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Eating disorders

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Binge eaters accountability thread

601 replies

LucyLatimer · 11/06/2022 09:21

A thread to check in and say how we are feeling with no judgment. Taking one day at a time.

OP posts:
Breathmiller · 01/07/2022 18:13

Hopefully you have an easier evening. And yes, enjoy your takeaway.

Breathmiller · 02/07/2022 10:00

I had a thought this morning while I was having my breakfast. The idea that I will eat three good, filling, enjoyable meals forever is giving me so much space. I don't have to wake up and think of counting calories or whether it's a day of eating very little or a day where I let go of control. It means I don't have to think of what I want and what I am 'allowing' myself that day. Am i having breakfast? How many calories will that be? Will that mean I have to eat less later? It's a party day today, will i manage? Shall I "allow" myself this or that? Shall I go mad today and diet like crazy tomorrow?

None of that swirling round my head on a constant basis. It's very freeing. And I feel lighter.

We have a special town celebration today and family coming after for food. I can enjoy all of this just like everyone else.

I do have thoughts coming in of how I look and I feel the quick pull in direction to should I diet? But I have an answer now. No. You can enjoy 3 good meals and treat foods as part of a healthy normal diet. My body and more importantly my mind seems to be settling down in to it.

I know it can tip again any time though so I plan on staying vigilant.

I've been doing a project this year of bringing in a new habit or letting go a habit that no longer serves me each month. Taking each day as it comes and seeing how it lands.

July's will be sticking to my 3 meals each day. Snacks in between if I'm hungry but the main thing is not to miss out meals. That feels quite cathartic. My challenge is NOT to miss out meals. Whereas I have spent my whole life thinking the challenge I needed to overcome was how to cut out meals. Feels a bit of a revelation.

I meant to pop in last night for accountability to say I didn't binge yesterday. And for the first time, today i feel confident that I can say that I won't binge today. Just a little glimmer of self belief that I can do this. Usually I worry i won't manage or even presume I will fail and binge. But I can see the potential of confidence that I can do this today.

Hoping you all have a good day.

And hope you got some sleep last night pedropony

MistyRock · 02/07/2022 11:30

What a great post @Breathmiller it really is amazing to actually enjoy food again. I go shopping and I generally buy what I enjoy eating. I won't go mad and buy tons of chocolate etc but I buy the same amount as 'normal' people do.

MistyRock · 02/07/2022 11:33

I'm not as far into the journey as you but with persistence I hope to be as binge free as you. 😊

Orangesandlemons77 · 02/07/2022 13:09

Finding this thread really helpful. It does help all the thoughts an stuff when you are eating well I agree.

MistyRock · 02/07/2022 21:38

I've eaten quite a lot of sweets today. A bit of a bummer. No chocolate though. 1 packet of crisps too. Decent healthy lunch and dinner though. I was almost tempted by a takeaway and I realised that I wasn't really hungry and it would be a waste.

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 08:14

I had an interesting day food wise yesterday. A bbq at home with family after a trip out. It ended up being a lot later than expected and not only was I hungry but it had left me a little agitated about how did that fit in with my breakfast/lunch/dinner plan. But I decided it was fine. It's okay not to be so rigid.

The problem was that there was a lot of snacks/nibbles on the table while waiting on the food and I didn't want to over eat on those beforehand. I had some kept myself busy and it passed.

I then had a normal/smaller portion of the bbq and realised i was plenty full. I had a burger in a roll with some veg and really didn't need to go back for more. It felt easier than I'd had before.

Then after when we were sat at the table chatting there was a bowl of crisps sat next to me and I realised i was just sitting there eating them because they were there, i wasn't really enjoying them. So i moved them away.

There was birthday cake (which I can't eat anyway) but I had bought a vegan Brownie for me and dh to share (they are huge). That felt like a win as we'd usually get one each and complain that they're too big. I had also bought a cookie from the same shop but i managed to stick to my plan of keeping it for today. That felt like another little win.

I also gave the crisps away with my DD as I knew that I'd eat them all later.

When everyone left I was aware that I had a lot of food left and that can be my downfall. Lounging on the sofa in front of the telly thinking "well I've done well today (or not as wouldbe normal) " and being tired after a busy day with lots of people, that is prime time for me to binge. But food was playing on my mind. I decided that I had actually only had 2 meals that day so I had my third. It would be better to have a small proper meal rather than just constantly graze on crap.

Just a little amount or probably just the right amount of leftovers. I then had an ice cream as they were leftover too. I didn't need one as I'd had one after my burger but I decided I'd enjoy it.

I could sense that dip into "well, I've over done it now, I've failed, let myself down....blah blah" so I went to the cupboard to get the crisps, remembered that cleverly I had given them away. It was like a light bulb went off and I decided to go to bed to stop the inevitable binge that would have happened.

So, in retrospect it was an interesting day. I could think that I over did it, the treat foods especially, but in truth I didn't eat as much as other slim non bingeing eaters. It was a party, I ate a little more sweet treats in one day and in a different pattern to my daily routine but I DIDN'T BINGE either at the time or later.

My usual pattern at these things would be....

Eat nothing all day beforehand. Gorge on the crisps and snacks while waiting (and up til 2 years ago quaff down loads of wine). Have at least one overloaded plate off the bbq maybd two then go back for bits to eat (just another sausage on the passing because it was there). When everyone else had finished I would be back at the table for potato salad and suchlike. I'd have more than my share of dessert (often hiding in the kitchen eating ice cream out the tub while making them "for the kids"). Then, constantly filling up the snacks on the table and grazing constantly. Wondering how everyone else can have that there and not be interested. Then, shoving mouthfuls of whatever is at hand when I was tidying up. Sneakily, in the kitchen while everyone sat outside. Then when everyone had left feeling tired, overfull and annoyed at myself so just opening the fridge and cupboard and eating whatever I could lay my hands on. Snacks, sweets, desserts, leftover bbq food. Anything.

So, yesterday for me was a win .

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 08:15

Well done misty at realising you weren't* *hungry and not ordering the takeaway.

Galwaygirl · 03/07/2022 11:47

Can someone help with this please! We are back from a week self-catering, as with holidays we ate out alot and that was fine, I also brought a box of Goodies and snacks for our accommodation. They were there all week and I never even thought of having some. We arrived home last night with same box and this morning I have had 3 bags crisps, 2 bags of jellies and some biscuits. What is triggered? I can't figure it out and am so disappointed now after eating all this and feel sick.
Is it stress of back to reality I just can't understand how it's there all week on holidays and this morning gone! Thanks in advance
BtW I love this thread and it's helpful in dealing with these issues

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 11:54

Apologies for posting so much. It is helpful though for me. Hope it's not too much.

I have had a dip in mood. I'm tired and little grumpy and kind of wasted my morning reading. (Well, it's not wasted but I mean I feel a bit lazy)

Problem is I could quite happily have a lazy day. But that usually leads to eating out of boredom.

Anyway, the issue is I feel fat today and the clothes I'm wearing don't feel great on. I need to do a few things outside and I'm not feeling like going out in public.

Of course I am now worried now that this approach isn't working and I am just going to balloon. Can feel the ' need to diet' voice sneaking in.

I find myself wondering what normal eaters do when they've had a day like yesterday where they over eat a little. Do they eat lighter today? Or just let it go and eat normally again? I know it's probably from my days of counting calories but I can't help think that if I do that then I will only get bigger. Because I will eat the right amount most days then over eat on one day (like a celebration which I think is normal) but then if I don't undereat to compensate for that I'll always have too many calories over a week. I get that these thoughts are not useful. But I wanted to be honest as to where I am. These thoughts are always just there ready to explode in my mind when I feel tired or unhappy with my body/clothes. Funny how it can tip so easily from feeling in control to not.

MistyRock · 03/07/2022 13:15

@Breathmiller you're just in the low mood, do NOT cut back today because of yesterday, eat what you'd normally eat today, regardless of other days. Forget about the food you ate yesterday. Why are you feeling guilty for reading all morning? That's what the weekends are for. Also change your clothes into something you always feel good in.

MistyRock · 03/07/2022 13:18

@Galwaygirl I think it's because you're back home, old feelings resurfacing? Back to the daily grind? Sat on the sofa you usually binge on? It's complicated and confusing but the holiday probably eased your bingy feelings, kept you busy and the new surroundings had zero association with binging.

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 13:58

Thanks mistyrock

  • you're *right. I was going to rush a quick lunch before I went out or miss it altogether. But I went out and did what I needed to then came back and made a nice lunch. Healthy but filling and tasty. I also popped a little shirt over my top and it felt much better.

I do feel better now.

I haven't been away on a holiday. Sorry, i was unclear, I just mean I'm finished work. We're not going away this year as we are doing a big refurbishment in the house ourselves instead. Which is where the guilt came in with reading. But we do need to mix the work with downtime or we'll hate our time off work.

And I usually get annoyed at myself for being on my phone when I could be reading. And here I am still berating myself when reading! I'm terrible for feeling guilty when I'm not busy. I think that's an age thing. I never used to bother when I was younger. A whole day reading a book was not wasted. In fact, I might sit down and read a bit more now as the house is quiet.

Thanks
Hope your day is going well.

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 13:59

Woops, sorry, just read the holiday thing was to galwaygirl. 😁

Breathmiller · 03/07/2022 14:02

I agree with the association of where you are Galwaygirl . And for me being at home means my brain thinks I can relax, unbutton my trousers or get my comfy clothes on. And that release of being on alert seems to always have gone hand in hand with sitting on the sofa eating crap. It's breaking that habit.

MistyRock · 04/07/2022 11:49

Yesterday, outside of my normal meals I had 1 average size chocolate bar, a packet of crisps and a handful of jelly sweets. I feel like I'm definitely improving, it sounds like a lot of unhealthy snacking but it isn't a binge and it didn't drive me to binge and that's what matters for me at the moment. I'm definitely feeling better within myself, mentally more stable and happy. I tried on a beautiful blouse today, which I bought thinking 'I'll wear that when I've lost a stone' I've not lost a stone, I don't think I've lost weight as I'm banning myself from the scales. But it looked okay, I looked nice in it. I'm feeling happier about what I see in the mirror. I don't think my bodies changed, but my view of myself is gradually getting a bit more positive each day. Tl

Breathmiller · 04/07/2022 20:25

That all sounds so good mistyroc. well done.

I was similar yesterday. I kept thinking that i wasn't doing well because I had some treats. But i think they* *are part of a healthy diet. And it helps to remind me that they are not forbidden foods. I just need to find balance. I think I did that today a bit better.

I did struggle a bit with just 3 meals yesterday. So, I went back to 3 meals and 3 snacks today. Once I gave myself that permission I didn't need any snacks this afternoon and hopefully this evening I'll keep going to. I enjoyed my dinner and am full so no need for anything else.

Also, we are in the middle of building work and only have the basics in my kitchen now. It all goes tomorrow and we'll be without a working kitchen for a bit. It will be interesting to see how that shakes my habits up.

Breathmiller · 05/07/2022 10:29

I made it last night. A couple of mints but nothing esle after my dinner. Felt so good.
That is my tricky time so anyoI manage to get through and evening without any binging or even over eating then I'm always delighted. I am trying ti think what was different yesterday. Apart from the fact I'm quite busy with the renovats I think it was more that I ate well all day.
I had porridge with fresh fruit and nuts and seeds and a little maple syrup. Then some sultanas and nuts mid morning. Then soup and bread at lunch. Then a bought frittata thing with potato salad, bean salad and home made houmous. A smallish plate (because all the big plates are packed away) then an ice lolly (not an ice cream which can trigger me a little). Then my 2 mints.

I do think that eating well during the day is goos for me.

Had my porridge again today. I'm not hungry but if I was then I have an apple for my elevenses. Soup again for lunch. I've realised it's good to know whats coming next. Which is an issue because I don't have a plan for my dinner. In fact I don't even know if I'll have a cooker by dinnertime tonight 😆😆.

Hope everyone is doing well.

MistyRock · 05/07/2022 11:44

I'm not feeling so good today. I drank too much wine last night and it's mentally torturing me today. My anxiety is through the roof. Why did I do it? I feel like all my good work has gone out of the window. I'm catastroprohising I know. But that's just what if feels like. I wish I could wake up in 48 hours and be free of this feeling.

Breathmiller · 05/07/2022 17:28

Ah sorry to hear that mistyrock. nnothing worse than the beer fear. Remember it is a chemical reaction to the alcohol. Try not catastrophise. It will pass soon.
Eat as well as you can today and do something nourishing. And speak to yourself kindly.

I have had a busy day, missed lunch but met a friend for coffee and flapjack at a local cafe which was lovely. I don't feel the need to over compensate. I am pretty full from that. I'll have dinner later.

MistyRock · 05/07/2022 19:39

The beer fear gets so much worse as you get older, I must learn that 3 glasses is my limit. I'm feeling a bit better now. I'm annoyed with myself as I've been working so hard on myself and then I mess up. Tomorrow will be a better day. 😃

MistyRock · 05/07/2022 19:40

I love having a coffee and cake when I'm out shopping. It feels like such a normal thing to do.

cheeseisthebest · 05/07/2022 22:42

Hi just catching up. Had my first proper hypnosis yesterday. Since then I've had no interest in food. Long may it continue.

Breathmiller · 06/07/2022 06:48

mistyrock definitely* *my tolerance for alcohol and hangers in particular massively dropped especially as I moved into perimenopause. It's one of the reasons I stopped. Not saying everyone has to stop but I was never very good at moderating so I find it easier to stop altoge. It's definitely got the same root as my bingeing.

Without wanting to go all Gone With the Wind on you, you're right, tomorrow is another day. Pick yoirsleup and dust yourself off, same as after a food binge.

It feels like such a normal thing to do. this really stood out for me. You're absolutely right, it did feel a normal thing to do. And I didn't need to punish myself elwhen I came home with over eating or starving myself. I naturally readjusted my food intake as I was full.

Cheeseisthebest that's interesting. Do you have more sessions? Can you tell a little of what they did? I am very interested in hypnotherapy. Both as something to have done and professionally too.

Breathmiller · 06/07/2022 06:49

Forgot to proof read. Apologies for the typos.