness.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 10/03/2023 00:50

Sweetleaves · 10/03/2023 00:25

I'm going to against the grain and say enroll her at the better school

It's not necessarily a better school though - they're just picking off the kids who would've achieved good results wherever they were.

OP needs to dig a bit deeper before deciding which is best.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 10/03/2023 00:53

Why did you put her in for the 7+ when she is already at an all through school? Were other parents doing this too, or just you? I'm trying to understand what your end goal was really.

Do a large number of kids leave for other more academic schools or will all her friends be moving through the current school?

ShandaLear · 10/03/2023 00:57

Her current school might have overall grades of 40%, but what is the pass rate in top set? My DD was top set in a state school and almost everyone in her class got 7-9 in at least 6 subjects.

Skodacool · 10/03/2023 01:01

Have experience. DS, passed 11+ and went to grammar school. Was unhappy being separated from friends. Everyone advised us to move him to local comp where his friends were. He got 4 good grade A levels. Your DC’s happiness trumps everything.

Nowdontmakeamess · 10/03/2023 01:07

If she’s that bright she’ll get top grades in her current school. Life isn’t all about academic pressure & success. The disruption, a long commute, no local friends & logistics as a family of children being in different schools shouldn’t be ignored. If she’s happy, settled and doing well at her current school leave her there.

WandaWonder · 10/03/2023 01:20

So you are basically doing this for you not her?

Georginalora · 10/03/2023 01:23

@ShandaLear current school %100 pass grade, 9-7 %77.

new school 9-7 %84

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Georginalora · 10/03/2023 01:24

@WandaWonder oh no!

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